My life is so hard at the moment

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Joey9999

Policy Enforcement
Hey. I remember when you guys told me to move on from my friend Rene months ago, looks like you guys were right all along that I should of moved on from my friend completely. When I was all alone for months, I was really happy and not stressed, but right now, when I was stupidly begging my friend to let me come back to his life completely, I was completely stressed out. I told him that he hurt me, but he still thinks that I hurt him (which I didn't at all.) The reason why I did that again was because in the future, when I get my own place, I'll have nobody to help me with the bills, but myself only. I'm having a really hard time trying to get my own place at the moment because the places I'm trying to get are really expensive. Even if I have a job or two, I still wouldn't be paid enough. So it's not fair that everybody I know gets help from their friends with the bills, and I don't get any help at all. I'm afraid of getting jobs at the moment because I have seizures, and I'm afraid that I'll pass out while working, and I don't want that to happen to me. I don't know what exact seizures I get. All I know is that I usually get a seizure when I'm stressed out. I think the cause of me getting seizures is being stressed out. My life is extremely hard right now because of my seizures. I hate having to go through seizures because they're extremely scary, and I'm afraid that I'll die every time I'm about to get a seizure again. I don't know what to do. I guess all I can do is to continue being alone, so I can feel less stressed and not end up getting another seizure.
 

Joey9999

Policy Enforcement
What is his reason for thinking that you hurt him?

Is it an option for you to see a doctor about this?
It's because I left him as a friend back in 2018 because I couldn't deal with his emotionally & verbally abusive behavior anymore. People were accusing me of being abusive when my friend actually gave his abusive behavior to me. When I dealt with his abusive behavior so much, it felt like he was the parent and I was like the child. So I was affected emotionally and verbally by him. The reason why I allowed him to do it to me because I didn't have any friends back then. I was completely alone. I didn't think back then. It took me several years to wake up to finally realize that I should of been alone all along. Then I never would of been affected by him in the first place. He's a pro at hiding his abusive behavior to alot of people including me. I tried to tell him to stop being abusive to me multiple times, but he didn't listen. So I had no choice but to let him go back in 2018. So my stress & seizures wouldn't get worse. .

For the second question. Yes it is, I see my doctor every 3 months. Last time I saw my doctor was 2 months ago. I told him that I had another seizure. My doctor told me that he was gonna increase my milligrams of my medication if I ever get another seizure again. You won't believe how many milligrams of my medication I take. I take 1,000 milligrams of Keppra every morning, 500 milligrams every afternoon, & 1,000 milligrams every evening. So the total is 2,500 milligrams that I take everyday. It's insane since my seizures keep getting worse lately. Lately, I've been afraid that I'll get another seizure. I just hope that I don't end up getting another seizure.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
I'm sorry things are so tough right now. Having seizures must be really freightening.

So it's not fair that everybody I know gets help from their friends with the bills, and I don't get any help at
I wondered about this? Do you mean friends just giving other friends money so that they can pay the bills? Or living with a flatmate and sharing the cost of a place together?
Can you maybe find a new houseshare if someone else is looking to rent a room out to someone?

. I'm afraid of getting jobs at the moment because I have seizures, and I'm afraid that I'll pass out while working, and I don't want that to happen to me
Can you get support with that?

I take 1,000 milligrams of Keppra every morning, 500 milligrams every afternoon, & 1,000 milligrams every evenin
My mum takes Keppra as she has epilepsy. You said you don't know what type of seizures you have. Can you get a second opinion on the seizures and medication?

. I was completely alone
It's horrible feeling and being alone. Do you feel you have the energy to reach out and maybe try and make new friends? It does take a lot of energy doing that though.
 

