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My husband has ptsd and is missing

Discussion in 'Supporter Discussion' started by Jandk5721, Jun 27, 2018.

  1. jandk5721

    jandk5721 Guest

    I did put out a shirt and put up flyers with email and address but no luck.
    I noticed on the divorce papers he spelled his name wrong 5 times in his own writing: Jeffery but supposed to be Jeffrey. His sister says well he just made a mistake. How does a grown man of 50 misspell his name 5 times? Oh well.

    I have about an hour of work at the old place today and then get to work on my place. I got internet yesterday thanks to my son and for some reason feel a little normal. Now i can start applying for jobs.
    Yesterday i told an old friend about a dream i had the night before. Dreamed jay had called me in the middle of the night sounding very disoriented and asking to come home so i told him to stay put and i would come get him not to drive. I then called his sister to help me. It was 4 hours away and woke before i got there. So the friend says she loves me but just the thought of me going back to him was something she couldnt handle that i needed to kick his ass to the curb. The dream i had didnt mean i was going back to him just wanted to help him but as i told her whatever i decided was my decision and nobody else's. At this point i dont believe in an US ever again but i dont have a magic switch to turn off the love i have for this man. That will diminish in time but as of now it hasnt even been a month even though it feels like a year. So now my friend has parted ways with me and oddly i dont care.
     
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  3. jandk5721

    jandk5721 Guest

    One more thing Monday I'm going to start going back to the gym and attempt to quit smoking...wish me luck.
     
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  4. littleoc

    littleoc Making everywhere I go a better place Premium Member Donated

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    Wishing you luck :)
     
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  5. jandk5721

    jandk5721 Guest

    This is 2nd day in a row that i have not tried to message him. I did however finish the house i moved from and began decorating my place. Its actually looking prettt cute for the ghetto lol. However i still have not had a tear free day but the outbursts are less. Im just getting through one day at a time. I did order the book
    The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship: How to Support Your Partner and Keep Your Relationship Healthy. Not exactly sure why. I guess because I still love him or maybe just need answers
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 7, 2018
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  6. Mytime

    Mytime Well-Known Member

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    Wishing you luck :)
     
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  7. Nessa7

    Nessa7 Well-Known Member Donated

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    A lot of what you're describing matches my father exactly. From my experiences, I think it would be safe to say that he is experiencing psychosis, but it can be a part of a lot of different disorders. One thing I learned is that when someone experiences recurring episodes of psychosis and it's heredity, they've found that it tends to get worse each time without treatment.

    It really sucks. My father didn't start to get better until after several hospitalizations and signing over power of attorney. He's not the same person that he used to be, but he is able to have a decent life. He's in a care facility and plans to stay there the rest of his life, but the structure has improved his quality of life a lot. This didn't happen until everyone in his life was on the same page about him having a serious illness and needing treatment.

    I'm glad to see that it seems from your posts that you're making sure to take care of yourself. This experience with my dad is how I developed PTSD. I remember feeling like no one could really relate to what I was going through because they couldn't understand how difficult and complicated the situation was.
     
  8. jandk5721

    jandk5721 Guest

    Thank you for sharing. I wake everyday now with such anxiety and shaking. It takes hours for me to be able to function. I want so badly to feel normal again. I want to see him and talk to him so badly but on the other hand im terrified to see him. When he comes out of an episode he doesnt remember a lot so i have been writing him letters that hopefully one day i can give to him. Not sure if it will help but it kinda helps me to say the things on paper that i want to say to him. As for ever getting his family on board that will never happen. They are all confused dont want to make him mad and in denial of his mental illness even though that is the reason for his 100% disability from VA. Just one day at a time i guess.
     
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  9. Mytime

    Mytime Well-Known Member

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    I think it’s great that your writing him letters. Releasing your feelings and having a voice, is a great part of healing. Have you thought of therapy for yourself? You have continued to move forward and have shown your inner strength. Set new goals, try new things, meet new people. Feel the hurt you need to work through, but also allow yourself to feel joy and new experiences. Yes, your husband is ill. But has made his choice to not help himself. There is nothing you could of said or did to change that. I know right now your life at times feels out of control, lost, confused. The truth is, you do have control of you. You can set the path of what you want in your future. You can lessen the confusion by living in the present. I know it’s easier said then done. Just continue to believe in yourself, continue self care and most of all, just love yourself. Be who you want to be. Sending support :)
     
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  10. jandk5721

    jandk5721 Guest

    Im trying so hard to put on a strong persona but I'm crumbling. I'm trying so hard to stay focused on me but I'm losing. I hate all this pain all this feeling of helplessness. I hate crying and feeling so weak. I hate that God has forgotten me and my husband.
     
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  11. littleoc

    littleoc Making everywhere I go a better place Premium Member Donated

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    You may have already said this, but, Are you in therapy?
     
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  12. hithere

    hithere Well-Known Member

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    I think it is helpful to isolate from people who do not foster a calming, accepting care when I'm going through a painful time. Love hurts so terribly bad. The pain of it is really horrific. If it wasn't for love I wouldn't even be on this site. I can only imagine what you are going through and how complicated this lost love is. You are moving forward, but it could take you over a year or two to truly get over this, since you say you love him with your whole being. This is a huge a loss, like giant sized, whole world sized loss. I feel for you. Take all the time you need, and don't let friends or family tell you how you are supposed to feel or what you should do. It sounds like you are taking care of yourself which is very hard to do in the face of these difficulties. Take Care.
     
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  13. jandk5721

    jandk5721 Guest

    No but i probably should be.
     
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