My Love Story My Marine And His Ptsd

Not open for further replies.


I met my infantry marine two years ago several months after he returned from operation Iraqi freedom. I met him when he came home to his home state on leave. When I met him he was the most charming, kind hearted, respectful, funny and gorgeous man I'd ever met. He opened doors, pull out chairs, affectionate, he's the type that loves to spoil his woman in every way. I fell in love with him almost instantly. He was stationed in North Carolina an entire different state from where I lived which was thousands miles away.

I'm normally not into long distant relationships but this time I made an exception. After all its very rare I find a guy like him so why let distance keep us apart I thought to myself. I had never dated anyone in the military before and had no idea what to expect being a military girlfriend. Especially being one miles away. Once his leave was up and he returned to his base in NC we stayed in contact as much as we could by texting each other all day, talking on the phone for hours, web cam etc. This only lasted for about a month after he left his home town where he met me.

Less than a month into the relationship. He told me that he was leaving for Afganastan in about six months. I froze and tats when things got real for me. I never thought that in my lifetime I'd fall in love with someone who would go to combat; where I'd worry day and night if he'd make it back alive.

Only about six weeks into our new relationship, things quickly began to change with my marine and I. The phone calls weren’t coming through as frequently as they use to and some days no contact at all. I began to barely hear from him. When I got a hold of him he was always busy . I began to feel lonely and realized that maybe dating a guy in the military is not for me. I need someone who will be here with me and available when I need him and vice versa. Anyhow, I still try to proceed with this long distance relationship when I slowly began to feel like this guy who I fell for a couple months ago is no longer that into me. Whenever I got a hold of him, he began to sound annoyed with me for no reason.

I finally decided to say look this isn’t going to work for me. I will admitt . I like alot of attention, a bit clingy but when we met so was he.. and Military men are obviously really busy and dont have the time. Furthermore, when are we really going to get close and get to know each other more if he is preparing to deploy in just a few months anyway to afganastan? I expressed these feelings to him and thats when he begged and pleaded with me to be patient. He assured me things will work out fine. He said after her returns from Afganastan in 2010, he will only have less than a year in his contract. He did not plan on re-newing it and that he plans on coming home to begin starting a life with me and possibly work towards marriage.

When I didn't budge, in order to prove his love for me he somehow made up some crazy story to tell his commander and was able to get a one day leave to fly home for an "emergency" just so he could see me before he had to go on a field operation for 6 to 8 weeks. Gee I was flattered! We had a great 24hrs together and then he returned to base again. Long story short.. he kept up the same pattern of being extremly charming, calling me alot then a few days with not calling or answering his phone. Back then he blamed it on his job as a marine. Always get up and go and he has no time to be on the phone. So I accepted it until one Holiday weekend when he was to fly home he was a no call no show. When I spoke to him I gave him a piece of my mind and said I had enough! I explained to him that I cant deal with this long distance, the military stuff and at this point I had only known him 3 months. It would of been different if I had known him prior to him enlisting. This was too much to take on in a new relationship in my opinion. I I told him I'd rather be his friend who he calls when he has free time and not his girlfriend where he feels obligated to find time in his busy schedule to give me time and attention.

After the breakup we were just that. Friends. We called each other from time to time. He'd make me laugh we shared stories etc. I was a single mom who had it rough at times and even as a friend he offered to help me out with what I needed financially- without expecting anything in return. He still was an awesome guy and I would always day dream of how it will be once he gets out the Military amd how perfect it would be if we would reunite. I thought he had all the qualities my future husband needs to have and the only thing getting in the way is him being on active duty right now and him going to Afganastan and possibly not coming back alive.. . Some would say It was selfish of me, but I just couldnt put my life on hold for that long for someone I just met a few months ago. At the time I was in my mid twenties and the marriage bug bit me and I felt like I'd be losing more time by waiting on a man who "might" come home in about two years from the Military.

