Musician Struggling With Panic Attacks On Stage

[Karine]

Hey folks,

First of all, I'm so happy to have find this forum! Feels good to be understood for once!

Here it goes: I'm a musician (trombonist for occurrance), and 5 years ago, I injured myself while I was playing in a big band. It took me 2 years to recover, and since then, I always have huge panic attacks every time I have to perform on a stage, which is quite often.

I see a therapist every week. Basically, she explained me that since I had a rough childhood with lots of traumatic events (alcoholic father, sexual harassment and abuse, physical and psychological abuse, etc.), this event might actually have triggered all of my traumas. I have been disconnected of my body for the first 23 years of my life or so, and suddenly, it all came back to me.

So here's my question; Am I the only one having these troubles as a musician? I tried to discuss this with a lot of people, but they get scared or think that I'm overreacting all the time. It has a big impact on my playing, and as you probably know, takes a lot of my energy since I have to deal with so many panic attacks.

Of course, feel free to answer even if you're not a musician! The more I know, the better it is!

Thank you very much, and have a great night!

 

[Seasounds]

• Welcome, Karine! You are not alone. I'm sorry that other musicians haven't shared a similar experience.
• Yes, I have heard of other musicians with this condition.
• A friend, who is a pianist, for one. She majored in music performance, until the stress of performance brought up a lot of childhood traumas. Then she went ino music education.
• And I have met many other musicians in a de-stressing, and ergonomic movement class, that I take-called The Alexander Technique. It is amazing to watch the teacher, in real time-while the musician plays for the class, walk through each second of the set-up and performance, in a gentle way, until the student demonstrates the ease they want. It brings the body along, along with your emotions, to be in the present to perform.
• There was a recent example of this with a woman who was terrified to sing,and started crying, due to a past trauma. Step by step, the woman was able to move through the fear to be in the present.
• I would be happy to send you my teacher's info, maybe she knows someone in Canada, and maybe you could attend one of her workshops.she has given workshops for musicians. So you could even get her to come to your city. Ithe AT is taught for musicians in various settings-universities, etc.
• Besides breaking through fears, the AT helps the musicians be more expressive, have clearer sounds, and reduce injuries-repetitive stress.
• Being a musician, on stage, is a level of vulnerability, in and of itself. Then add your memory of being injured while playing, and the other memories related to various kinds of injury, come tumbling out.
• On another topic, your therapist sounds right on, with the theory; at some point there is often an event that tips a person over, akin to 'a cup runneth over', since it gets too full of stress. This is what happened to me.
• It sounds like a great idea to deal with other past events.
• Yes, there is hope for you! It may take more time, patience, and support, than you planned on. I think you will be able to plerform comfortably again.
• This has been true for me. I needed time, various supports (therapy, medications, AT, etc) to work out my past so I could be comfortable in the present.

 

[Karine]

Hi Saetva!

First of all, thank you so much for your awesome answer! In fact, I do know someone in here that is practicing the Alexander Technique, and I actually never thought of asking her some tips about my anxiety! I sure will now that I'm aware that it might be helpful! :)

Thanks as well for your support; it is good to know that my situation is not unique, and that there is hope. :)

Have a great night, and thank you!! :)

Karine

 

[Seasounds]

And, like therapist, if the AT teacher isn't a good match, just find others to see how you respond to.

For me, when learning a new pattern, it has taken some regular weekly lessons (6-10) then some "tune-up" lessons, now and then. And for me, the third Alexander Teacher I met, was the one I stayed with.

Good luck!

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Karine
Welcome to the forum.
Sorry that your demons have been triggered.
We do have at least one musician here, who calls in from time to time. Her name is @Nikki100

It is interesting that you play brass. One of the researchers who has had a huge impact on how traumatic responses are thought about, and on how the lower parts of the brain can be calmed by things like breathing exercises (there is no conscious control over those brain parts, but there is conscious control over breathing, and breathing can calm those parts of the brain in a bottom up manner). ..
Is Stephen Porges, and his poly vagal theory
He played woodwind
And he describes the breathing discipline required for playing as identical to one of the forms of yoga, taught for calming trauma.
Youll get the gist of his theory from some of the interviews and presentations on YouTube.
Incidentally, his teacher was very cool!

Also on breath and calming, check out the audio book of "the mindful way through depression" on YouTube. Download and listen to it in manageable chunks. Ignore the word depression, its use is far wider than that.

Hope you find something of use
@
Ps
I'm no musician, just got huge admiration for those with the ability and dedication to be.