For some background on me: I was neglected growing up by my mother, who trafficked me sexually for access to drugs when she did pay attention to me. She eventually abandoned me when I was 11 and dumped me at my grandmother's house when I became less useful to her. Because of this, I have never felt like a member of society, and I have never felt like I had a family or anyone to rely on. I never had a chance not to be an outcast and I was completely divorced from any experience of a family. It's not how you grow up to be an emotionally healthy person.
Because of this I get really triggered and upset when my boyfriend goes on trips with his family or does things with his family that exclude me. He went on a trip with them - I've never been able to go on a trip with my family - and my abandonment issues and jealousy flared up so badly I tried to hurt myself. I cannot handle this anymore because it reminds me of the abuse I went through for a decade.
He also went to early college orientation recently with his mother and it reminds me of how my mom saved up NOTHING for me to go to college. How do I stop making everything about myself? I want to support him and I want to be happy for him but I am still grieving over every opportunity I didn't have.
Because of this I get really triggered and upset when my boyfriend goes on trips with his family or does things with his family that exclude me. He went on a trip with them - I've never been able to go on a trip with my family - and my abandonment issues and jealousy flared up so badly I tried to hurt myself. I cannot handle this anymore because it reminds me of the abuse I went through for a decade.
He also went to early college orientation recently with his mother and it reminds me of how my mom saved up NOTHING for me to go to college. How do I stop making everything about myself? I want to support him and I want to be happy for him but I am still grieving over every opportunity I didn't have.