My Dad Called Me For the First Time in Over 3 Years

EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
And no, he didn’t even call me when he told me he had cancer in November. I got a text for that!

So do you want to know what he was calling about? He called to ask me for a family recipe.

Rewind 4 years. I used to live with my dad. When packing up to move, I remember that he took his cookbook (well it was the family cookbook) and I took mine. I wanted that cookbook as it had sentimental value, but I knew he’d never let me have it, so I just took a few of the family recipes inside that were on loose pieces of paper. (I was pissed that he didn’t even tell me that he gave up the lease and that I’d have to find another place to live.)

So now he wants one of the recipes that I have. But, the book is MIA. Actually I know where the book is. It’s in a landfill, courtesy of the psychopath he married. (She’s an insanely jealous person.) She wanted him to purge his life of everything that was before her. So really, if you think about it, my thievery saved the family recipes. <takes a bow> Thank you very much!

The recipe he wants is for the holiday weekend. I know as he just asked for it, plus it has expensive ingredients.

He could ask one of our relatives for it, but he’s pissed them all off, too.

I’m not sure how I’ll handle the issue in the future. I’m ready to cut ties at this point as his phone call caused a major meltdown. He won’t contact me unless he wants something. I set the ball in motion on Tuesday for cutting remaining legal ties with him. This may take a few months.

I would like to tell him that he got the cookbook in the move, and that if he can’t find it, then his wife likely threw it away. I’ll let him search for it before I contact him again. And then when he says he can’t find it, I’ll let him know that I took my favorite recipes because they were FAMILY recipes that wouldn’t mean anything to him as he was running away from our family. I will pound into his head that his psycho wife threw the family cookbook away out of jealousy. And then I’ll point out that it was me who cared enough to save the damn family recipes.

Why should she get to eat something made from a recipe that she would have thrown away had it still been in the family cookbook?

Well, Dad, I guess it was the family favorite recipe that made me realize I need to cut ties with you. I just can’t do this anymore.
 

Freddyt

Confident
Way to go. Those kind of people run out of people to abuse and then reel previous victims back in with innocuous seeming trivial things and next thing you know.....

It is tough to do but getting rid of those people will do you a world of good.

Be very careful in communicating with them. At best send a copy of the recipe and NOTHING else, well maybe say hi. Then shut down all communication. It sound like hes pissed off most of the family so call one of them you trust and let them know whats going on so nobody starts worrying about you. Make sure they know to keep information about you to the barest minimum. Maybe call once a week to check in, then they can say they hear from you regularly.

Giving manipulators nothing to manipulate is far, far, better than saying your piece. The fact he's calling and causing you to melt down is an attempt to get you back where he can abuse you again. Everything you say to them is something they can use to get to you. Giving them nothing to use is worse for them than anything you could ever say, it literally drives them nuts. Be prepared, there will be a barrage of crap from them and it will get crazy. They are looking for a handhold and you need to stick to saying nothing in return to not give them one. Eventually they give up and look elsewhere for a victim. It's also likely they will stay away for a long time too. You are too much work and there are easier people to pick on.

Just my opinion. I've been there and done that though. It is fun to watch the crap they dream up to get you back to where they can get at you. Its good for a whole lotta laughs.
 

EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
Way to go. Those kind of people run out of people to abuse and then reel previous victims back in with innocuous seeming trivial things and next thing you know.....

It is tough to do but getting rid of those people will do you a world of good.

Be very careful in communicating with them. At best send a copy of the recipe and NOTHING else, well maybe say hi. Then shut down all communication. It sound like hes pissed off most of the family so call one of them you trust and let them know whats going on so nobody starts worrying about you. Make sure they know to keep information about you to the barest minimum. Maybe call once a week to check in, then they can say they hear from you regularly.

Giving manipulators nothing to manipulate is far, far, better than saying your piece. The fact he's calling and causing you to melt down is an attempt to get you back where he can abuse you again. Everything you say to them is something they can use to get to you. Giving them nothing to use is worse for them than anything you could ever say, it literally drives them nuts. Be prepared, there will be a barrage of crap from them and it will get crazy. They are looking for a handhold and you need to stick to saying nothing in return to not give them one. Eventually they give up and look elsewhere for a victim. It's also likely they will stay away for a long time too. You are too much work and there are easier people to pick on.

Just my opinion. I've been there and done that though. It is fun to watch the crap they dream up to get you back to where they can get at you. Its good for a whole lotta laughs.

I actually thought about it more and decided to not even talk to him about the recipe. The rest of the family already knows we are estranged.
 
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