Moving stress (and managing insiders)

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
In 6 weeks I will be driving across country, with my animals, a U-haul trailer and my boyfriend. I will be moving into his house. (Need to start getting used to saying our house). It will be the first time I've ever lived with a romantic partner.I've also started back to school and will be getting assessment for learning disabilities in March. I was diagnosed with a bunch as a kid but to get an accommodation for school I need a current assessment. I feel like I've been managing the stress ok. I do understand that anyone would be stressed. T has been asking what my parts think (I have DID) and I haven't really known. Heh. We haven't communicated a lot. Anyway, today I wrote the main insider who communicates with all the parts write to T, and insiders are pretty freaked out.

And I keep going into hyper-functional, lets deal with things. Let's pack and organize and schedule stuff. That doesn't really help the insiders and it also has the potential to wear me out so I'm sick and not functional by the time the move actually comes. I've got my excel spreadsheet and all that. I can organize and be productive. The feeling stuff, I'm not so great at.

So... I have sort of lost the point of this thread, maybe? But probably, I will need some support (ugh) through this time.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hyper-functional? that sounds like another label for what i call, "control freakitis." not only do we need to get the job done, the job needs to be done according to my infallible standards. hop to it. my way. sigh. . . plying therapy tools. . .

DID is not a dish on my own psycho smorgasbord, but a change as big as what you are describing here sends me off in so many different directions that many have speculated maybe my shrinks should look again. steadying support while you do the do. support is an important therapy tool to keep handy.

keep us posted.
 

SemperFiTRex

New Here
In 6 weeks I will be driving across country, with my animals, a U-haul trailer and my boyfriend. I will be moving into his house. (Need to start getting used to saying our house). It will be the first time I've ever lived with a romantic partner.I've also started back to school and will be getting assessment for learning disabilities in March. I was diagnosed with a bunch as a kid but to get an accommodation for school I need a current assessment. I feel like I've been managing the stress ok. I do understand that anyone would be stressed. T has been asking what my parts think (I have DID) and I haven't really known. Heh. We haven't communicated a lot. Anyway, today I wrote the main insider who communicates with all the parts write to T, and insiders are pretty freaked out.

And I keep going into hyper-functional, lets deal with things. Let's pack and organize and schedule stuff. That doesn't really help the insiders and it also has the potential to wear me out so I'm sick and not functional by the time the move actually comes. I've got my excel spreadsheet and all that. I can organize and be productive. The feeling stuff, I'm not so great at.

So... I have sort of lost the point of this thread, maybe? But probably, I will need some support (ugh) through this time.
Im not sure if I can help, but I’ve moved across the country three times leaving everything I’d known behind. I always had my cats and dog with me (I don’t think I could’ve made it without them though it was stressful for all of us).

Being hyper-functional myself it was stressful but it also helped me organize and prioritize into finding a safe space quicker. I always set up one room to be my calm space where I could retreat when overwhelmed and tried not to worry about unpacking the rest later - generally a barebones bedroom I could lie down in with my animals that wasn’t messy or crazy so I could feel sad or scared or lonely without the crushing feeling I hadn’t finished x,y,z.

Also locating basic things you need (close grocery store, pharmacy, gas station, post office, coffee shop) early on was very stressful at first but helped me feel more comfortable and less like I was alone without an anchor . I’m hoping your boyfriend might already be established and can help?

I’m not sure if this is helpful but I’m sending you the very best thoughts and wishes!
 

Friday

Moderator
We moved every 6mo-2years as a kid…. And I LOVED it (except for when I was 11)… because my parents made it really fun.

We made box mazes (like hay bale mazes), and could roller-skate & do gymnastics in the house, and got to pick out our absolute favorites of everything (clothes, toys, etc.) and have them in our suitcases to live out of. Plus we knew once we got there we’d get to do it all over again (before “rules” came back into play along with unpacking), and go on explores, and scavenger hunts, and all. the. fun. things.

I still ADORE moving, as an adult, and whilst no small part is the foundation ? I STILL do those things when I move. I make it fun. For me. You can make it fun for them, and yourself.
 

Sideways

Moderator
I like schedules. But only because I enforce down time and rewards.

What's been the hardest points of moving for you in the past? For me (as an example), I pack and clean quite well, but I get a migraine moving day. I plan around that, and it definitely makes it easiest for me.

I also know I settle quickly once my bed is set up. So I do that first. Is there a relief point post-move you can work towards?
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
What do you usually do to help insiders feel safe?
Is there any of that you can build into this move, and the post move? As in my diary you mentioned that it is also after stressers that can be difficult too.

Does packing a box of things for, or with, insiders help?
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
For those of you that suggested making it fun. Thanks. My boyfriend, Tat, and I had already talked some about that. Last night I told him we are going to do something silly each night we stop. We also talked about once I get there. We already agreed I get a space that's going to be my library. I've been very excited about that as this place I live in now is too small and most of my books are boxed up. I realized that another part of the excitement is it will be my space. And so we are going to make that one of the first priorities (pets come first of course).

hyper-functional? that sounds like another label for what i call, "control freakitis." not only do we need to get the job done, the job needs to be done according to my infallible standards. hop to it.

This is so spot on it made me giggle. I mean if I could just control everything, it would all be fine. right?

I’m hoping your boyfriend might already be established and can help?

Yes. He already lives there and is being a huge help. He is also arriving here a few days before the move to help me finish packing and doing the drive with me.

What's been the hardest points of moving for you in the past? For me (as an example), I pack and clean quite well, but I get a migraine moving day. I plan around that, and it definitely makes it easiest for me.

Hmm.. good question. I think probably right about where I'm at? The build up before the move. When I know there's all these things I will need to do but there's a limit to what I can do. And this life is all settled but I can't start my new life yet. That and maybe months after the move. When I'm unpacked and settled in and the dust has settled down and I suddenly have the space to miss my old life.

What do you usually do to help insiders feel safe?

Wait, I'm supposed to do that? Heh. Give them time to cuddle with the animals or Tat. Do some art. Sometimes read
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Was just thinking, what helps me sometimes is visualising things. I imagine doing that with little child me and parts of me. Like when I was running and getting triggered: I visualised the triggered parts running with me, making it fun for them, high-fiving them, and that seemed to make them feel included and safe and ok.
Do things like that work for all of you?
 
Top