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Other My bed is my safe place

Rorster93

Confident
Does anyone else experience this?

My bed is my safe place, where I eat my meals, study, hang-out, all day long and then sleep all night long. I leave my bed to do necessary things, but always return.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, can get up, go into the living room, and only goes to the bed when it's time to sleep, but this is my hang out area all day when I am not working or going to school or cleaning or taking care of my animals.

I feel guilty about it. I hate acting like my mother, she has agoraphobia. Which I struggle with a little, too. Unfamiliar far away places scare me. (I still make myself go though because...I hate acting like my mother.)

But, I don't feel safe enough when I'm in the living room. I feel safe in my bed.
 
I am going through a period of depression. I am unmotivated towards everything. This is in consequence to the hostile work environment I experience every day working at a restaurant. I have been called a bitch twice, the most recent name-calling was due to me standing up for myself. I am exhausted every night while others get by with barely doing anything and leaving early. I bring it to the attention of the owner who just throws up smoke and mirrors. Lately, I've gone on a hiatus from work. And I could not be bothered if my bills are paid, or if I do my school work, or if I am tending to my boyfriend, sometimes I wish I wasn't in a relationship so I would not have to face the judgement or criticism I perceive when I am in this depressive, unmotivated state. The profession I am studying for has also changed to something that tastes like disgust. I couldn't be bothered. And I don't know when I am hungry.
 
I have showered and moved to the living room. My hair is clean but not presentable. I completed two small quizzes today. I have an appointment with my T this week, I am going to show her this thread.

I want to say I am also sick with something, but I don't think illness has me unmotivated about my present or future
 
I am not suicidal because I do not want the people who bully me at work to "win". I'd rather my life end on a good note.

I am looking for another job to get me thru school. I applied to one that is graveyard shift at a hospital, hopefully it has me working by myself. My gawd, I would LOVE to just work by myself. (It's why I chose the career I am studying for, I can work graveyard shifts by myself) solitude is my friend.
 
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