90% of my husband’s triggers involves my now 18 yr old daughter (his step-daughter) who still lives with us. She’s a really good kid and never gets into trouble, doesn’t party, comes home at a decent hour, etc. She has always been a strong willed child though and can be vocal about her opinions (which sometimes varies from his). She especially doesn’t like people telling her what to do (who to date, life advice, etc,) and will sigh or roll her eyes when he sits her down for a lengthy lecture on these things - and that behavior sets him off frequently. A healthy adult handles her behavior with grace and love yet has a healthy conversation about how to better handle differences of opinions. My husband however loses his mind. He blames, accuses and verbalizes negative outlandish outcomes of her future on her during his fits of rage which she is made to sit and listen to because “he deserves her respect” because we pay for everything. This has been happening since she was 4 years old and has emotional trauma, low self esteem and anxiety now. She refuses to get counseling. Now that she’s 18, can she set her own boundaries with him (even though she lives with us and we pay for everything for her still)? Bow would that even look? He feels like she “owes” it to him to sit and listen to his lectures when he tells her to do so (usually when he’s triggered out of the blue because he’s been silently stewing for a few days about a comment she made). She wants to move out to protect herself from the emotional rollercoaster, but hasn’t finished her schooling and she works part time so she can’t afford to live on her own yet. If I say anything to him about how he is treating her, or try to explain a situation he only has part of the story about, or even try to show him her perspective (even using facts about her generation, psychology or medical science, etc), he turns on me too and says I think he’s an idiot and she has “manipulated me” against him, then it becomes my fault he’s angry, etc, etc. I just started counseling (and anxiety meds Lol) and I’m trying to learn how to cope with all of this. Even our son (who’s in middle school) has had anxiety for a few years due to all this. He only triggers on him occasionally, but our son is still observing this behavior and is picking up on it like it’s normal. My son adores him, but I don’t want my son to grow up treating his wife and kids this way too. How do I stop it?