I’ve been reading the posts here and it’s been helpful. So first thank you all. I’m Dutch, so English is not my native tongue. I’m sorry for any bad grammar or spelling errors. I write this post for two things: 1. To share my experience with regression therapy for childhood trauma. I could not find much about it on the forum, maybe it can help other people. 2. Hoping some people can give me some of their thoughts about when to end therapy.
About me: I can’t honestly say I have PTSD. I’ve heard many diagnoses over the years, personality disorder nos, dysthymia, depression, cptsd, ptsd and complex bereavement disorder. My current therapist doesn’t work with diagnoses and skews away from any psychiatry jargon. I like that.
However, I can’t deny I am traumatized by my childhood experiences and still am, 37 years old. While I would say it isn’t that bad, many therapists told me to stop denying. Well, I’ve build a good life. I’m successful… I’m never sick… People call me strong… Yeah… But in my feelings, dreams, and thinking it's something else. Like, I get on my bike to go to work in the morning crying, but moving my body will make the tears go away. I need to be productive and successful, because I have to prove myself I can handle life. Basic safety issues, not great, but I function well.
This year I got promoted at work. They gave me a biweekly coaching sessions for support in my new position. I think the word therapist fits him better, he uses regression therapy and inner child work. I had never done anything like that. I had therapy in (a diverse set of) cbt methods. I said yes when he suggested to work through my past again. I was skeptical and scared though.
I would like to share that regression therapy has been extremely helpful for me. There are controversies about it which I take seriously. But in my experience it really depends on the therapist and the client. Yes, a bad therapist can suggest things and a sensitive client can believe those suggestions or believe firmly in their own imagination. While those things are a risk in any therapy, regression therapy uses guided visualizations around memories, so those things count even more. I’d say a client needs some ego strength and authenticity towards himself and the therapist, while the therapist needs proper technic and having done his own inner work. I believe regression therapy can help people that did not have success with cbt or still have some symptoms (like me) and are willing to endure emotional pain. But N=1 here. If anyone is interested, ask me; I’m willing to discuss how those sessions took form.
During regression sessions he helped me to really feel and get through traumatic memories. That did not work before in cbt for me because when I talked, the feelings weren't there and vice versa. Now I spoke from reliving those memories. I felt like the child I was again. Crucial for me was that he helped me associate or dissociate my feelings, so I felt safe. For example by visualizing I was looking from above. He encouraged me to get ‘through’: Made me say or look at painful things I denied. Now my past feels like it’s about me: Those where my experiences, that childhood is mine. As a result, I don’t have flashbacks, panic attacks or dissociation anymore. For months… yeah… months! This is huge for me, I did not expect I could ever reach that.
However since a session in the beginning of June where we worked on a really important topic, I feel depressed. I told him how I felt: Relieved my anxiety was gone. That I felt more connection with art and music, having more diverse emotions. But I also told him about my depressive feelings. These make me think: “I don’t want to move forward anymore. Life has no meaning. Everything is mundane." He said it’s mourning and that it’s a sign that I’m healing. But it doesn’t feel like that to me. He said I should not judge, to just give it time and space. Then he said that because I’m healing we will quit shortly after the summer break. He also told me that we might work on anything else if it comes up, but that he expects that we only need one or two sessions.
I feel so much shame about this, but I don’t want to quit. I want to continue because I want to keep connecting to those feelings from childhood, I can’t do that alone. But I doubt my motivation: I’m better now. I should not dwell on the past, and move on. Maybe I still don’t want to be independent, to take care of myself. Like it’s transference, that he is the parent I miss. Maybe my depressive feelings stem from that: Feeling like I’m being abandoned again. It seems my 'inner child' doesn’t want to quit, but my adult perspective agrees with my therapist. I also can’t find a topic to talk about since that session in June, which in my experience is a sign that you are ‘done’ working together. But it is so sudden, I might be avoiding? And he is so happy with the progress I’ve made, that when I’m there I feel the same: Yeah, it’s going well, time to quit. When we started he said: You decide the pace and he meant that. It also goes with this, with ending: I have a big say in that. But I don’t know what to follow, I feel lost.
