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Trying to get more information about PTSD and if I should get assessed

I was a witness to a murder 5 years ago, My friend was stabbed and despite my best efforts to stop the bleeding and administer CPR he bleed to death, It took the ambulance 20 minutes to get there even tho we only live 2 minutes from the hospital. It was only by chance we where there, because me and my friend where out for a drive and bumped into my mates eldest daughter on a night out, she had just been involved in an argument in a club and just wanted to go home so instead of getting a taxi i gave her a lift.

While in the house my friends youngest daughters jealous ex boyfriend who had embarked on a campaign of intimidation turned up with his brother and a friend and started smashing the windows so we confronted them and my friend was stabbed. I immediately tried to stem the bleeding and administered CPR while begging the ambulance to come quickly

I believe because of the circumstance the ambulance wouldn't come in until the police was on the scene even though we told them the attacker had left the scene but in an enquiry into what happened they claimed that they had to send an ambulance from armagh 12 miles away That night me and my other friend walked about in disbelieve, couldn't believe what happened, when i got into the house i looked at my hands and seen the blood and i just broke down in tears as i washed it off my hands. then the next day the realisation set in along with an incredible sense of guilt, everyone else that night had been drinking except me i am not much of a drinker and i was driving, i started thinking “my car was right there, why did i not just take him to the hospital myself” since that night on occasions i would think back to that night and that sense of guilt would come flooding back, but it would only last a day or 2 before it would pass.

i was not a witness to this but few months ago another of my friends was stabbed 4 times in a frenzied attack his life was saved because the handle of the handle of the knife snapped and his attacker couldn't pull the knife back out. the attacker turned out to be a one of my friends boyfriend and he was arrested for the attack and remanded in custody. 2 weeks ago he committed suicide in jail, and since then a lot of our friends have been posting messages saying how he was such a good man etc, and i find myself getting very angry about it, thinking do you have any idea the greif caused by idiots like him who are willing to pull a knife and stab someone that is not a good man at all, if you had any idea the sense of guilt i feel about what happened you would not be calling him a good man. I just feel so upset angry and guilty just lately to the point where i have to fight back tears, and i hate that this feeling just wont go away
 
I think you did everything you could under horrific circumstances. And you continue to do the best you can, with these memories and thoughts. I both applaud your courage at having done so and deciding to share here. I've been involved in two violent crime scenarios and understand, to the best/limitation of my ability, the guilt and anger. I agree with the above post, ptsd is likely and professional help can make all the difference. I wish you a sliver of peace as you cope with this and hope you stick around here. There is much to be learned, and much to be comforted.
 
How sad that all this happened to you and those involved. How I wish none of this had ever happened to you and them. Has anyone taught you some grounding techniques? If not, Google it and try to get grounded in today, and I know it is hard, but you need to do this for your own sanity. Also, if you are not in therapy, please get yourself into it soonest. It will help.
 
No one here can diagnose you - but you did go through a traumatic event that would be capable of leading to PTSD.

Certainly, getting therapeutic support would very likely help. And while not everyone who endures trauma develops PTSD, many of the therapeutic techniques can benefit trauma survivors regardless.

I'm very sorry to hear what you've been through.
 
I'm sorry you suffered the horror of watching your friend die. Irish-witness, if you had known that the ambulance was going to take so long, you would have loaded your friend into your car and taken him yourself. The only reason hindsight is 20/20 is because we have information after the fact that would have helped immensely in the moment. What if you'd taken him seconds before the ambulance arrived and he died because you lacked the skill to drive and administer to his needs? Then, you'd be thinking that you killed him. You did what he needed you to do.

Please, get yourself checked out. That trauma needs to be worked through so that you can move forward.
 
The what-if type of guilt after an event like that can be a very sticky mess to handle. I can certainly see where the more recent unfortunate events would rekindle the previous memories. Coming from a more violent part of the world I can promise you that most of the 'he was a good man' remarks are really people trying to comfort themselves. They're trying to fill in the gap between their idea of that man and the reality that he was a violent criminal. It's more that they're trying to find a sense of safety in their own minds, insisting he was a 'good' person means they don't need to accept that they trusted and liked a murderer.
 
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