Two months pass by and now its Christmas time 2009. I had barely spoke to my marine in awhile as he was on field opperations and I was entertaining a new guy who I had met and was getting to know. Well I got a surprise call from My Marine/prince charming that he was going to be in town for two weeks and wants to maybe take me out for dinner and catch up. Well, how was that possible when I just met someone new. The new guy was super clingy and never gave me a chance to breathe. The new guy and I never got really far because he turned out to be a nut case and I got rid of him quickly! 8 days went by out of My Marines leave and I still didnt see him. Finally I called him on Christmas morning to wish him a merry Christmas. I had plans to visit my family that day and knew I didnt really have time to see him. After all the Christmas celebration had finished and I pulled up to my apartment, Santa sent me the best gift ever. There was my marine waiting for me in my parking lot. (To most this might sound creepy but this is quite normal for him to just show up without warning) I was overwhelemd with Joy and happy. I hadn't seen him in months. In his hands he had a gift bag, It was Christmas gift for me! A $500 designer purse. Something I have never owned before. The gift was really nice but I was more blown away that after all these months and us barely communicating that he thought to get me gift? wow.. He told me I work hard, I am a beautiful person and I deserve it. He also went on to say that he never goes a day without thinking about me, even when he is on his field opperations sleeping in the dirt holes he is thinking of me. He came inside, had a few drinks and we talked laughed and we ended up kissing which led to him pleading with me to give "us" another chance. But I could not make him that promise at the time.
I told him I cant just pick up where we left off like that and plus in just a few weeks he will be leaving for Afganatsan. I asked him "do you know what that means?" He said " What you're afraid I'm not going to make it back alive?" I said to him " I pray to god you will but when you go to war that is a reality that not all of you may make it back and I'm afraid. Plus your in the infantry!" I started crying and he whiped my tears and starred me in my eyes and said " Listen to me, I will make it back alive, I promise you, and when I do wherever you are I will find you and we will make it work".. I just told him we will see... I hugged him as if I would never see him again. But even after all that romantic drama, when he left back to North Carolina.. Same thing. No calls, only here and there. I didnt take it personally. I figured he was just conditioning his mind for combat. But when the time came for him to leave, I didnt hear from him. He didnt say when he was leaving and he didnt say good-bye. I figured he left after I called his cel phone numerous times when he didnt answer and some time in early March of 2010 I called and his cel phone was disconnected. I knew he had left. I was sad. I didnt understand why he didnt say good-bye, was he upset with me because I didnt agree to wait on him? I didnt know what to think. I wouldnt have no way of finding out if he was okay because in the short time I knew him I only met a few of his friends and family members in which I didnt know how to get in contact with. I felt it was better this way in case something was to happen. Not knowing, I guess I couldnt hurt. right? maybe maybe not.

Months pass and I moved on with my life. I continued to work hard and raise my four year old daughter. My Marine would still cross my mind every once in a while. I didnt know if I could write him or even where to send him a letter. So My next guess was to send him an email and tell him how much i miss him and I understand why he may have not said good-bye. I waited a month later and sent him another short email. After no response to either email. I figured, maybe he doesnt have access to a computer at anytime. I dont know. Like I said I have never dated or known anyone close to me who ever when to war. So I didnt send him anymore emails.

While he was deployed I was single again. I went on a few dates, the guys were all weirdo's or just jerks and most of the time i'd find a reason to escape the date early. No one. No one was like my Marine. They didnt make me smile, they couldnt make me giddy like him and I asked myself Why didnt I just wait on him?? At this point, I felt like no need to cry over spilled milk. Whats done is done. Days passed, and I didnt think of Marine much, Occasionally I'd dream about him, that he was there in my room talking to me. Those dreams concerned me. I didnt know if he was talking to me from the dead through a message in my dream! (Maybe I watch too many movies).

Life goes on. And Now about 8 months has passed near or about the time I "think" he left for Afganastan. So I suspected if he is alive he should be back in the states by now. But I still hadn't received a call and the only number i had for him is still disconnected. I started googling his name and his unit in NC to see if there were any news articles about him. Thankfully nothing. It was now fall 2010. I hadn't seen my marine in nearly a year. My lease for my apartment had expired. My daughters father and his friends came by to help move my furniture. I didnt have anyone else to help. On the day that I'm moving as I was walking outside loading things on to the Uhaul truck I noticed someone across the parking Lot of my apartment complex leaning against a black car with their arms crossed. I wasnt wearing my glasses so in my head I'm squinting wondering " who the heck is that starring me down?" Then I recogonize the guy with signature fitted baseball cap turned backwards, and I recogonize the car.. it was my Marine!!!!!!!!! I dropped whatever was in my hands and I sprinted across the parking lot and jumped in his arms.

