My first post here... :) is there such a thing as PTSD shock trauma group coaching? And has anyone tried Somatic Integration?

Fjara

New Here
Dear all :) I am new here and this is my very first post. I have a lot of questions and I am happy to have a place here where I can ask them, so thanks for that...

So here's my problem: Ever since I was little I could not watch violence in movies. My whole body would get stiff and I would scream. As a child, people thought I was just super sensitive. At school I didn't want this to happen so I figured out ways how to freeze it all down, then when I came home, it exploded and the physical reaction came out. My mom got used to it, so I managed to get through childhood. But here's the problem: I still have these symtoms, and now I am 36. :(

I am consequently avoiding violent movies or conversations if possible (and sex, but I am not sure how/if this is connected), and I am getting by, but I would love to "fix it". Not because I am so keen on watching these movies, but because I think I am blocking out a lot from my past. Or maybe just one event, but still. Until last year I could not even talk or write about all of this without getting overwhelmed with that shock energy, whatever that is. I have no memories of any traumatic event, and noone in my family who is still alive has any clue what might have happened. But it always felt like it was something major, I was so afraid and clingy as a little kid.

This summer I opened up about these "symtoms" in a therapy coaching group and the leader suggested that it's shock trauma PTSD and gave me a lot of hope that it's possible to work with. But my problem, or my fear is this: As soon as I start talking about it, I get overwhelmed by these symtoms. I want to/start to scream and kick and it feels so embarrising. I can supress it, but then I feel bad for days. It gets more intense when it's just me and a therapist, cause I get so much attention.

It's easier when the attention is devided in a group... so I was hoping to get some input here from people - is there such a thing as PTSD shock trauma group coaching? In a way that I can move forward, still not getting triggered all the time? And has anyone tried Somatic Integration? I went to a brainspotting session to see how it works, but it was the same thing, I could feel the overwhelming stuff coming up and stopped the exercise.

I have tried out so many things but a lot of therapist didn't know much of what they were doing. But any path I try to take seems to lead to that one event that I don't know about. If anyone has ideas or suggestions, I am happy about any comment! :) Thanks a lot!! <3
 
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Sideways

Moderator
Welcome to the forum:)

Trying to remember traumatic stuff is a really bad idea.

But getting support and help with the stuff that is distressing you and causing dysfunction in your life? Is an epically awesome idea!
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello fjara. welcome to the forum.

your post puts me in mind of my eldest foster daughter, now 6 years old. when she was two years old, her parents had a romantic interlude which resulted in police intervention and her being snatched into protective custody with older brother. it was a shock to everybody, but she came out a different child. the change was sudden, dramatic and her symptoms are allot like what you describe here. her child psychologist dubbed it, "attachment disorder." to me, one label is as good as another. having a name for ^it^ facilitates conversation, but my personal approach is to address symptoms more than dx'es.

she has been with us for 3 years now and is improving, but those symptoms are still with us. i don't expect she ever will lead charges into battle and may never make it through a scary movie. not too long ago, she made it all the way through "monster house," uncounted times, just to "grow her brave muscles." still, she's quite spectacular, just the way she is. her fears and anxieties give her an artistic sensitivity well worth developing. this child has the voice of an angel and makes up songs worthy of publication.

dunno if this has anything to do with your case, or not, but i thought i'd throw it out there, anyway while i welcome you aboard.

for what it's worth
i second sideways's notion that trying to remember traumatic stuff is a bad idea. i suffered full trauma induced amnesia and learned the hard way that forcing the memories leads to self-gaslighting and several other gnarly psychotic snot knots. when/if a memory is ready to emerge, it will emerge on its own and even then it is critical to remember that traumatized children don't have the most accurate memories on the market.
 

Fjara

New Here
hello fjara. welcome to the forum.

your post puts me in mind of my eldest foster daughter, now 6 years old. when she was two years old, her parents had a romantic interlude which resulted in police intervention and her being snatched into protective custody with older brother. it was a shock to everybody, but she came out a different child. the change was sudden, dramatic and her symptoms are allot like what you describe here. her child psychologist dubbed it, "attachment disorder." to me, one label is as good as another. having a name for ^it^ facilitates conversation, but my personal approach is to address symptoms more than dx'es.

she has been with us for 3 years now and is improving, but those symptoms are still with us. i don't expect she ever will lead charges into battle and may never make it through a scary movie. not too long ago, she made it all the way through "monster house," uncounted times, just to "grow her brave muscles." still, she's quite spectacular, just the way she is. her fears and anxieties give her an artistic sensitivity well worth developing. this child has the voice of an angel and makes up songs worthy of publication.

dunno if this has anything to do with your case, or not, but i thought i'd throw it out there, anyway while i welcome you aboard.

for what it's worth
i second sideways's notion that trying to remember traumatic stuff is a bad idea. i suffered full trauma induced amnesia and learned the hard way that forcing the memories leads to self-gaslighting and several other gnarly psychotic snot knots. when/if a memory is ready to emerge, it will emerge on its own and even then it is critical to remember that traumatized children don't have the most accurate memories on the market.
Hi and thanks for the answers! :)
Yeah I am not actively trying to remember any events, no matter how curious I am, but there is a layer of fear around it that pushes me away when I get too close.
I really feel with that little girl you are talking about. And also with what you called "training the brave muscle" My mom tried the same thing, but I have admit I hated it and I wish she hadn't done that. I already felt like such a loser and I would have loved for her to appreciate me with all my fears. I tried so hard not to show them. But sooner or later they would shadow through. Age 2, I peed my pants cause my uncle pretented to be a lion.. age 4, I couldn't look at toy monsters in a store, age 6 I still burst into tears when mom pretented to be a crocodile... And even after I managed not to cry, I felt like being liked for something that cost me so much effort - it taught me, relationships are work. And up to this day I cannot admit my fears. I don't wanna say it has to be the same with your little girl, just also felt like putting it out there. :) I so wish I could just tell someone all my fears without having this person in my brain that gives me a "Well done"-Sticker when I swollow them down you know...
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
personally, i am at the opposite end of this particular spectrum. fear triggers my anger responses to the extent that the authorities will insist i swallow them down if i don't manage it on my own. and still. . .

I so wish I could just tell someone all my fears without having this person in my brain that gives me a "Well done"-Sticker when I swollow them down you know...

yup, i really do know. whatever your personality type, self-love and silencing that inner critic remains a challenge.

i sincerely appreciate you sharing those insights to my foster daughter. she really is a mystery to me, but i'm still hoping to show her the path to self-acceptance and self-love. that's just the way god made you, love, and god don't make trash.
 
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