ArEllCeeBee
New Here
Hi. I've been here before but it's been so long, I've forgotten both my user name and my password. So I created a new account. This is tearing me up inside, and I needed to discuss it. If anything needs to be edited or covered up, moderators are welcome.
I have been sexually abused at various points in my life by multiple perpetrators. The first time it happened, I was 5 years old. The man, not related to the family in any way, abused me on several occasions. I told my parents, and they did the right thing. They believed me and called the police. I testified in court, and that man went to prison. This story got the ending it should have gotten.
BUT....
I was 6 and just coming off of this incident when a 12-year-old uncle came into my room just after I'd gone to bed. He used the excuse of coming in to kiss me good night, which is not something he did routinely. His hand went somewhere it shouldn't have gone, and then he asked me not to tell anybody. This happened only once. I have long excused it on the grounds that he was a child himself and probably didn't know better. It later came to light that he and all of his siblings, including my mother, had been abused by their own uncle. The truth is, if he had enough awareness to ask me not to tell anybody, then he knew he was doing wrong. But he probably didn't know the full extent of *why* it was wrong, and I'm still inclined to excuse it. Whether or not he is to blame, though, it still had an effect on me.
My mother has been married a total of 9 times, with live-in boyfriends between marriages, so I had revolving-door father figures. When I myself was 12, one of those step-fathers began sexually abusing me, and did it repeatedly. That marriage soon ended. I didn't tell my mother until after they were separated, because he had threatened me with his wrath if I did say anything. Not only did my mother do nothing with this information--didn't call the police, didn't bring it up in court, nothing--but knowing full well what he had done to me, she also actually considered remarrying him when I was 15. Yes, she was a victim of her uncle too. Could she have possibly thought, this is just something that happens in families, and nothing to make a big deal over?
The year I was 14, my mother having remarried my biological father, both grandfathers once apiece touched me inappropriately. My father's father was very old and immobile, and he made a grab for me as I was helping him to turn over in bed. I, along with my mother when I told her, attributed this to a doddering old man who didn't know what he was doing. It turned out that he had a reputation for this kind of thing. I was most likely the last young girl he touched like that, but I was certainly not the first. That same year, my mother's father touched me inappropriately and afterward claimed he was testing me. Congratulations, I had passed and shown myself to be a "good girl" by resisting rather than letting him. He was long dead before I told anybody.
When I was 15, some time after my mother nearly re-exposed me to my step-father, I was sexually attacked by a stranger. The police were called, reports were made, evidence was gathered, but we moved away before it went to court. I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing that with the victim no longer present to testify, the case was probably thrown out.
Once during my 20's, while I was separated from my first husband, I was assaulted by his then-roommate. Life had already taught me that I couldn't stop this from happening, and besides, back then, women were being taught to be passive or else he may hurt her. So, I pretended I was asleep and hoped he'd get bored and go away. The result was that the police told me I didn't put up enough of a fight to make it a [email protected] Since I was no longer underage, they didn't charge him with anything at all.
During my 30's, my oldest child's then-boyfriend wouldn't take no for an answer, and forced me. I called the police, and when they questioned him, he told them it was consensual. Despite photos of the bruising on my upper arms where he held me down, the police decided they couldn't prove I had no, and they didn't charge him either.
I am now in my 50's. My husband is a bus driver. A few months ago, I went with him on one of his runs. At the end of the route, I was alone on the bus with a passenger whose behavior had been "off" from the beginning, but we weren't expecting this. Hubby stepped off the bus briefly, to assist other passengers. The one I was alone with, knowing I was the driver's wife, then exposed himself to me and asked me a lewd question. I immediately yelled for my hubby, who was back on the bus in an instant. But by then, the passenger had gone to the rear of the bus and had his back turned. All hubby saw was that the passenger's shirt was off. He didn't see what else had been exposed. He says he has frequently seen homeless and/or mentally disturbed passengers take their shirts off while riding the bus, and that's all he thought it was. Although I had tried my best to communicate what happened, hubby didn't realize the full extent of it. He and a security guard immediately escorted that passenger off premises, and a supervisor made sure he will never ride one of their buses again. Hubby now says it's almost a good thing he didn't know the whole story, because if he had, then HE would have been the one to go to jail, for what he would have done to that passenger.
I understand my husband's point of view, but this most recent incident has triggered a lot of old, very ugly memories. I can't help but notice that only one time has this type of behavior resulted in the justice it deserved. From age 6 onward, every single perpetrator who did this to me has gotten away with it. And to put it mildly, I don't like that very much.