At this point I am just thinking we have got to be meant to be! He came right on time. I had no contact number for him and I'm sure after being deployed all this time he had lost my number and I was moving. If he showed up at my house a day later he would of misssed me and he wouldnt know where I moved. He said he had been back for a month but didnt have a phone number for me. I asked him what happened to his cel phone. He said he tossed it in the river before he left.. He was in a really different state of mind and really didnt want to say good bye to me. He expalined that when he goes to combat he doesnt want to go with any kind of emotions. He said that he will be leaving to Haiti in about a month to help in the earthquake relief. Gees, I didnt have time to celebrate his return home and he is already leaving again for a few months? Anyhow. Our reunion however was brief. The atmosphere was a little uncomfortable with my daughters father there helping with the move with his friends. I was so kiddy and excited I didnt realize that he drove off without us exchanging numbers and he was on his way back to NC. He only came in town for a day to pick up his car in which he left at his parents. I felt bumbed.

As soon as he left I sent him an email advising him of my new contact number. This time it was up to faith. If we were meant to be we will be. About a week went buy and I receive a call from an out of state phone number. It was him. My long ago Prince charming Marine. A voice never sounded so darn sweet. I did however notice he sounded a little sad, a bit broken as if someone robbed his soul. He was listening to me run my mouth but when I asked him how was it over there. His only response was.. "I've seen alot of Sh#T. " I could tell he didnt want to get into it. He said that the number he is calling from was his friends cel phone and that he has not gotten a new cel phone he didn t see the point because he was leaving to Haiti for 2 to four months. He mentioned nothing about us reuniting. He didnt say anything such as I missed you. He sounded completely flat. He called a few times after that night and then disappeared AGAIN! He left for Haiti without saying good-bye. I took it that this is what he does on every deployment. I've been apart from him all this time. I didnt expect him to call me or be so in to me. I figured the flames had blown out so to speak.

As usual carried on with my life. Worked as a full time paralegal, even started a new business on the side where I manage models and actors. Something I had a background in because myself, was a model and actress but gave up to pursue a more steady career to raise my child. I was in a happy place in my life. I even started dating again or atleast try to. Nothing had changed much. The guys I met just didnt cut it. They lacked family values, they had commitment issues or they were not financially stable. After coming home one night after a horrible date. I showered and jumped in bed with my laptop and started checking my emails. In search of an email I had saved pertaining to one of my models and accidently came across an old sweet email I received from my marine in 2009. I smiled and counted the months since the last time we spoke. It is now March 2011. Its been well over the 2-4 months he said he'd been in Haiti. I sent him quick email with only friendly intentions. It had to been after 1am EST. The subect line read " Dude!?" and I simply said in the body" You cant possibly still be in Haiti right now! When you can give me a call, I'd like to know how youre doing" To my surprise I got a response almost immediatly and my heart just jumped. He replied and said "
your right, I'm not. There were more important things going on in Lybia so they picked us up in Haiti and brought us here, But I should be home real soon, home meaning out the Marine corps". The emails went back and forth for about an hour. The last email he said "I've thought about you alot and I miss you soo much". Then a couple weeks passed and I'd receive an email every other day from my marine. Nothing serious. Mostly that he was looking forward to ending his contract in just two months. He asked me to email him some recent pictures of myself and I sent him a few of the pictures from a photo shoot I did a month earlier. He fell in love with the pictures and i guess seeing my face invoked memories of us being together. He always made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. He often felt like I was the r&b singer Rhianna long lost twin sister. lol.

After the pictures were sent I didnt hear from him in two days. One late friday night I was home watching a movie alone when the phone rings at around mid-night. The number read " PRIVATE CALL". I answered with curiousty and there was that voice " whats up Kidd" He often called me Kidd. And there was the gitters all over again. He said that he was now in Kuwait, waiting to be sent back to the states. We are now in April.. My marine called me all throughout the day and night numerous times a day. He sounded like the same silly, charming and loving guy I fell for two years ago. During our phone conversations he expressed to me that his feelings never changed for me. He finally admitted that he was a little upset with me for not wanting to wait while he went to afganastan and more upset that he only received two emails for me in his 8 months of being over there. But he said he had forgiven me and moved pass that. He said that he thought of me often over there. He wondered if I had moved on and fell in love with someone else. Well he was thrilled to here that I was still single. And ofcourse so was he. He's been deployed three times in a year, I really didnt expect for him to meet anyone new.

