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Sufferer My nightmares. please help

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Jessica Tie

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Hi my name is Jessica. Around the time when I was 8 or 9 my dad was disgnosed with cancer. I was to young to understand but I never that that I would have lost my father. A couple years later when I'm 11 just had surgery on both my feet. A couple weeks later my dad was in the hospital because he was to sick to stay home but he was with my step mom. He died. But on the night he dies I saw him in a dream that night. I woke up so scared and confused and told myself it was just a dream. so texted my step mom and she told me that it was true. I was so sad and scared but I couldn't cry and I didn't know why. I guess I was all cried out from the "dream". When it was time for his funeral I cried my eyes out because I loved my dad so much and my dad loved me so much and we had so many great memories. I was scared to lose those. Now that I'm a little older I became so depressed and I get there terrible nightmares of my dad dying and of him hating me. It stresses me out soooo much and I can't stop myself from these nightmares. I loved my dad from the moon and back ( that is what he would say to me ) and I'm so scared that he hates me now because my mom tells me that he would because i died my hair to dark brown and not keeping blonde because she tells me that I was his favorite because I was his only kid that looked like him with blonde hair and blue eyes. Im scared that he's punishing me with making me watch him re dying over and over again. someone Please help me with whats happening!
 
I'm sorry you lost your father. Your father is not causing the nightmares to punish you for dying your hair. I'm guessing you are still a minor and living with your mother now? Have you asked her about talking with a counselor?
 
Hello :)

I'd like to start by saying that you're definitely in a state of grief that hasn't fully processed yet. It's certainly traumatic to lose a loved one this way -- although whether or not you have PTSD might surround different events dealing with your stepmom? She's not sounding so kind so far, but I'm only seeing a little snippet. Obviously I'm not a professional though, and don't want to assume anything about you. I just wanted to say this just in case you needed to hear it.

Did your dad love you as a little child? It seems like he did -- guessing by you saying how much you miss him and how much you love him. It doesn't seem completely conflicting. So, why do you think he cares what you look like? Do you think a spirit without a body would care about what your body looks like, while being completely aware that bodies don't matter later?

Your nightmares are not punishment. They are reliving something that your brain is trying to make sense of and process.

I highly suggest talking to a therapist about this. EMDR focused on this event that is haunting you may help catalyse your ability to process what happened.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Your father is not punishing you.
 
First, I want to emphasize that you should seek a therapist. Long-term therapy will guide you on your path to healing.

Second, I just wanted to share something with you. I too lost my father at a young age. I also learned about it in an off-hand way, a manner in which the pain of the news was not validated. I was left alone to grieve, and I was too young to understand how to process it. It took me more than a decade to confront this unprocessed grief. Please, don't go through the same road I went through- seek out a therapist, and learn to mourn, grieve, and heal.
 
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