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My boyfriend gives me ptsd but i’m still with him

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EliseZ

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Few months ago, I finally decided to go to a therapist, and diagnosed serious PTSD.So I just started out to realize that my boyfriend cheated on me 6 years ago, and constant flirting with others 3 years have me PTSD.

All the nightmares, flashbacks, distrust, waving emotions.... But I’m still with him. (You can call me foolish, or whatever, but for reasons, I think I am happy with him, and I decided to move forward)

Today I felt very vulnerable again and wanted to talk to him about what happened few years ago. I think I wanted to hear something positive and comforting from him but this time, he was annoyed and asked me to shut up by calling me psycho.

Here I am crying and wondering what to do, and blaming myself for bringing up the topic again.

He doesn’t seem to understand my PTSD, or is it me being too overreacting for all these years....
please help
 
I am sorry you are hurting. From the little you shared it does not sound like a healthy relationship you are in. Does he often degrade you with descriptions like "psycho"? What has your therapist said was the basic cause of your severe PTSD? And if the boyfriend is the source why would you want to be in such a destructive and traumatic relationship? It obviously is not good for you and it will certainly hinder your improvement with PTSD symptoms. Perhaps your relationship is something you need to discuss with your Therapist. You are in a tough place. It is hard to deal with getting better when you hurt so badly and do not have the support you need. I hope things improve for you.
 
Thank you guys for replying me and I felt much better with your words and understanding.

The primary reason I went to the therapist was I had a domestic violence (not my bf) that really teared me apart. While the domestic violence part was overcame because my family memebers and friends helped the situation out, my therapist wanted me to continue talking about my relationship.

Then I realized that I spent my last few years waking up in nightmares about my boyfriend cheating on me almost 4days/7 in a week. And often I have flashback of those awful feeling living under the humiliation that he brought me. I always want to discuss about the betrayal and finding comfort from his word to prove that it was not my problem making him cheated. I know I want to prove myself being attractive to him and I want this relationship last because I feel happy and confident when I’m with him. Every time I think about leaving him or him cheating me, I feel helpless and humiliated.
 
I realized that I spent my last few years waking up in nightmares about my boyfriend cheating on me almost 4days/7 in a week. And often I have flashback of those awful feeling living under the humiliation that he brought me.

I feel happy and confident when I’m with him.

Hi hun, I'd just like to point out that you said these things literally in the same paragraph. Confidence by definition is believing in your own ability to provide yourself with the things you need to thrive. That comes from within you and cannot be given to you by someone else. If you're having nightmares about losing him, that isn't confidence. That's something else entirely, and not a good thing whether it comes from you holding on to the past or from his behavior towards you.

You said he cheated on you six years ago. That's a really long time to hold on so tightly to this terror that you feel. It must be exhausting. You say he flirts with others, and I understand completely why that would bother you, but has he ever crossed the line into action with anyone in those six years since?

I'm trying to think of a way to word this delicately, but nothing is coming to mind, and I have to leave for work in a minute, so I'm just going to be blunt, and please understand that I mean no judgement towards you or disrespect with what I say.

I don't know you or him or your situation, so I could be way off base, but reading in between the lines of what you said, I'm getting the impression that your nightmares and constant need for reassurance might be coming off to him like a six-year stay in the doghouse. The impression I'm getting is that there are four presences in the relationship, not two. Him, you, his past infidelity and your fear.

He might be the absolute best guy in the world, but there is no way that things, as they are, are healthy for either of you. If you're not currently in therapy, I think it would be beneficial. Couples therapy might also help if you're determined to stay with him.

Ack! Gonna be late. lol You're in my thoughts, and I wish you the best.
 
Others have been nicer to you but my knee jerk reaction was to tell you off until you mentioned the D.V.

Flashbacks and nightmares of cheating can be upsetting but nothing close to nightmares of actual trauma.

Emotional abuse and the pain it causes is very real but it is different from ptsd. Perhaps you haven't moved on from the d.v. as well as you thought.
 
Your system is telling you that this guy is not good for you, but you are choosing to ignore all of these messages.

Why don’t you think you deserve better?

I don’t think you can override these symptoms and be “ok” with someone who is bad for you, so it’s pretty much a matter of accepting that this is how things are going to be from here on out.
 
Few months ago, I finally decided to go to a therapist, and diagnosed serious PTSD.So I just started out...

what is your earliest traumatic experience? Beyond this relationship; is there anything before that? Did you already have any worries about trust, or feelings of abandonment?
 
Few months ago, I finally decided to go to a therapist, and diagnosed serious PTSD.So I just started out...

"Serious PTSD?" hmm didnt know that was a diagnoses, I heard of acute, chronic, complex, but seriously never "serious." Sorry no offense.

Baby your boyfriend cheating and flirting can't give you ptsd. It can hurt you, just not give you that d...

I know right lol how was her life in jeopardy? Imagine her in a court trying to sue for her diagnoses, because people with real PTSD in a court of law can sue. She would get laughed out of court.

Sorry sweety (the writer of this post), I feel for you, I have dealt with heart break and would live your story a billion times over than live my life once. You are not psycho, but you need to leave that guy. Seems to me hes a douche bag. Maybe you have friends or family that can help you get away, if not there is always calling information 211 on your phone and going to a domestic violence shelter, but they will not accept you if you have family or friends that can help you. I hope you see that you are in an unhealthy relationship, and to me I can read between the lines, you both need to stop going at it, it takes two to tango. Seems like you say you developed it because of him and are mad that he is not accepting that he gave that to you. This is why I hate therapists they always try to ruin relationships, and yours is telling you that your boyfriend gave you an anxiety disorder. That is horrible, especially since with that diagnoses on your record you can sue in court. Dont ever use a diagnoses against someone who did not give it to you. My question is why would you even want to be around him if you had true PTSD from him, if he is the root and you are not being forced to be around him, then why are you there?

I have someone that I have been with and I never blamed him for my diagnoses, that is childish and foolish. NO offense.
 
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Okay I need to say a couple things to the people who have replied to EliseZ.

1- Don’t make fun of a diagnosis of “serious PTSD,” by the language, it seems that Elise might not speak English as a first language and might be translating from a diagnosis in a different language.

2- It’s generally rude to talk about someone in the third person right in front of them, when you are replying to their post, so please don’t say “lol I can imagine her being laughed at” when you could easily say “I don’t think other people will understand your claim.” I am doing it here because the focus of what I am saying is about those of you who responded.

3- Many keep calling Elise “baby” “hun” and “sweety” and I rarely see that language on this site, so I am a little suspicious that you’re doing in a way that is (maybe subconsciously) meant to undermine Elise’s claims about her diagnosis of PTSD.

4- If you think there’s something off about someone’s diagnosis or explanation, give them the benefit of the doubt and ask questions, like some here have done.

That being said, Elise, I agree with what a couple people have said, if you have been diagnosed with PTSD, it’s likely because of the violence you suffered. A PTSD diagnosis (at least in Western medicine) involves a trauma which is caused by physical harm, or a threat of physical harm. It is very possible that you are having PTSD symptoms that relate to your current boyfriend’s infidelity, but less likely that his infidelity is the trauma that caused your PTSD.
 
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