He expressed how I was the last girl and only girl who had his heart. <3 . Undoubtly I told him for me it was the same. Well he told me that he kept his promise. He said " I came back alive, I found you like I told you I would and now I am coming home to you in Florida. " He then went into how he is at the point in his life where he wants to settle down, he wants a family and would love to be a husband one day. He asked me am I ready for all those things and would I like to take that walk with him in that direction. He went very deep into a conversation that just blew me away. He said that we dont know each other that well yet we have a bond. We need to get to know each other likes and dislikes without having the coverup of distance, time and just telephone conversations. He said he has such strong feelings for me that the first person he thinks about in the morning is me. All day I am programmed in his mind and he is so anxious to finally come out the military and be with me whenever he wants. I told him I would love for this to happen. I always thought of him as a wonderful guy that would make a great husband. He is a Protecter, yet so gentle when it comes to me, Provider, he is a hardworker, and He always profess his love to me. The 3 P's Steve Harvey book "Act like a lady think like a Man" speaks about. He had it all except one P. " Persistance". I reminded him of the times he would come on so strong romantically and then just disapear without any reason, no calls no show. He blamed it on his career with the Military and assured me that things will be soo much bettter now when he's home. I would have him all to myself. He even went as far as saying, he knows he wants to marry me. He knew it since the first time he met me. Dang Cupid shot me again. At that moment April 12, 2011 he won me back again. What reason did I have not to this time right? This is what I day dreamed about two years ago all the time. The time has come and he is coming Home. I couldn't wait for the fireworks. -----NOT so fast.

My Marine contract was due to expire Memorial day weekend of 2011. The week before he was schedule to be discharged from the Military I hadnt heard from him. He had return from Kuwait a week prior and the last thing he told me is that he was on the way to a doctor back on base. He didnt specify what kind of doctor. I assumed a physical since he was returning home from a deployment. The date of his discharge came and went. No call No Show. A week went by nothing, Two weeks went by still nothing. He didnt have his own cel phone. He was waiting until he come home to Florida to purchase one. The phone he was calling me from was a satelitte phone which all the marines shared. This is what he told me atleast. I had no number to reach him. I was bumped, crushed and hurt. But was I surprised? Not really. He's gone ghost on me before. But those times was due to a deployment. This time what could be the reason? I felt confused, I thought he was just playing games with my head, used me for company while he was deployed or even just paying me back for not wanting to wait on him while he went to Afganastan. I didnt know what to think.

I checked the DOD website and It confirmed that he was no longer activity duty as of May 28 2011. So I was more confused. I sent him an email. I was cautious enough not to be mean or angry in my email because I didnt know what happened and I even feared the worst that something bad happened to him. So i basically told him I am concerned, I missed him and no matter whats going on to please send me an email and let me know he is okay. I sent about 3 emails over 3 weeks begging for a response. I cried and cried with confusion not knowing what was going on.

Finally after a month I got the email. My marine wrote a very unusal three paragraph email. He explained to me that he was sorry. How much his intentions was not to hurt me. He said he meant everything he ever said to me. He said that he cant talk to me on the phone right now and that he has ran into some "problems" and that he knows what he needs to do to correct them. He said something about not being able to adjust to life outside the Military and he wants to be able to come home to me and be a good man to me.. I know what everyones thinking. That email should of been a clear indicator of what was going on. But no, not to me. I was still clueless. As I stated many times. I didnt know much about the military nor did I have any relatives who ever went to combat. So none of his behavior was sounding normal to me. Being the nieve "civilian" girlfriend back home. The only thing I could think of is "he doesnt want me anymore, or he's met someone else and plans on staying up there in NC". I sent him another email asking him bluntly if there was someone else. He was offended that I would even think that. He re-assured me over and over.. There is no other woman. Then weeks went by and still no call. His 26th Birthday came and I emailed him Happy Birthday and he responded back By saying thank you and whats your ph# again?