I have been sexually abused at various points in my life by multiple perpetrators. The first time it happened, I was 5 years old. The man, not related to the family in any way, abused me on several occasions. I told my parents, and they did the right thing. They believed me and called the police. I testified in court, and that man went to prison. This story got the ending it should have gotten.
BUT....
I was 6 and just coming off of this incident when a 12-year-old uncle came into my room just after I'd gone to bed. He used the excuse of coming in to kiss me good night, which is not something he did routinely. His hand went somewhere it shouldn't have gone, and then he asked me not to tell anybody. This happened only once. I have long excused it on the grounds that he was a child himself and probably didn't know better. It later came to light that he and all of his siblings, including my mother, had been abused by their own uncle. The truth is, if he had enough awareness to ask me not to tell anybody, then he knew he was doing wrong. But he probably didn't know the full extent of *why* it was wrong, and I'm still inclined to excuse it. Whether or not he is to blame, though, it still had an effect on me.
My mother has been married a total of 9 times, with live-in boyfriends between marriages, so I had revolving-door father figures. When I myself was 12, one of those step-fathers began sexually abusing me, and did it repeatedly. That marriage soon ended. I didn't tell my mother until after they were separated, because he had threatened me with his wrath if I did say anything. Not only did my mother do nothing with this information--didn't call the police, didn't bring it up in court, nothing--but knowing full well what he had done to me, she also actually considered remarrying him when I was 15. Yes, she was a victim of her uncle too. Could she have possibly thought, this is just something that happens in families, and nothing to make a big deal over?
The year I was 14, my mother having remarried my biological father, both grandfathers once apiece touched me inappropriately. My father's father was very old and immobile, and he made a grab for me as I was helping him to turn over in bed. I, along with my mother when I told her, attributed this to a doddering old man who didn't know what he was doing. It turned out that he had a reputation for this kind of thing. I was most likely the last young girl he touched like that, but I was certainly not the first. That same year, my mother's father touched me inappropriately and afterward claimed he was testing me. Congratulations, I had passed and shown myself to be a "good girl" by resisting rather than letting him. He was long dead before I told anybody.
When I was 15, some time after my mother nearly re-exposed me to my step-father, I was sexually attacked by a stranger. The police were called, reports were made, evidence was gathered, but we moved away before it went to court. I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing that with the victim no longer present to testify, the case was probably thrown out.
Once during my 20's, while I was separated from my first husband, I was assaulted by his then-roommate. Life had already taught me that I couldn't stop this from happening, and besides, back then, women were being taught to be passive or else he may hurt her. So, I pretended I was asleep and hoped he'd get bored and go away. The result was that the police told me I didn't put up enough of a fight to make it a [email protected] Since I was no longer underage, they didn't charge him with anything at all.
During my 30's, my oldest child's then-boyfriend wouldn't take no for an answer, and forced me. I called the police, and when they questioned him, he told them it was consensual. Despite photos of the bruising on my upper arms where he held me down, the police decided they couldn't prove I had no, and they didn't charge him either.
I am now in my 50's. My husband is a bus driver. A few months ago, I went with him on one of his runs. At the end of the route, I was alone on the bus with a passenger whose behavior had been "off" from the beginning, but we weren't expecting this. Hubby stepped off the bus briefly, to assist other passengers. The one I was alone with, knowing I was the driver's wife, then exposed himself to me and asked me a lewd question. I immediately yelled for my hubby, who was back on the bus in an instant. But by then, the passenger had gone to the rear of the bus and had his back turned. All hubby saw was that the passenger's shirt was off. He didn't see what else had been exposed. He says he has frequently seen homeless and/or mentally disturbed passengers take their shirts off while riding the bus, and that's all he thought it was. Although I had tried my best to communicate what happened, hubby didn't realize the full extent of it. He and a security guard immediately escorted that passenger off premises, and a supervisor made sure he will never ride one of their buses again. Hubby now says it's almost a good thing he didn't know the whole story, because if he had, then HE would have been the one to go to jail, for what he would have done to that passenger.
I understand my husband's point of view, but this most recent incident has triggered a lot of old, very ugly memories. I can't help but notice that only one time has this type of behavior resulted in the justice it deserved. From age 6 onward, every single perpetrator who did this to me has gotten away with it. And to put it mildly, I don't like that very much.
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