My Rules

[sonicwhite]

Ok, as a Christian I will not get into preaching but one little detail. I have been trying to put God on the throne of my heart. I'm drifting away from that. I'm starting to covet what I can't have. My evil desires on what a woman should look like are over powering me. I will not make what I think a woman should look like an idol anymore. The veil has been lifted over my eyes but again like all the temptations I've dealt with in eleven years I keep making women a top priority.


So I'm struggling with my flesh. Yes I know I'm human but I should get this under control quick. I can't believe for over ten years I did this to myself and women. I feel I cheated myself out of many years of peace of mind because I put a woman on the throne instead of Jesus. Is there any Christians out here struggling with the same fleshly desires? To put a woman or man in front of God and not allowing Him to work thru you because of this plank in our eyes?

 

[sonicwhite]

Anyone. I hope I'm not treading on anyone.

 

[joeylittle]

I will not make what I think a woman should look like an idol anymore. The veil has been lifted over my eyes but again like all the temptations I've dealt with in eleven years I keep making women a top priority.

Sonic, sometimes I worry that your harsh self-judgement gets in the way of your healing. If you put together unattainable goals for yourself, how will you ever achieve them?

I can't talk scripture with you - but I can say that this:

I feel I cheated myself out of many years of peace of mind because I put a woman on the throne instead of Jesus.

Totally ignores that fact that you've also been suffering from mental illness. A big part of your peace of mind has been disturbed by that, and it's nothing to do with women.

One thing at a time, slowly - that's the only way.

 

[sonicwhite]

Thank you @joeylittle because I needed to put into perspective, I am harsh on myself. But the bible teaches us to control our minds and body so actually while the Word of God may make a man Holy it may also hut me since I'm healing from a bad bad break up and mental illness. Oh dreams please give me a break. I'm tired of seeing the same thing over and over.

 

[sonicwhite]

Thank God for Prozac. Man being depressed for four and half years. We lowered the risperdal from four to two. I was getting suicidle but when the Prozac kicked in I felt great. I notice if I take a sonata to sleep it will make me drowsy and depressed the next day and so I'm trying to just take Remeron and seroquel to help me sleep. Yes they put me into a sleep where I feel like I'm in a coma and can't wake up until morning.




The dreams are sometimes good. But mainly anxiety provoking. I know in my heart I've dealt with some kind of drama and trauma my whole life. To my dads verbal and physical abuse. To be sexually raped while living with someone and in jail. To having a psychosis where I thought it was the end times which it is but I thought Christ had come back and the jail was a human slaughter house for humans that where left behind.


I have end time dreams. If my dreams are visions then we're all screwed. But I have to remember that I didn't get a advocate to help me talk. I was afraid to talk. I didn't even know how to use the phone. So two months went by with this theme that cannibals where controlling the jail. That I was in Asia. And I was losing my ex, the most important thing to me.



Only I can understand the pain I go thru and still am, just like everyone here who has had trauma. Sometimes the docs don't even think of PTSD but go thru what I did and see if you come out and shinning as gold and silver. To God be the Glory forever and ever.