I'm like okay, you have memory problems dude? You called my number almost every day for two months in Kuwait and you cant rememner my number? I sent it to him via email and that very same day I received a call. Two months after he was suppose to be home! Slowly but surley now that he was no longer in the military things started to reveal itself. Over the phone I noticed a change. He wasnt as sweet and charming and I asked him whats wrong. He just expressed that he just felt unhappy and he feels like an alien being out of the Military. I asked him why hasnt he come home to Florida. If he is unappy, why not come back to where your family and friends are? He said he wasnt ready and there were some important things he had to take care of .. He said because of the way he felt he went to counseling and he didnt want to leave until it was complete. He said he didnt want to come home to me and I think he was weird and scare me away..

AT this point I still had no idea what he was talking about and I just interpret all of what he is telling me as him being depressed. I thought he was concerned about coming home living with family and friends and having to search for a job with the economy in such bad shape. He has OCD and he is such a perfectionist. I felt that if his life goes off track that he'd just feel depressed. I assured him that I am now in a better financial shape and as his woman I would be there for him until he gets things going. Afterall he was there for me when I needed him. But I was so off. So August 1st 2011 finally comes around and the moment I finally been waiting for had arrive. My Marine had packed up all his belonings and moved back to Florida!! I heard fire works, i saw floating hearts and heard wedding bells ringing near. All good thoughts. The man of my dreams was coming home.

The first night he came. We stayed up until 5am. I think we kissed a million times, and for the first time after two years we made love for the very 1st time. It was magical, it felt right, i cried and he told me he loved and he was all mine and he promise to never get a job where he would have to leave me ever again. Sounds perfect right? not really. Well the 1st Month of him being home seemed pretty normal for the most part. He was the same sweet charming gentleman thought I thought he would be. We spent alot of time together. My daughter loved him he's very good with kids. He cooks, he cleans (neat freak). I spent time with his family at bbq's. We were having a great time. I saw somethings i chose to ignore initally. I noticed that he would always take alot of pills. I asked him what they were for and he'd just say his headaches, or to sleep or his back pains. It was like he had a pill for everything to function through out the day. He was a little paranoid. He'd always asked me randomly when he came to visit my house, do I have a gun and to put my hands up? At first I thought he was just messing around playing with me. But then I noticed the blank stare in his eyes,. It scared me. I never seen that look on him before. But then it only would last a second and he would laugh it off. We spent many nights sleeping next to each other. He sleeps like a baby. He even snores. I only have a problem with him waking up extremly early in the morning before everyone else. Then slowly he started drifting away from me. He wasnt coming over has much. He claimed to be very busy looking for a job and I was a distraction.

I gave him space and figured we'd catch up on the weekends. Then I noticed the entire day would go by and I didnt hear from him and sometimes he wouldnt answer my calls or reply to my text. This went on for a week. Then I got angry again and asked him. Now whats his excuse? I attacked him verbally by saying things like youhave ADD when it comes to love. You pull me close just to push me away! What is going on. I told him he says he loves me but latley it doesnt feel like it. I also pointed out I notice that everytime he is with me he is drinking alot and taking alot of pills. I accuse him of being an addict and he needs to go to rehab. He laughed at me and said he is not a drug addict. The pills are all prescription and he has always been a drinker. The funny thing is you will never know when he is drinking. He is a functioning alcoholic. He drinks night and day. He eats healthy though lol. And he is always in the gym. On the outside he looks extremly healthy. He can fool anyone.

He kept saying that we need to talk. I told him how can we talk when he is never sober? So one day after dinner we came back to my place and he did exactly what I ask. He was completly sober. When he is sober he seemed really uncomfortably. He wasnt really close to me and kissing me as much. Infact when I went to give him a hug it was almost like he was in pain. He was really quiet and withdrawn. Unlike him who is extremly talkative, atleast when he is under the influence of something.

When I felt the coldness from him, I saw the hypervigellence. I sense that something was reall wrong but I didnt know what it was. When he noticed I was getting a little worried. He took a pill (not sure what it was and he came back down to being loving sweet boyfriend again.

