Sexual Assault More traumas and losing hope: working with a predator. Heartbroken & looking for comforting words.

Lostheart

New Here
Hi all,

this year has been quite difficult for me. I have been struggling for years with my C-PTSD and things were going better until a friend/colleague assault me, in my house in February. The betrayed, the hurt, the emotional damage and the hopelessness of realizing had happened again. In my house, from someone I trusted. Well, I wasn't raped this time, but it doesn't comfort me. This time I was brave enough to call it out: I informed my boss who informed HR and the legal office. After almost 2 months, of hoping for some ''justice'' the company basically told me I have to own my responsibility for the situation and they didn't fire him instead they threaten to fire me if I talk about it in the working environment. They offer me to work in 2 different sides of the company and that i won't need to meet him in person at work. I was shocked. I just couldn't ignore that they wanted to silence me. I asked for clarification with the legal office even if my boss, in the beginning, was hostile and advised me not to as a personal favor. My boss tried her best to help me and in the end, she told me I can talk about it with some close colleagues with the condition of informing her as well, even if this is against company policy. Still, the emotional damage of the process, the lost of faith in the institution can't make me see my working environment as the same. I feel so powerless and defeated. I even called the police in the beginning ready to report: I wasn't expecting to go to court and get justice from the justice system but at least speak up for my self. In end i didn't report bc my mental health went south and the policeman dismissed me and told me that I was making a fuzz, that i won't get anything out of it and I would ruin this guy's life for just a mistake. I am so angry. I had to go through so much therapy in the last month to just be able to function. It was so cruel: I did exposure therapy and I had to go through the memory and listen to it so many times and still, I don't feel safe at work. It feels like swimming in the same swimming pool with a shark. Yes, i am ''safe'' in my office but basically all the surroundings don't feel like it and my office started to feel like a cage. They treat both as ''equal'' to be ''fair'' but nothing feels fair to me in all of this. He is behaving on the minimum ground as a decent human being by respecting the agreement but doesn't make me feel better and every time I can't join a meeting bc he is there, I feel wronged. I feel angry for a world that protects them instead of the victim, I feel depressed and powerless.

My therapist and I started to work on my core trauma now and he believes it would help me with the current triggers but I am starting to feel is useless if this world reminds me every day that they are in the position of power, that this society doesn't have justice, fairness, and kindness towards vicitms. I am trying my best to see the half-full glass, all the progress of the last years, the supportive friends, the ''small'' victories, but I feel mostly anger and powerless, bitterness and hopelessness for this world ''against'' victims.

I hope someone would read this and maybe offer some comfort words to this heartbroken person.
 
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