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My PTSD Seems Whiney - Neglect and Childhood Abuse

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by moki, Apr 2, 2007.

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  1. moki

    moki Guest

    Hi, I am a 46 yr old wife and mother of 2 great teenagers. my husband is a great guy and never hurts me or anything like that. things have slowly gone downhill for the past few years, then I changed jobs (from a bad one to a horrible one) and sort of flipped out. really weird for me, i'm usually level headed although get pissed off easily but keep it in. All fall, i was super angry at him and was horrified at the depth of my anger - i hadn't felt that way since teenager years. it's taken me from last september til end of january to finally get mood stabilized with lamictal (ssri's never worked very long in past depressions). Now in marriage counseling and just feel absolutely NOTHING for my husband. well, except anger. I feel stupid writing this because the stuff that happened to me in early childhood and teenage years were just a lot of neglect, humiliation, stuff like that. therapist is quite sure this is ptsd. reading all of these other accounts makes me sort of embarrassed to write this, but i'm scared out of my mind that i'm ruining my family.
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  3. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Hi Moki, welcome to the forum. When you say your therapist believes you have PTSD, that is not necessarily accurate, however; what are you talking about in regards to neglect, humiliation and stuff like that? If you are talking about the normal aspects of growing up, the normal things that happen to most children, then I will say your therapist is incorrect, as to be diagnosed with PTSD you must have suffered "abnormal trauma", not normal life traumatic events that occur within most peoples lives.

    Now if this neglect and humiliation came in a different form, not so much normal kids teasing and so forth, then that is why your therapist could think you may have PTSD. PTSD is a lot more than just anger, much much more.

    The more you can explain, the better really. You may also want to use the [DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/forms/ptsd-diagnosis/"]PTSD diagnosis[/DLMURL] to help you understand whether you may, or may not, actually have PTSD apart from what just your therapist says.
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2015
  4. willing

    willing Active Member

    Welcome Moki,
    Anthony's diagnosis page is helpful. Just hang around a while and you'll know. That is what happened for me. "Stuff like that" that you mention is probably a big deal. Also go to Wikipedia and look up stuff too. Education settles me down because I have a project.
    Welcome again,
  5. moki

    moki Guest

    have read the ptsd diagnosis page

    hi again. yes, i've read the literature you have posted and also the article about long term neglect/abuse esp during early childhood and teenage years. most of the neglect and abuse came from my stepfather, telling my mother when they got married (I was 7) that i was getting too much attention, so convinced my mother to pay more attention to sister; constant sarcastic criticism; making fun of my body during puberty, getting drunk and almost choking on his vomit when we were very little - had to call 911 - everybody screaming, little girls in nightgowns screaming in the hallway; hurting my mother in the bedroom behind closed doors when we were little; constant walking on eggshells trying to not make him mad - until I left home at age 23; trying over and over again to connect with him, but always failing. total emotional absence. my biological father was gone, in and out of mental institutions. stepfather used money to control us as teenagers, paid us to kiss him on the cheek when he was drunk.

    So, they are all things that by themselves seem to be not as big a deal as what everyone else is talking about. My symptoms match the complex ptsd ones almost exactly, which is why I keep coming back to it.
  6. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member


    Welcome to the forum.
  7. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    hey, moki, welcome to the forum
  8. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    So mental illness runs in the family then? If so, then this does cause a pre-disposition towards yourself for any type of it.

    Regardless of an innocent kiss, if this was seen as abuse, it is of a sexual / intimate nature, and longevity with the pre-disposition could do it for your brain, yes.

    Whilst what you explain individually I would agree is not sustainable to meet the diagnostic criteria of PTSD, the longevity of what your explaining and your possible genetic pre-disposition with mental illness could mean you do have PTSD, it could merely mean you have lesser symptoms only and can still be cured... then again, maybe not.

    I would be seeking a very good shrink for a further look into what is really wrong, someone who is not just looking to label you, but actually really dig for what the real problem may be, then look at fixing it or learning to heal it.
  9. moki

    moki Guest

    Thanks for your reply Anthony. yes, I certainly have a predisposition for all sorts of mental illness. My therapist is very good, and most importantly I trust him and he's a MAN! What a switch! He is actually our (husband and my) marriage counselor. We both like and trust him.

    My husband and I, although well-intentioned toward each other, have been pushing each other's buttons for almost 20 years. Most of those years we tried to ignore it or let it go, etc. But now, esp. with the kids growing up, things are exploding and we are trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces.

    The PTSD part for me is that I'm relating to him the same way I did with my stepfather, even though he is nothing like him. I'm also extremely anxious around him and have a hard time even looking at him or being in the same room with him. My heart races, and my whole body shakes when I've had too much exposure to him. There are also abandonment issues that have arisen over the years that relate to very early childhood abandonment issues that probably are what causes my extreme anger. So much abandonment, and the one that you choose, that is your life partner, is not supposed to do that to you.

    His smaller actions are causing huge disproportionate reactions in me. That's why I think the PTSD fits. Our dysfunctional relationship is bringing up all the bad stuff that I thought I'd taken care of long ago.
  10. PTSDd_Off

    PTSDd_Off Member

    Hi Moki - you say this all began to materialise against your husband a few years ago? Can you cast your memory back and identify any possible triggers that associate (in your mind) your husband with your Father & Step Father. This could be actions/words towards you, your two teenagers or the fact that he's just performing the Father role that was so critically important and lacking in your teenage years.
  11. moki

    moki Guest

    Yes, PTSD'd off, I do know I resent all of the attention he's giving my daughter (who is 15, same age I was when things were bad). Also, he's sort of over-capable and somewhat hyperactive, so I have many, many feelings of inadequacy with him - which were also present during growing up with the stepfather. Lots of parallels, along with his own baggage, which is plenty.

    He is horribly hurt that I am reacting this way, but so far I have found very few ways to cope living together in this little house. But the kids are so important to both of us, that neither one of us are willing to go anywhere.

    I think I will have to medicate with some anti-anxiety drugs for at least this critical stage. I have had thoughts of harming myself several times over the last few months, so think this toughing it out part will have to stop for now so I can accomplish some healing.

    Thanks for your post. It's very gratifying to have anyone respond to my posts. I feel very alone, like so many in this forum and find my situation just too weird and hard to explain to most other people. Even my husband can't really listen to it all through the pain he is experiencing and I don't have any other friends. I have managed to drive everyone away over the years. My husband just happened to be the last on the list. I hope I can turn things around. Thank you for listening.
  12. moki

    moki Guest

    hi cookie. my daughter has a friend who told her she was so cute her face looked like a cookie. so there you go.
  13. PTSDd_Off

    PTSDd_Off Member

    That's what we're here for. Can I ask you a couple more things?

    - How do you think your life without your husband would be?
    - How do you think the lives of your husband and your children would be if you "ended it all"?

    They're hard and confronting questions I know but they do form an alternative reality which your brain is trying to trick you into thinking is better than it is now.
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