My marine loves being physically intimate. But after awhile I noticed whenever we were in the middle of having sex. Almsot everytime he would stop and say we shouldnt be doing this and that he feels guilty.. I didnt understand. He claims that we should be married first and he wants me to be the mother of his kids. Well, It was kind of late to make that call. But I went with it. Yet still whenever he is around me he cant keep his hands off of me. He says he doesnt want to see me sometimes because he is extremely attracted to me and that he trys to avoid having sex with me. He says that our sex life is amazing and I co-sign that but wanted to make sure if he marrys me its because he truly loves me and he is not just in love with the way i look??? Okay he was throwing me in circles now. Finally he came clean and said that he has been back in counseling. He told me that he wants us to be just friends.

That came as such an utter shock. After all this time, after all he told me he wanted to be my friend?? He told me that I deserve better than him and that since he been home he doesn feel the way he should about me. He told me he knows he has strong feelings for me but cant feel them.. He couldnt explain it to me. He said he dont want to hurt me unintentionally. He said when he doesnt call me it has nothing to do with me. He is just use to being away on all those deployments. Basically he was breaking up with me. I was soo torn. I felt my heart being ripped out of my chest.

I creid to my bestfriends and she mentioned to me that he might have PTSD. I had an idea of what that was. I was under the impression that it only consist of men who went to war and they come back have a few nightmares here and there and that they are a little paranoid at times. Boy was I off! Once she brought this to my attention. I'm reading the signs and symptoms. : Feelings of guilt, depression, withdrawn from the world, nightmares, excessive drinking, trouble maintaing relationships because they are confused about their emotions. They have a hard time controlling emotions, anger issues, hypervigalence. Wow, I felt a little sense of ease knowing that it wasnt anything I did wrong but my Marine was suffering from PTSD. Sadly after researching i realized he has had this since I met him in 2009 after he returned from Iraq. This explained his disappearing acts whenever we got really close. Only this deployment to Afganastan made it worst. However, I give him soo much credit. He confessed that he realized he had it right away when he got out the Military and thats why he stayed away for two months in NC. He wanted to get better before he saw me.
Since I learned whats going on with My Marine. Its been easier for both of us to deal with. He is in counseling two to three times a week and enjoys going. He is still confused about his feelings. Today he loves me then tomorrow he thinks we should not be together. He still a romantic sweetheart.He never disrespect me and I've never seen him angry or lose his temper. He says that he is not that bad and will never make me see that side of him. He tells me stories about his life before the military. My Marine has always been a bad ass but a sucker for love. Not even PTSD could take away the basis of what he initally was like before PTSD. Sure he is probably not the same, But this is the only way I know him to be. He speaks freely of what happened during combat. He is still very macho and would never admit to regret taking the enemies lives. Any of them. Young or grown. But he was a squad leader. He expresses alot of guilt for many of his marines who didnt make it back. I never judge him. I just sit there and listen. I always remind him how proud I am of him and how much he means to me. When he does have his days. Without warning he does go away. It use to bother me but now I understand. I feel like I am lucky. I know many other spouses and girlfriends don't have it as well as I do. I thank God for that. What helped my marine cope and is still coping is that he acknowledged there was a problem right away. He was prepared. Prior to him deploying he witnessed what this disease had done to his fellow Marines. He knew it was a possibility it could happen to him. I love him because he is a fighter on and off the field! He refuse to let this PTSD win. Its a giant but he's not backing down. My understanding and support, and me not judging him somehow helps I think. All I know is when Things are good with him and I they are GREAT! When things are bad they are the pits. But when he goes through his moods. I focus on all the good he's done and it outweighs the bad. I truly feel in my heart that this PTSD wont last for years down the road. His personality is originally from that of a protector, a lover and and a well put together man. He had great parents who raised him that way. Even with PTSD it hasnt left him. Yes, he losses his temper. When he does he locks him self in a room and punch the wall. He stays active by swimming almost everyday, he runs 7 miles 4 times a week. I'm telling you my marine is physically hot!! I make sure in addition to all those meds that just numbs him I get him some brain vitamins like b12 and ginko golba ( something like that).
I think it is possible to have a healthy relationship with someone with combat PTSD. It just depends on the severity of the disease and the things the sufferer is doing to cope and accept it.
We do have a happy relationship for the most part. He occasionally wakes me up with rose petals at my feet and makes me breakfeast. He concerns himself with anything that upsets me. He never likes to see me upset or to shed a tear. Its almost like he melts down and he is ready to do anything to fix the problem. God I love him. He spoils me with gifts and tells me just give him time to get better. When he propose he wants to be the right man for me and he doesnt want this PTSD to ruin our relationship.

