• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Relationship My partner has CPTSD and I struggle with handling it well

Status
Not open for further replies.

keynewt

New Here
HI all, I am so glad I found this site. I have been looking for a way to get to talk to people about my relationship.

My girlfriend and I are in our 40's. We both ride bikes and ended up spending a lot of time together last summer at bike events. She invited me to go out and we have been dating for 9 months. We also share a fact that we both have recently (me 2 years her 3 years) divorced. She had a rough childhood and a traumatic experience in an extended relationship with her now ex husband. He is the main reason for her CPTSD. I left my wife because of her adultery. I really am happy with my girlfriend. I adore her and she acts like sunshine and I am the sunflower that soaks it all in.
I give her space. I try not to ask touchy questions or lead into arguments. I learned enough from her and by searching online as to what CPTSD means and means for her. I recognize that I have to believe her and trust her when she does not contact me for 4-5 days that it's PTSD not some other relationship. She really spends a lot of time alone. It hurts me to wonder where she is or what she is doing but I know her. I know her neighbors, her mom, dad, brothers, and sister. I know it's the PTSD that makes her turn away. It's self protection. She needs to be in control of her own life.
---here comes the part where you can help me.--- I have learned just enough about PTSD and CPTSD to scare me. She could want to have her space. She could decide it would be better for her she didn't see me. I'm terrified that she would just up and decide to leave me because, yeah. I've fallen real hard for her and I cannot get over what a smart, interesting, strong person she is. But of course she will not take compliments from me because...PTSD. She has problems expressing and accepting emotions. If I start to get too close she pushes me away and claims I'm getting "too mushy". I really don't want to push things. I believe I'm a stable, regular person who is smart enough to allow for things I can't/don't understand. I just am super happy I found this person and I don't want to mess it up. But I always have it in the back of my head that I'm on borrowed time. That one day she is going to drop the hammer on me and say bye. I want to be with her but I don't want that to overcome her and push her away.
 
Wish I could help you figure that out but I don’t have a crystal ball. As a sufferer of PTSD I will tell you there are some things I will never tell anyone. Most I can tell you is it has to be on her terms concerning any trauma. It’s up to you if you can handle not knowing that information until she is ready. Speaking personally I don’t want anyone trying to “fix” me as it will ultimately just be an aggravation.
 
That’s the thing about relationships... anybody can leave you at any time for any reason, they don’t have to have PTSD. You make yourself vulnerable when you fall in love and choose to trust somebody with your heart. It can be the greatest thing in the world or it can hurt like hell.

Why miss out on something great just because it may hurt?
 
In my experience sweatpea76 gives sensible and empathetic advice. I was willing to hang in there until I was not given that choice. If she means so much to you then I would see it through. I wish i was given the opportunity to sit down and talk about (perceived) issues. Agree with sweetpea.
 
Is she in therapy to deal with her traumas?

If she is then there is a better chance that she will gradually, over a long period of time become more open to you. If not, well, who knows.

I wish you and your girlfriend all the best.

Life is hard. It's better when we can love and support one another. Sometimes people with PTSD can't do that. Sometimes people without PTSD can't do that.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top