My ex friends made me defenseless & depressed

Joey9999

New Here
My friend Rene didn't invite me to his birthday party. I thought I was getting to be one of his close friends again, but I guess I'm still not. I don't understand, I'm always being nice to him. He even told me that I won't be able to be one of his closest friends anymore. He won't tell me his personal life to me anymore, he will only tell his personal life to his 2 friends named Malik and Joshua. I made 1 mistake to Rene for unfriending him in the past because he was super emotionally & verbally abusive to me, and he doesn't forgive me 100 percent still. It's like he expects me to be perfect and not make a single mistake to him. I don't understand, Malik and Joshua made mistakes to Rene before, but he forgave them 100 percent. So the saying is I'm not allowed to make mistakes to him at all, only his other friends can make mistakes, and they get forgiven 100 percent. Malik even hurt me before, and Rene knew about it, but they didn't care if I was hurt by Malik because Malik didn't hurt Rene. So another saying is if Malik hurts Rene in a really bad way, Rene will unfriend Malik, but when Malik hurts me in a really bad way, Rene won't care since the hurt didn't apply to him. So he only cares about if he got hurt, but not when I was hurt. I've seen the people I know got hurt by the others, but their friends defended them. Nobody defended me. Rene used to hurt me alot in the past by being super emotionally and verbally abusive to me, but nobody cared, but when I defended myself by unfriending Rene before because of how super abusive he was to me, his friends got so mad at me that I lost my confidence because of how he and his friends were to me. It made me defenseless, depressed, and more. Then 2 and a half years later, I tried to apologize to Rene because of what I did by unfriending him for what he did to me, and he doesn't forgive me 100 percent anymore. So it makes me feel like I never had a single real friend in my entire life, only the others that I know have real friends that respects and cares about them. I even tried to make new friends before that could respect and care about me, but they didn't like me. So I never got a single new friend either. So it's better for me if I'm alone than to have the friends that don't respect me or care about me.
 

grief

Sponsor
i'm going to be honest: your friends sound like children. you need to move on from this particular group of people. you mentioned them in your previous post as well. there is a lot of "score-keeping" going on (from everybody involved.) that is only going to continue to cause suffering.
 

Chris-duck

MyPTSD Pro
You've been unhappy with these friends for months. N I only scanned the specifics cos holy wall of text plus honestly, irrelevant. Do you wanna be mates with these people? Sounds like no. So my best advice is to move on.
 

Joey9999

New Here
i'm going to be honest: your friends sound like children. you need to move on from this particular group of people. you mentioned them in your previous post as well. there is a lot of "score-keeping" going on (from everybody involved.) that is only going to continue to cause suffering.
Yep, I think they are like children. I've been acting like an adult, and they just act like children. I'm surprised you remembered my previous post, and that's good. You're right, it's only going to continue to cause suffering. I was moving on, but they wanted to see me still. I thought me and Rene were gonna finally be friends again since for some reason he still wants to see me, but I guess we were not friends still. Even my other friend Thomas wants to see me too even though he hurt me before, but I'm trying not to see him, but he keeps asking my other friend Rene to tell me that Thomas wants to see me, this is so brutal for me because he wants to hang with me still. This is really scary.

You've been unhappy with these friends for months. N I only scanned the specifics cos holy wall of text plus honestly, irrelevant. Do you wanna be mates with these people? Sounds like no. So my best advice is to move on.
Actually, it's been years, not months. I just didn't know at the time that I was only being abused by my old friends. I didn't think at the time. Yep, that's what everybody on the forum is telling me to move on from my old friends, and you guys were right. I was wrong.
 
B

Bandersnatch

So it's better for me if I'm alone than to have the friends that don't respect me or care about me.
Yes.
I made 1 mistake to Rene for unfriending him in the past because he was super emotionally & verbally abusive to me,
That’s not a mistake. The mistake is trying to be friends with someone you believe is abusive, and then being hurt and surprised when they still don’t treat you well.

That’s not attracting toxic people. That’s seeking them out, and pounding on their door, and begging to be let in.
 

Joey9999

New Here
Yes.

That’s not a mistake. The mistake is trying to be friends with someone you believe is abusive, and then being hurt and surprised when they still don’t treat you well.

That’s not attracting toxic people. That’s seeking them out, and pounding on their door, and begging to be let in.
You're absolutely right. Everything you said is true.
 

NoWhereKnowWhere

MyPTSD Pro
The thing is with people like that is that nice people you actually would be good friends with will have nothing to do with that mess. You’re never going to find new friends while they’re throwing red flags all over the place. When people show you who they are believe them.

I’ve got some great tips on finding friends in adulthood. Volunteering is a great one especially if it’s something you’re actually interested in. For example a community garden, art collective, museums always want volunteers.

Clubs and groups. Do you like games? Find a DnD group. Photography/ rambling club anything that you’re really into. You’ll be able to bond over shared enthusiasm. Especially with people willing to give up their free time for something they’re really passionate about.
 

Joey9999

New Here
The thing is with people like that is that nice people you actually would be good friends with will have nothing to do with that mess. You’re never going to find new friends while they’re throwing red flags all over the place. When people show you who they are believe them.

I’ve got some great tips on finding friends in adulthood. Volunteering is a great one especially if it’s something you’re actually interested in. For example a community garden, art collective, museums always want volunteers.

Clubs and groups. Do you like games? Find a DnD group. Photography/ rambling club anything that you’re really into. You’ll be able to bond over shared enthusiasm. Especially with people willing to give up their free time for something they’re really passionate about.
Thanks for the great tips. I'll keep those in mind.
 
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