My boss is guilting me for taking breaks

Madwomeninabox

Confident
OK so I work at a fairly slow coffee shop. A lot of the time it is just me there. We don't normally take our 10 minute break. (This is illegal were I live but I can't do much to change it)

I am fine with this except for one problem. I'm being talked down to for even leaving for 2 minutes to use the bathroom. Today I knew I was going to be alone for 45 minutes and I kinda had to go so I said before you leave let me run to the bathroom. (She had 10 minutes before she was off)

My boss said in a sarcastic voice "of course that's what you always do" I just walked away. This is the normal there though. We were not busy or anything. I don't know why this is true but I have written about it here before. Everyone I work with just holds it.

I can't do it though it's triggering. My major trauma happened on the way to the bathroom. Some of it occurred in the bathroom. It involved having to beg to go to the bathroom after being raped. I really really can't handle what's happening at work. It's so triggering and it's a every day occurrence.

I don't really want to explain any of this to my boss. I shouldn't have to explain I have trauma to be aloud to go to the bathroom.

If anyone has any advice because I'm hitting my limit here. I drove around for 2 hours today because I was to scared to stop moving. This is the part of my trauma that f*cked with me in so many way. And I honestly haven't really processed. I don't want to tell my boss it's really personal to me. But I also can't handle this keeping happening.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
You don't need to tell your boss at all. Not one thing about your trauma..
She doesn't sound like a safe person at all. So I really would not tell her.

Putting the trauma aside for a moment, this is about a boss who sounds like a bully. Anyone is allowed to go to the toilet. Any and every employee will need to go to the toilet. Everyone is human. And humans go to the toilet.
So, if you feel able, this conversation is actually about basic human/employee rights, rather than your trauma. For you, it has the added layers of trauma. But as an employee, it is about the right to have breaks and to use the toilet. If that makes sense? You don't need to justify using the toilet or why asking and begging is triggering for you. As it is demeaning for anyone to have to do that, trauma history or not.

I don't know if she is the type of person who will listen?
What do your colleagues think? Can you group together to have this conversation with her? (Safety in numbers?)
 

Madwomeninabox

Confident
You don't need to tell your boss at all. Not one thing about your trauma..
She doesn't sound like a safe person at all. So I really would not tell her.

Putting the trauma aside for a moment, this is about a boss who sounds like a bully. Anyone is allowed to go to the toilet. Any and every employee will need to go to the toilet. Everyone is human. And humans go to the toilet.
So, if you feel able, this conversation is actually about basic human/employee rights, rather than your trauma. For you, it has the added layers of trauma. But as an employee, it is about the right to have breaks and to use the toilet. If that makes sense? You don't need to justify using the toilet or why asking and begging is triggering for you. As it is demeaning for anyone to have to do that, trauma history or not.

I don't know if she is the type of person who will listen?
What do your colleagues think? Can you group together to have this conversation with her? (Safety in numbers?)
Ya thank you good points. I'm really caught up in the fear it's causing me. But it's a basic human right and necessity.

I wish I had more people on my side but everyone else just gose along with it. There upset with me because I don't.

She's the type of person who would deny it. She would say oh I didn't mean it like that. You misunderstood my intentions.

She doesn't stop me she just makes sure I'm uncomfortable about it.

But I could still say something along the lines of I don't appreciate being talked down to every time I use the bathroom. It's a basic human right to use the bathroom. I think really pretty simple when you point it out.

I'm just having a trauma response on top of the real problem.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
I'm just having a trauma response on top of the real problem.
Does it help at all to remember that the trauma didn't occur in this particular bathroom (the one at work)?
Today I knew I was going to be alone for 45 minutes and I kinda had to go so I said before you leave let me run to the bathroom. (She had 10 minutes before she was off)
Or, instead of letting her know what you're doing, just do it? When you come back and boss says insultingly "where were you?" or some such, you can say "The bathroom. You're leaving soon, I'll be on shift alone and don't want to leave the front unattended. I didn't tell you because you always seem to know that's where I'm going, I figured you'd just assume." and smile and go do something so you can be the one in charge of ending the conversation.

It's a bit passive aggressive, sure - but when you know that the person isn't going to give an inch if you approach them in a more straightforward manner? I think it's OK to go ahead and speak their language in a way they'll understand.
 

Madwomeninabox

Confident
I figured you'd just assume." and smile and go do something so you can be the one in charge of ending the conversation.
This is genius 👏 actually

Or at least it's fun to think about. It's something to try. Or at least just say I'm going to the bathroom. instead of "can" I go to the bathroom.

Being less passive about it would probably help.

As far as it being a different bathroom. It really depends on the day if that helps. Sometimes it dose other times it really doesn't.
This is the trigger that affects me the most on a day to day basis. It's sucks because there is no avoiding it.
It helps to go in the handicap stall. Because it's more the small stalls that are the main trigger. Because I know it's a different place but inside a bathroom stall really looks the same in every bathroom.

I feel like a jerk for using the handicap stall. It's basically the only thing that helps a lot of the time. And even then it's not easy on some days.
 
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