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Mourning the Loss of my Life, Trying to Get it Back After Life of Abuse

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Shy_Missy, Aug 21, 2007.

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  1. Shy_Missy

    Shy_Missy New Member

    My name is Melissa, I am a 25 year old woman, from Canberra, Australia.


    I am looking for a bit of support and encouragement, I seem to be really low in mood due to what has happened to me.

    It all started when I was 2 years old. I was molested by a random 16 y/o school boy walking home from school. My mu caught him touching me.

    The next time it happen was when I was 3, happened by my mums bf on my sisters 15th bday night, he took me upstairs pretending to put me to bed. He not only molested me, he did it with a cut on his thumb i remember feeling really sick and scared and did not know what was happening (my earliest memory).

    more happened at the ages of 2,3, 4,5,6,7,8,9,10,13,15,17,18,19,22. As for the first 2 years of my life, I was in hospital a lot, because I was sick with asthma.

    I know what you are think where were my parents? but i am putting it in my book.

    Well I am going to go public with my story because it is so so diffcult to function and also to get rehabilitation. I tell you something though. I really want to help other survivors, because I know how it feels, I care & I want to help . I am coming forward because I need some sort of closure to help me move on with my life. I am the kind of person that is caring, kind, honest, giving & hard working. I would bend over backwards to help anyone

    Well, I am in the process of writing my autobiography even though I am only 25, because I have to let people know now because I suffer inside so so much. People say get over it. That to me is very harsh. They have no idea how it feels to always be the odd one out. Picked last , teased because I am different. It's like so hard to live. I feel like giving in to all. So so so so hard just being alive.

    My trauma came throughout in my body, I had chronic pain in the abdominal area and sometime down my legs making if diffiucult to walk and the pain was excruciating, I would also swell (psychologist said to me it was my intestines were inflammed by my trauma coz of the tense feeling, and then all the blood would rush there from various parts of my body to try and heal the inflammed area thats why it swelled, made me look 6 months pregnant. I had swelling and chronic pain condition several times a day for 2 - 3 years. I have been investigated thoughly.

    I have not had any children yet.

    I hope one day, I can help other people, who have experienced similar things to what I have been through.

    I also hope one day I can be a mum, but right now I need to work on me to make me better so I can raise that child with much love and probably overprotectiveness. I know I would never let anyone suffer.

    I would rather take away everyones pain and have it even if it is for the rest of my life.

    The burden I am carrying aroung on my shoulders was put there by many many people and they never ever took responsibility for their actions.

    That is why I am going public to help save other people who suffer so so much. Coping with life has been so difficult.

    All's I wanted was someone to love me and take care of me and give me the life i deserved. I was so eager to gain anyone's approval or acceptance, i did everything for them and put myself last.

    I am now putting myself first! To learn how to say no, to learn to be stronger, to learn to be more confident, all these things I wanted so badly.

    I have so many symptoms because of all the trauma I went through. I am improving though. I go to a personal support person today and also a psychologist, they help me a lot.

    Tell me what you think please I am looking for anyone that can sympathise.
    nie likes this.
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  3. She Cat

    She Cat Policy Enforcement Banned Premium Member Sponsor $100+


    We all care....I think this is a symptom of PTSD. Once we get through or start to have self awareness we turn to help others. Part of it can be too that while helping others we really don't have to look at ourselves. It's different here...We do look at ourselves also...

    So join in for the helping and healing bandwagon in the wonderful world of PTSD!!!!!


  4. nov_silence

    nov_silence Well-Known Member

    First of all, congrats to you for stepping forward, taking one step beyond your pain to talk about it and the sharing the horrors that were done to you. You have and seek out support of those who are in a stable position to be helpful, neutral and to help you focused on your healing.

    I hear the struggle within you as you oscillate between wanting to help others but knowing you need to help yourself. I think there is promise of considerable healing in the midst of your words. It's admirable that you want to be able to share in the healing of others who have experienced like experiences; however, it is vital that you heal within your life before extending yourself to such to degrees.

    I am sounding cryptic perhaps. And this stems from not wanting to offend. This is my stuff I am working on.

    Keep sharing, opening up, being present with the hurts and demons. Look to being content with your self, with every step you taking, the moving forward (however small you may think it is), don't worry about how other's may perceive what you feel and how you feel. We are pretty honest here at the forum. So, no second guessing. You are on firm footing here. If you haven't started a trauma journal already, I encourage you to do so when you are ready; which may be sooner than you may feel.

    Best wishes and keep coming back.

    nie likes this.
  5. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Hi Melissa, welcome to the forum. Anyone with PTSD knows what another with PTSD endures each and every single day. Positive that you want to stepup though and get working harder upon yourself. Your going in the right direction, that is for sure.
  6. Shy_Missy

    Shy_Missy New Member

    Thank you very much for your support, as I said a lot is going on for me. thanks for your welcome and I am stepping in the right direction although, it is horrible, I know it's going to be worth it because at least i tried to fight back.

    I feel so down. I can not sleep and it is 4:22 am here. Awoke from bad nightmares and it is really annoying. I am going to try and get back to sleep.

    Thank you all so much for your encouragement and I will be posting more often with thoughts and feelings in trauma diaries if you don't mind.

    I just hope I can get the strength I need to challange this head on.

    Kind regards

  7. 2quilt

    2quilt I'm a VIP


    Glad to have you here with us, Shy Missy!
    I hope you feel better after you get some sleep.
    This is a great forum for healing.
  8. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

    Welcome to the forum!
  9. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

    :hello:Hi, Shy_Missy, Really glad you found this place, and Welcome Aboard!

    Please, Take Good Care and let out and/or vent as much as you decide, it can and does help.

  10. sunnydaze

    sunnydaze Well-Known Member

    Shy Missy

    I am so proud of you with what you went through and wanting to help others. I have had a very tragic life myself. I too am all those kind things you talked about and was chosen last as you said and still am. I got tired of being taken advantage of when I would go out of my way for others. I decided to exit them out of my life. It gets lonely but it don't hurt as bad. I wish you well
  11. mouse

    mouse Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum.
  12. cas435

    cas435 Member

    i think we can all sympathise with you here,we have all been through trauma of some kind or another.I hope you find lots of help anf encouragement ,it helps when you know others understand what you are feeling..

  13. nie

    nie Wishing for wings to fly. Premium Member Donated

    Welcome to the forum Missy.
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