Joey9999

Policy Enforcement
What kind of abusive behavior were they accusing you of?
They were accusing me of being extremely angry & having a harsh tone.
is this a psychogenic seizure?
Yes, I think I may have psychogenic seizure. I never told my doctor about psychogenic seizure before. I never heard of psychogenic seizure before until you mentioned the word psychogenic. So thank you for saying it. You helped me identify of what seizure I may have. Next time I go see my doctor again. I'll ask my doctor about psychogenic seizure. So I appreciate you for saying the word psychogenic. :)
I'm sorry things are so tough right now. Having seizures must be really freightening.
Yep, it sure is really frightening.
I wondered about this? Do you mean friends just giving other friends money so that they can pay the bills? Or living with a flatmate and sharing the cost of a place together?
Can you maybe find a new houseshare if someone else is looking to rent a room out to someone?
I think it's the sharing the cost of a place together like people helping eachother with the bills in a place, electricity, phone, food, and more. I'm not sure at the moment because I have trust issues with people in real life. I get afraid that if I shared a place with someone. He or she or they might have me pay more if I rented a room while they get the living room, bedroom, bathroom, and the kitchen. I'll still keep the looking to rent a room out in mind just in case I'm ready.
My mum takes Keppra as she has epilepsy. You said you don't know what type of seizures you have. Can you get a second opinion on the seizures and medication?
I might have psychogenic seizure just like what grief wrote. It's Levetiracetam. Levetiracetam is generic for Keppra.
It's horrible feeling and being alone. Do you feel you have the energy to reach out and maybe try and make new friends? It does take a lot of energy doing that though.
Yep, it sure is horrible feeling. Not right now since lately I've been having fears of having to go through another seizure, but I'll have to maybe try and make new friends eventually.
Can you get support with that?
I'm not sure. I hope so.
Re seizures, are you aware while you have them? Like can you see and hear what is happening around you?
Well, when my seizure is about to start. I usually start hearing myself cry & moan like the seizure is forcing me to do that for about 5 seconds before I go unconscious, and I won't realize of what's happening to me when I go unconscious. Sometimes, when I get seizures. The weird part is that while I'll have a seizure going on around me. I'll end up going conscious about hearing myself having a seizure for about 5 seconds, then I'd go back to being unconscious. And then I'll start being completely conscious again without having to go unconscious again until my seizure is over.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
I might have psychogenic seizure just like what grief wrote. It's Levetiracetam. Levetiracetam is generic for Keppra.
Well, Keppra is a legit seizure medication; your dose (at 2500mg/day) is still under the recommended therapeutic dosage for adults, but I don't know if you've told us how old you are...still - you can talk with your doctor about getting properly tested; there are many different types of epileptic seizures, and you should be able to learn which type you are having. Testing is also how they would discover if any of your seizure activity is related to psychogenic non-epileptic seizures (PNES).

It's not uncommon for people with epilepsy to also develop PNES, as a result of having their "regular" (epileptic) seizures being improperly or inconsistently managed.

I'm just adding to what others have said - which is, it's important that you follow through with your doctor on this issue. Depending on what country you're located in, you may need to be referred to a specialist.

They were accusing me of being extremely angry & having a harsh tone.
Is it possible you did have a harsh tone?

I'm asking because, it might be that both you and the other person are right - that each of you hurt the other, even though that's not how it looks from your perspective. And if this is the case, it would be a really therapeutic experience for you to try and apologize to your friend. Even if you sounded harsh out of your own fear and stress - that can be perceived by another person as anger being directed at them.

I'm curious what you think about that possibility, that there was a misinterpretation.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Yes, I think I may have psychogenic seizure. I never told my doctor about psychogenic seizure before. I never heard of psychogenic seizure before until you mentioned the word psychogenic. So thank you for saying it. You helped me identify of what seizure I may have. Next time I go see my doctor again. I'll ask my doctor about psychogenic seizure.
Your doctor should/would have spoken to you about what type of seizures you're having? Be careful because none of us on the internet can diagnose you with anything! Best bet is to speak to your doctor and/or get a second opinion.


I think it's the sharing the cost of a place together like people helping eachother with the bills in a place, electricity, phone, food, and more. I'm not sure at the moment because I have trust issues with people in real life. I get afraid that if I shared a place with someone. He or she or they might have me pay more if I rented a room while they get the living room, bedroom, bathroom, and the kitchen. I'll still keep the
Do you have a therapist? Becuase working through these trust issues might help? That's a lot of paranoia there in terms of a flatshare.
 

grief

Sponsor
Be careful because none of us on the internet can diagnose you with anything!
yes i was just asking as i had thought you were aware of what type of sezure it was. you should speak with your physecian about it, 100%. absolutely. joey is correct as well-you could be having psychogenic seizures and epelepic seizures, or one or the other. i just asked because you said it happens when you are stressed.
 
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