My first kiss in almost a decade

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FauxLiz

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So I have made it to date number 3, and I got my first kiss from him tonight. It probably seems strange to be excited about it honestly for me it is a huge milestone. This is the first man, guy, boy (what ever age he and I have been) that I have ever dated that I didn't make out with the day we met (and that was usually not a date). This is the first guy that I have had a date, encounter anything with that by the third meeting we were having sex. He is completely on board taking things slowly, he has not has sex with anyone since his wife died 6 years ago. I'm not his first kiss but I am okay where we are and how things are going.

I am nervous about what happens when I take my three week vacation and we have limited or no contact while I am gone but I have to accept that worrying and trying to control the situation won't help it or me and I have to just let go.
 
It probably seems strange to be excited about it
No way! It's totally normal to be excited about it!
He is completely on board taking things slowly
That's fantastic!
have to accept that worrying and trying to control the situation won't help it
Right ... in a way, going awhile for awhile is probably positive. If you come back and pick right up where you left off, that's a good sign.
 

FauxLiz

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we spent 2 hours on the phone talking last night which feels so strange as so many people prefer to text in this day and age but not me I would rather us a phone as a phone. It was nice, comfortable we talked about a lot of stuff and a lot of nothing which I supposed is to be expected. Not sure when I will see him again, he has company all this weekend as it is bow hunting season where we live and my week next week is crazy with last minute preparations for attending a conference and then my three week vacation. But that is okay cause we can still talk and text while I am gone and it helps to keep things moving slowly if we have a break. I get this weird feeling, not sure how to describe when we are talking, it is pleasant but I only remember feeling that way once before so it is scary also but I am going to continue to think positive thoughts and wait to see where things lead.
 

FauxLiz

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it feels strange to say this but I can't remember ever having someone in my life that I not only felt comfortable telling that I was in therapy on a regular basis but with this guy I don't feel ashamed and embarrassed about getting help when I talk to him. I haven't really talked about any details or the major struggles that I have gone through in the last couple of years but he knows I have a ptsd diagnosis, I have been honest with him about having trust issues, my hyper vigilance and inability to have my back to a crowd or door. He understands these things really understands them because his late wife had an abusive past before they met and so he recognizes things in me that other people generally don't see or understand.
 
Hey @FauxLiz - by now I guess you may be starting you holiday. I hope you have a great time and get some relaxation in.

Btw this guy sounds really ok. You are right to take it slow and let things evolve naturally. I mean rushing things isn't necessary or sensible. Neither of you are in that age group where intimacy has to happen to consummate the relationship. This is a mature adult relationship being created here. So have fun :)

I also like it that he's got a life. He's got stuff he does and he's well clear of the passing of his wife. That's good imo. Because you've built yourself a life, a career and have things you like doing too.

I also like that he's able to converse with you and hold your interest and attention. An engaging mind is always fun.
 

VioletButterfly

MyPTSD Pro
@FauxLiz - Haven't been out here in a while, but wanted to wish you well and let you know how excited I am for you! You give me inspiration; I haven't kissed a beau or even been on a date since before I met my ex partner back in 1990; we parted 13 years ago. Oh my, I hope it's like riding a bike! Hoping all continues to go well for you. :) VB
 

FauxLiz

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Well the vacation is drawing to an end and I am hoping that things can progress with this guy when I return. Honestly though I am a bit concerned as the night before I left and then on a couple of occasions early on during my vacation we exchanged several very steamy texts and both seemed to be cruising toward things moving significantly fast when I return. But as life and the process of doing the hard work in therapy seem to do so often I need to put the brakes back on. Don't get me wrong, I am really hoping that the next time I see him he won't wait for the end of the evening to kiss me, I would truly enjoy a good old fashioned make out session. But I need to work on my pattern of co-dependency in giving men the power to determine my worth based upon a criteria entirely of sexual performance and availability.

I am hoping that the man I met, the one that I believed when he said he needed to take things slowly and that a sexual relationship was as much an unknown quantity for him as it is for me and that a friendship needs to be established first. We both have been out of the dating/relationship arena long enough that it makes sense to be cautious and that though there may be times that things seem to start to accelerate I need to know that we are both okay with pumping the brakes either individually or together.

I am nervous to see him again. I started to put scared but I realized (thanks "feelings wheel" ?) that it isn't scared as in concerned about what bad might happen, it is nervous as in unsure of what will happen and hoping it is something good. Just don't tell my T about this post, I can see him smiling, mentally high-fiving me and giving me all kinds of positive reinforcement for not only recognizing what I feel and need, being willing to ask for what I need to see if I can't get that need met. Darn progress it does feel pretty good.
 
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