I think PTSD affects people differntly depending on their personality. He doesnt have nightmares, he does have the flashbacks, not mentally but he hears bombs going off sometimes when ever he hears loud noises. He does hate going in crowds but he tends to attempt to do it anyway to force himself to adjust but i can see he is uncomfortable. He always seem to think there are snipers in the room. I playfully say to him. " Babe, there are no snipers here. This is southbeach, People arent that sharpe here to do that, their all drunk and naked!" lol. I dont know if my humor helps or annoys him. He did tell me I'm "special" He tells me that I he is that wild animal at the zoo that only the owner/ trainer can control or calm him. wow, it sounded awkward but I''m sure he meant it as a compliment,
I may be still nieve. But I think it is very possible with time he will get pass this. Whenever he doesnt call me for a day or two. I leave him alone. But not for more than two days. I send him a text saying " hey you, are you good?" And he will always respond and say yes he is okay even when I know he's not. But whenever he IS okay he comes right back and he's that sweet guy again. Til this day he stills says were just friends. But he treats me like his wife! SO I let him say what he wants. I pay it no mind. I understand that he is confused about what he feels. He may not know where his heart is but I do! Its right here with me and its not going anywhere.

He said he loves me and no one else understands him but me. I am the only person he feels safe with and trust. Thats says alot. There is hope for love with PTSD. It just takes an effort on both parts. The person suffering must want to get better, stay in counseling and the partner must be patient and understanding.


Hi Prettysmile and welcome to the Forum,

What a wonderful story! I have Complex PTSD and my husband (who is x military/RAF but never saw combat) has OCD. We have been married for 23 years and have 2 grown up son's. Relationships like this can and often do work but it takes hard work and a ton of understanding and patience from the supporter.

There is a special section on the Forum for Supporters as well as a sister forum for Combat PTSD. Thank you for telling your story in such a beautiful way and for standing by your man! Please thank him for all he has done for his country.

Cathy (UK)



Pretty, I love your story - he is SUCH A MARINE! ♥ Showing up in the parking lot acting all cool. Haha.

I am so sorry you had PTSD sort of sprung on you like this, but at least now you know, and you can help him manage his stress a little. I am rooting for you guys - he sounds like he is trying really hard to be a good guy for you.


Thank your CraftyCath! Yes PTSD sure sprung on me! I was so clue less! Now I know so much I can teach a whole course in college about PTSD. lol He is quite an awesome Marine! And yes I will Thank him again! Wow 23yrs huh? Thats beautiful. I hope to get there with him some day :). We both come from parents who were married over 30 yrs. We hope we will follow in their foot steps.

Some women have Men with No PTSD and have way more bigger problems and is miserable with them because they are jerks to them. My Man has PTSD and he is an awesome guy. Not everything in life comes easy. Sometimes you gotta take the good with the bad. Thanks for reading!


Pretty, I love your story - he is SUCH A MARINE! ♥ Showing up in the parking lot acting all cool. Haha.

I am so sorry you had PTSD sort of sprung on you like this, but at least now you know, and you can help him manage his stress a little. I am rooting for you guys - he sounds like he is trying really hard to be a good guy for you.

wife of

Just a wee note...the distancing before deployment....its very comman in hubbies mob it was actively "taught" as part of some stupic archaic lesson as it is supposed to make them more focussed on the job and ....apparently......make it a little easier on those left behind if your not too close before they go away....

I think it came from the same book of bull that they used to quote when they used to arrange a wives lunch a few weeks before deployment and remind us all to keep a stiff upper lip and wave them off with a smile and only ever tell them something was wrong at home if someone was at risk of imminant death etc...


I figured he was trained that way. He admitts that the Military did a lot of brain washing to him and didnt realize it until now.

<Prettysmile, it is not necessary to quote the post directly above your reply. Amethist>
Not open for further replies.