When is it time to quit? Of course I will discuss this with him after summer break, but I would love to hear perspectives from others about this.
Thank you all for being here.
About me: I can’t honestly say I have PTSD. I’ve heard many diagnoses over the years, personality disorder nos, dysthymia, depression, cptsd, ptsd and complex bereavement disorder. My current therapist doesn’t work with diagnoses and skews away from any psychiatry jargon. I like that.
However, I can’t deny I am traumatized by my childhood experiences and still am, 37 years old. While I would say it isn’t that bad, many therapists told me to stop denying. Well, I’ve build a good life. I’m successful… I’m never sick… People call me strong… Yeah… But in my feelings, dreams, and thinking it's something else. Like, I get on my bike to go to work in the morning crying, but moving my body will make the tears go away. I need to be productive and successful, because I have to prove myself I can handle life. Basic safety issues, not great, but I function well.
This year I got promoted at work. They gave me a biweekly coaching sessions for support in my new position. I think the word therapist fits him better, he uses regression therapy and inner child work. I had never done anything like that. I had therapy in (a diverse set of) cbt methods. I said yes when he suggested to work through my past again. I was skeptical and scared though.
I would like to share that regression therapy has been extremely helpful for me. There are controversies about it which I take seriously. But in my experience it really depends on the therapist and the client. Yes, a bad therapist can suggest things and a sensitive client can believe those suggestions or believe firmly in their own imagination. While those things are a risk in any therapy, regression therapy uses guided visualizations around memories, so those things count even more. I’d say a client needs some ego strength and authenticity towards himself and the therapist, while the therapist needs proper technic and having done his own inner work. I believe regression therapy can help people that did not have success with cbt or still have some symptoms (like me) and are willing to endure emotional pain. But N=1 here. If anyone is interested, ask me; I’m willing to discuss how those sessions took form.
During regression sessions he helped me to really feel and get through traumatic memories. That did not work before in cbt for me because when I talked, the feelings weren't there and vice versa. Now I spoke from reliving those memories. I felt like the child I was again. Crucial for me was that he helped me associate or dissociate my feelings, so I felt safe. For example by visualizing I was looking from above. He encouraged me to get ‘through’: Made me say or look at painful things I denied. Now my past feels like it’s about me: Those where my experiences, that childhood is mine. As a result, I don’t have flashbacks, panic attacks or dissociation anymore. For months… yeah… months! This is huge for me, I did not expect I could ever reach that.
However since a session in the beginning of June where we worked on a really important topic, I feel depressed. I told him how I felt: Relieved my anxiety was gone. That I felt more connection with art and music, having more diverse emotions. But I also told him about my depressive feelings. These make me think: “I don’t want to move forward anymore. Life has no meaning. Everything is mundane." He said it’s mourning and that it’s a sign that I’m healing. But it doesn’t feel like that to me. He said I should not judge, to just give it time and space. Then he said that because I’m healing we will quit shortly after the summer break. He also told me that we might work on anything else if it comes up, but that he expects that we only need one or two sessions.
I feel so much shame about this, but I don’t want to quit. I want to continue because I want to keep connecting to those feelings from childhood, I can’t do that alone. But I doubt my motivation: I’m better now. I should not dwell on the past, and move on. Maybe I still don’t want to be independent, to take care of myself. Like it’s transference, that he is the parent I miss. Maybe my depressive feelings stem from that: Feeling like I’m being abandoned again. It seems my 'inner child' doesn’t want to quit, but my adult perspective agrees with my therapist. I also can’t find a topic to talk about since that session in June, which in my experience is a sign that you are ‘done’ working together. But it is so sudden, I might be avoiding? And he is so happy with the progress I’ve made, that when I’m there I feel the same: Yeah, it’s going well, time to quit. When we started he said: You decide the pace and he meant that. It also goes with this, with ending: I have a big say in that. But I don’t know what to follow, I feel lost.
When is it time to quit? Of course I will discuss this with him after summer break, but I would love to hear perspectives from others about this.
Thank you all for being here.
