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My father is dying

Discussion in 'Death' started by Cannottakethis, Jan 4, 2018.

  1. Cannottakethis

    Cannottakethis Well-Known Member

    My dad is 76 and he was dx with esophageal cancer in 2014. He has pretty much outlived the odds for this type of cancer, and what he’s doing now can hardly be classified as living. It’s just my mom, sister and me, and we’ve agreed that he should come home to my parents house for hospice so he’s comfortable and we can have private time with him.
    I have never been so sad in my life. Sad is different than depressed, I’ve learned. Sadness is so justified. People accept sadness. It’s so normal for the situation. My emotions have never felt normal before.
    I was/am daddy’s girl. Seeing him so sick is the most painful thing I’ve experienced on a normal level. My mom, who has been taking care of him like a champ is starting to crack. My sisters anxiety has made her practically home bound.
    And I am working, listening to everyone else’s problems and trying to deal with my own feelings all at the same time. Thank god I got this job to have something to occupy my mind for 8+ hours a day.
    He only has a few days left. I don’t know how to reconcile this in my brain. I’ve never lost anyone close other than my kitty who only died a month ago. I’m so worried that if I’m not careful I could go into a depression. I’ve been in contact with my therapist who is only my therapist for another week and I have another one lined up. I’m taking all my meds correctly and leaning on everyone in my support system and using every skill.
    This all just sucks.
    girlinterrupted, Esterio and Rain like this.
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  3. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

    Cannottakethis and Rain like this.
  4. Esterio

    Esterio Well-Known Member Donated

    Hi there ((((((((((((((Cannottakethis))))))))))))))))
    I am sorry for the part of life you are at with your Father. It is hard to let go of someone you love so much.

    By telling us this you know he is suffering and it is time for all of you to to go and tell him you love him and it is ok for him to let go. I held my Mom's hand for the last 7 hours of her life and when she did let go I felt relief. I was her care giver for around 8 years and we were very close. I feel good that I was able to be there with her and for her. It was a hard time but I wouldn't have missed it for anything.
    Thoughts and Prayers to you and your family
    Peace be safe
    Cannottakethis, Mytime and Rain like this.
  5. Rain

    Rain To have hope is a choice Banned Premium Member Generous $250+

    It is very hard and painful to be losing someone you love so much. I have learned that love is eternal and not even the death of a much loved person can stop you from loving him. His love for you will live on in your heart and you will love him all of your life. It is hard and I am sorry that you are losing him.:hug:
    Cannottakethis and Esterio like this.
  6. Mytime

    Mytime Well-Known Member

    Yes, so painful to let go. I stayed by my dads side till he passed. My daughter bought him a star and I’ll light a candle for him when I need to feel close or if I’m celebrating which can be hard. But I try because he would want me to. I send you hugs and understanding.
    Cannottakethis, Esterio and Rain like this.
  7. She Cat

    She Cat Policy Enforcement Banned Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    Death of a parent is so hard, inevitable, but again so hard. We all deal with things differently. I’m so sorry that you and your family are facing this. Take time for you and be kind to yourself.
    Esterio and Rain like this.
  8. girlinterrupted

    girlinterrupted New Member

    I want to tell you that you aren't alone. I know the same pain. Just let yourself ache and know that it's okay to just be with it. So much love for you! If you need a friend you can always message me and I'll listen. Take care dear!
    Cannottakethis and Esterio like this.
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