trial'n'error
Silver Member
Hi all,
I am new to dealing with trauma because up until very recently, I have repressed memories of much of my trauma and denied it ever happened. For a while, my husband has thought I had multiple personalities or maybe was psychotic. I've had a hell of a time because my denial and other defense techniques were so tough that the most significant memories have had to cause huge disruptions in order to burst forth... sleep loss, rages, irrational behavior, paranoia, etc etc etc.
Now that the "truth" is coming out and I'm beginning to feel more relieved, my beloved husband is so weary. He really wants to support me but I'm scared that it's too much for hi - especially since it's taken years already to get to this point. For reasons beyond our control, our income is really low this month, so we can't afford for me to start back in therapy quite yet, so I've tried to hold everything in rather than burden him - a very costly strategy. It's resulted in a terrible bad vibe and irritability from me that I'm sure is even worse than dumping all my past crap on him.
Today, he told me I'd better start talking or my thinly veiled anger was going to destroy us. I have such a flood of memories of my mom's abuse and dad's lack of help, as well as later traumas, it's been torture. So today I started talking. At first it was good and relieving for both of us, but it seemed I could sense his exhaustion after a while... Of course that could be my rampaging paranoia/lack of trust in others caused by the abuse in my past. Now he has gone to bed with a headache. He's trying to lose weight and that probably doesn't help with the headaches, but I can't help but worry that my past is a lot for him to deal with. However, he is really my only support person right now.
I don't know exactly where I'm going with this but just wanted to get it out there for folks to discuss. I would like to know how best to communicate and heal without further harming the man I love and our relationship. I guess that's a good place to start... any suggestions?
Blessings,
trial'n'error
I am new to dealing with trauma because up until very recently, I have repressed memories of much of my trauma and denied it ever happened. For a while, my husband has thought I had multiple personalities or maybe was psychotic. I've had a hell of a time because my denial and other defense techniques were so tough that the most significant memories have had to cause huge disruptions in order to burst forth... sleep loss, rages, irrational behavior, paranoia, etc etc etc.
Now that the "truth" is coming out and I'm beginning to feel more relieved, my beloved husband is so weary. He really wants to support me but I'm scared that it's too much for hi - especially since it's taken years already to get to this point. For reasons beyond our control, our income is really low this month, so we can't afford for me to start back in therapy quite yet, so I've tried to hold everything in rather than burden him - a very costly strategy. It's resulted in a terrible bad vibe and irritability from me that I'm sure is even worse than dumping all my past crap on him.
Today, he told me I'd better start talking or my thinly veiled anger was going to destroy us. I have such a flood of memories of my mom's abuse and dad's lack of help, as well as later traumas, it's been torture. So today I started talking. At first it was good and relieving for both of us, but it seemed I could sense his exhaustion after a while... Of course that could be my rampaging paranoia/lack of trust in others caused by the abuse in my past. Now he has gone to bed with a headache. He's trying to lose weight and that probably doesn't help with the headaches, but I can't help but worry that my past is a lot for him to deal with. However, he is really my only support person right now.
I don't know exactly where I'm going with this but just wanted to get it out there for folks to discuss. I would like to know how best to communicate and heal without further harming the man I love and our relationship. I guess that's a good place to start... any suggestions?
Blessings,
trial'n'error
