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My father's death

Discussion in 'Death' started by davidclay123, Aug 22, 2017.

  1. davidclay123

    davidclay123 New Member

    Hi guys,
    I join this forum because I had problems with my father, it has been causing stress ever since his death.
    He was an alcoholic, he didn't physically abuse me but his words were sharp enough. I hate him. I thought his death would be the end of it and I don't have to live in hatred anymore but, I felt empty inside. I don't know why? Like I just lost the purpose of life.
    Can anyone give me some thoughts?
    ladee and Rain like this.
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  3. She Cat

    She Cat Policy Enforcement Banned Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    Sorry for your loss!!! Do you have PTSD???
    Simply Simon, ladee and Rain like this.
  4. Emily L

    Emily L Member

    Do you still feel hatred? In my opinion the reason you still feel this way is because even though your father died, you have not been able to heal and move on. That will definitely take time. Have you ever decided to speak to a therapist/psychologist about this? Is that something you refuse to do? some people refuse it. Do you believe in forgiveness? Forgiveness is difficult to do. But for some people it can bring about a world of peace.

    Feel free to reply. Welcome to the forum by the way!
    Xena and ladee like this.
  5. Rain

    Rain To have hope is a choice Banned Premium Member Generous $250+

    The first thing that came to my mind was that you lost your reason to hate, and so it may have left a empty place inside of you.

    When my abusive dad finally died, I felt weird for a while, I guess I could not quite believe it, then I just felt relief. Do you feel relief?
  6. Butterflies2023

    Butterflies2023 Active Member

    Hi David Clay are you there? I just ventured on this topic probably because I was avoiding it.

    I lost both parents. My dad I felt a little sadness but only when TAPS was played at the gravesite (he was a veteran) I love TAPS and would cry anytime. He was violent - verbally and physically abusive. But you know what - of the two people who passed I miss my dad just a "smidgeon" sometimes. He did try to mend his ways after age 56 or 58 but then I was not able to come around to that idea. I could not hug the man.

    When my mom died and I felt relief. My older sister and a brother never came to visit her. We never had a service for her.
    That part leaves me feeling a sad - sorry - a bit of dread. I don't miss my mom at all. She was a viper - terribly neglectful, distant and extremely critical. But I still feel everyone deserves a funeral service of some sort.

    To make matters worse, my one sister and oldest brother divided her ashes. That oldest brother I do not speak too. I told my sister it wasn't right to divide those ashes and not have a service. It's just AWFUL in my opinion.
    I could have a memorial service today for her at my church but it would seem incomplete. I wish her ashes were never divided and she had a proper service with proper burial of ashes.

    Not sure if this helped but that is where I am at today after 5 years
    Rain likes this.
  7. girlinterrupted

    girlinterrupted New Member

    The only person who it's hurting now is you. You are lovable enough to say enough is enough. And you are worth it. It just takes time to realize it. I still get angry every once in a while at my dad after he died from not giving me what I needed but I have found that it's better to let go of it as best as I can so I can move forward and heal. Some days are harder than others but be easy on yourself. I still struggle sometimes but I'm believing my worth now. It takes time.
    Rain likes this.
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