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My Life - I Would Really Like Other People's Comments On My Post

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Gaurav Majumdar, Apr 15, 2007.

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  1. Gaurav Majumdar

    Gaurav Majumdar New Member

    Hi all,
    I am a new member over here.Well,to introduce myself,I am an Indian(meaning living in India).I am 20 yrs old,with my parents.My father is proffesor in Mech.engg. in an university here and my mom works in national insurance company.I (touchwood)can say that I grew up in a more or less affluent way,with schooling done in a private school(south point high school in Kolkata).I am extremely jolly by nature,but sadly,due to circumstances,I feel suppressed by my parents,esp. my father.My mother had a lot of influence on me and if it had not been for her,I couldn't have reached where I am today.By the way,I am now in my 2nd yr of my mech. engg degree in the same univ. as my father's.I had to toil real hard to get in here,since we have around a 1000 seats available in this univ and we have 90000 in our state competing for it alone and by the grace of god,I got 341 rank to secure a place in one of the premier institution in the state.
    But,my real problem started from my childhood.I would not say that my father doesn't care for me,it's really the other way round-he over-cares for me.But,form my childhood I didn't see a normal realtionship between my parents.He used to object violently if I went to stay at my maternal uncle's house(my mother later told me he sometimes abused her).Now,I am putting up a list of the things that on which,I think,my parents were wrong-
    1)I grew up seeing violent quarrels between my parents.I can't still forget the scenes in which father tried desperately to get out of the house,shouting,while my mom tried to prevent him from creating a social ruckus in the neighbourhood in the middle of the night.
    2)My father wanted to control every aspect of my life and to some extent my mother as well.It is okay to see after his/her's son's life,but not force him to do anything.I am sure,I didn't throw a lot of tantrums around in my childhood so that they could force me to correct them.My father used to beat me up if I didn't obey anyone's order/made some sums wrong in school.I remember one such incident in which I got all six simple multiplications wrong in the 2nd standard.I was sweating like hell as I came back from school with my father,fearing a severe beating as soon as he got to know about it.Expectedly,it happened.
    3)I feel I needed some encouragement in my life from my parents to venture out somewhere other than my studies.I used to love playing a lot,even now I do.But,my father on the other hand was quite against it.So,I felt quite guilty even if I went out in the evenings to play.Eventually,it often resulted in beating me up.
    4)I remember one case where I first time showed my mom how I practised writing joined alphabets in class 2,but it ended up in throwing the book away,after tearing it in half.
    5)My father didn't have any friend as such.He of course had alot of acquaintances,since he travelled around for his job,but no school/college friends as such.Also,he had a disliking for my friends(I always like hanging out with my friends)who were not that bright in studies.So,I often felt guilty in bringing them to my house.
    6)Another incident I remember where I got a punch on my nose from my father as I refused to eat sea fish.
    8)I was not allowed to travel anywhere on my own till 12th standard.That also contributed greatly to my lack of self-confidence.
    9)from class 11,I needed to concentrate hard on my studies in order to get a birth in a good univ.But,at the same time I began to realise that if I didn't resisted this,it would continue.So,from that time on(4yrs back)I started opposing him.Just like the christmas there,we have our own hindu festivals when all of our school friends met and went out to see the festivities taking place all around te city.But,although I confronted him a number of times,I was still not allowed to go out with my friends.
    10)In the school,till class 10 I had no problems in mixing with my friends as I was extremely jolly and friendly by nature.But,from class 11,I realised that I was lacking the confidence of a 17yr old boy.I thought of the days when I will have to face the world by myself as I grow up.So, I started confronting him on any issue I didn't feel right.But,meanwhile I was being constantly pressurized to do well in my studies.
    11)finally,after a lot of hard work,I got a seat in the univ. I was looking for.But,as I was preparing for my school leaving exam,I made a resolve to change all of this once and for all as soon as I get into college,for, I needed the confidence to face the world.At the same time,I didn't want to alienate them from me,as I required their support in my way,not in their way.
    12)So,as planned,I revamped myself on entering college,changing my looks from that of a nerd to a more or less smart boy who was serious about his future career.I thought I can change my parents quickly in order to match a normal family life,but I resulted in everyday serious confrontation.I WANTED TO DO ALL OF MY THINGS BY MYSELF,BUT FOR THAT I NEEDED TO CHANGE THEIR ATTITUDE FIRST.
    13)I started going out on my own to theatres with my friends,to college,to distant places.But,regarding my studies thewy continued to interfere,resulting in violent quarrels.
    14)I tried to force doing things in my own way but the fear of repurcussion from my parents was gradually getting imprinted in my memory.I tried to remove those memories of my childhood but I just couldn't.Also,quarrels became a part of my everyday life in college with my parents as they tried to restrict me from doing anything.I know I over-reacted in certain cases but that came from my past memories that haunted me.
    15)Now,I often feel dejected and frustrated that why I had to face such a tormenting childhood,which often resulted in thinking about my past experiences for hours as I sat in front of the TV in the first yr of my college.
    16)From the beginning of my 2nd yr,my father realised to some extent his mistakes in parenting after a number of counselling sessions with a professional ,as I was gradually getting depressed.
    17)Although after 19yrs of struggle they have now promised that they will not repeat their past acts,sometimes those memories come back,making frustrated to think that why didn't they realise it on their own?So,then I grow quiet,but by self-counselling I come out it to some extent(touchwood).I know they will not repeat the things that I have told them not to,because they just remind me of my past experiences which I don't want a reminder in any case.
    So,it's going on in this way as of now.I am really looking forward to your positive comments on my post.
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  3. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Hi Gaurav.

