My boyfriend is spiking up my CPTSD symptoms :(

Mori

New Here
For some background on me: I was neglected growing up by my mother, who trafficked me sexually for access to drugs when she did pay attention to me. She eventually abandoned me when I was 11 and dumped me at my grandmother's house when I became less useful to her. Because of this, I have never felt like a member of society, and I have never felt like I had a family or anyone to rely on. I never had a chance not to be an outcast and I was completely divorced from any experience of a family. It's not how you grow up to be an emotionally healthy person.

Because of this I get really triggered and upset when my boyfriend goes on trips with his family or does things with his family that exclude me. He went on a trip with them - I've never been able to go on a trip with my family - and my abandonment issues and jealousy flared up so badly I tried to hurt myself. I cannot handle this anymore because it reminds me of the abuse I went through for a decade.

He also went to early college orientation recently with his mother and it reminds me of how my mom saved up NOTHING for me to go to college. How do I stop making everything about myself? I want to support him and I want to be happy for him but I am still grieving over every opportunity I didn't have.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Sorry that happened to you. It shouldn't have and it's understandable how you feel now.

Do you have a therapist?

It's really hard being triggered. It's so overwhelming, it's hard to see another way.

Is there some counter words when you feel like that that might help?
Or activities you can do to keep your mind occupied?
 
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