Mothers day

fern

Confident
My thoughts go out to anyone else struggling with mothers day today. I know I'm not the only one.

I am grieving.. never had a healthy relationship with my mom. She was always disapproving and emotionally distant, and I never felt loved. She did not protect me from abuse I was going through as a child.

Still, I love her and so deeply crave a healthy relationship with her, but I have given up on believing that will reasonably happen, because of who she is- she does not respect or value me.

When my abusive brother threatened to kill me, she told me not to make a big deal out of it. Instead of supporting me and helping to protect me when I went to get an order of protection, she got upset and told me it was a bad idea because it would make my brother look bad.

That was when it became completely clear, without a doubt, that she does not care about me or my wellbeing.

My whole relationship with her can be summed up as unrequited love, and wishing for her acceptance, which I never ended up getting.

Late last year I cut off contact, again, by telling her that I would protect and value myself, even if she didn't. But I also told her if she changed and decided to work on accepting and respecting me for who I am , that I was open to reconnecting. But she never changed.

Mothers day is a difficult day... lots of pain.

I know I made the right choice by going no contact and protecting myself. It doesn't make it hurt any less. But it is what it is.
 
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