    I'm sorry but you are in the wrong forum. This forum is for PTSD. In order to have PTSD, you would have to have experienced a traumatic event.

    Your life history is one of oppression, and although I feel for you this is not the place for that.

    Please take care,

  4. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Hi Gaurav,

    I think what bec is trying to say, is that we support those who have suffered "abnormal" trauma, which is what gives Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and not just what is classed as "normal" life trauma. What you describe is classed as "normal" life trauma, just like a parent dieing under fairly natural circumstances, PTSD cannot be diagnosed as it is a normal life trauma, one in which can be easily helped through counselling. We are not a counselling service here, we are here for those who have suffered "abnormal" life trauma and have developed a chemical imbalance within the brain, which is called PTSD.

    From what you describe, I doubt very much you have PTSD, but more likely you simply need to speak with a counsellor in which to talk about your past, get things out of you that are hindering your current emotional self.

    Now if more exists than you say, ie. "abnormal" trauma, then that is very different. People often confuse what is normal in life and think they may have PTSD as a result because they have a few symptoms. To be honest, most people in life have symptoms of PTSD, but not PTSD itself, as every person will suffer what is classed as "normal" trauma. PTSD 99.99% of the time only develops from abnormal trauma, or some prolonged abnormal trauma, ie. childhood abuse, or a lifetime (ie. 20 years) of constant emotional abuse.
  5. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

    Gaurav, please don't draw any concl. yet, find out one way or the other.

    Oh' Gaurav hello. :hello: Glad you introduced yourself. Do hope you always seek and find all the right answers. I have no way of knowing whether or not you have PTSD or not. I certainly hope not, for you.

    There is a form here within the forum that you might want to take a look at. Here it is:

    "The form is by no means a diagnosis of PTSD, and individuals must seek professional medical advice for actual diagnosis." (anthony)

    Gaurav, bc you did mention so much about oppression, it can be misguiding to practically anyone. I quoted too what Anthony said, bc I understand what he's saying, in saying, from what you describe.

    I also though know from my experience, that things are not always what they appear, plus sometimes its not what's being said, it what's not being said that is most revealing. So who knows what? None of us do, so why don't you Gaurav take care of yourself, find out whether or not you do have PTSD, bc it's quite possilbe to have lived yrs. of oppression and have PTSD. And, then again it too is possible to witness and survive 'abnormal trauma' and not necessarily get the chemical imbalance of PTSD.

    So Gaurav, it's up to you, I'm counting on you to take care, be as honest with yourself and an expert as you can, and find out whether or not you have PTSD.

    Though I certainly hope not. As I wouldn't wish this severe chemical/mental condition even on my worse enemy. I also strive to not presume anything about anyone, or even the severity of what you've mentioned above, bc I know all to well some of the basic, deceptive nature of this condition.

    I mean just read, and you'll see how many people with PTSD go undiagnosed and/or misdiagnosed, and just some of it has to do with ourselves not being yet ready or capable of giving up our many rationalizations and/or vices.

    Just take this for what's worth and take good care of yourself Guarav.

    I do hope anthony you will forgive me for quoting so much. And, I hope it's not too much. I do see it as all pertinent and perhaps useful to Guarav, if he were to log on again and read. It might help him to really set aside the oppression for now and look at, perhaps measure the still quite possible or (possibly nonexistent) prolonged nature and/or severity of what just might be 'abnormal' physical, psycho., emot. abuse.

    I know I had my fair share of severe/'abnormal' abuses by the age of 5, but if you would've asked me at certain times, I just would've placed so much in front of it all that the time, my PTSD would've been impossible for me to see and own.

    ...quite hesitent to post this one, but truly I don't mean no harm to anyone, so will do.

    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 21, 2015
  6. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

    just need to add one more thing, and I simply have very little time left here right now, but I wished I had placed Anthony's quote at the very end of everything written, bc this is really what I mean, and yet I now see and fear, it could be misinterpreted as a bit of sarcasm from me, and that is simply not what I mean at all.

    Again, it's very simple and understandable. "from what you describe".

    What I quoted of yours Guarav, (and that which left open the real possibility of masked PTSD,) all depending upon what you may have (or may not have) yet to discuss Guarav, was hard to find amidst so much.

    Whatever ! ...and take care all'
    .....crap' I need to relax more..............a little bit more faith would do me just fine.

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