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My Sister Has Stage Iv Cancer

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mamachick

MyPTSD Pro
I know that my situation is odd, but most of the people that I have loved and lost has been sudden and unexpected. My oldest sister died when I was 15 and she was 28 of unknown cause, which I now think was overdose. My grandaughter died of SIDS. My nephew was shot by his nurses drug addicted cousin-he was a quadropalegic. My mother did die of lung disease at age 80 after 2 yrs in a nursing home.

I have never felt so helpless before. My sister lives 8 hrs away by car, and my health has been poor. She has been having stomach pain for about a year and 2 wks ago they discovered pancreatic cancer that has metastisized to liver and both lungs. Prognosis is less than 6 months. By her health as it is, I am expecting 2-3 months. I am so uneasy about not being able to do something to fix things and about being so far away. I am powerless, so I pray for God to look over her and not let her suffer too much.

I talk to her on the phone almost every day. She is in a rehab center for the next few days. I have moments of tears and anxiety. My sis has always been negative and difficult much of the time, actually somewhat toxic at times, but I have many memories of a better times when she was younger and found more humor in life, and I love her. I always have thought that I would go before any of my sisters, even though I am the youngest.

I feel ashamed to be feeling such sadness - this is about her life, it is not about me. I have taken others death so hard the past few years, those I was not real close to (my friends husband who was only 44, and my ex of 30 yrs). Both passed away in the past year and a half and I think my reaction was more than expected. I cried for a year when my dog died. It seems to me like death is much more difficult with ptsd. Dealing with everyday stuff is so much more difficult, so its no surprise how difficult things such as this is.
 
I'm sorry. I've lost two of my best friends to cancer. The last one was about a year and a half ago. Donna and I talked on the phone all the time. We met 30 some years ago when I was living back home. We live about a thousand miles apart and I couldn't afford to go see her, but we talked almost every day until about two weeks before she died. At the end, her husband said she was usually unconscious. I miss her so much, but I believe now she is with God and painfree and happy, like I remember her in earlier days. I hope you can find that comfort.
 
I'm just so sorry. I know that is not really helpful at all, but I do understand your myriad of emotions and you do have the right to feel them. I lost my mum to cancer a few hours from now 2 years ago. Death is unending sometimes with PTSD. All we can do is survive, thrive, and try to remember them as they were. If you like hugs I have a them in abundance to share. I will be thinking of you, and wishing you comfort.
 
Do you know what type of pancreatic? Is it a neuroendocrine or an adeoncarcinoma/exocrine tumor?
The reason why I ask is because an neuroendocrine tumor is usually very slow growing and can react favorably to a specific treatment. MD Anderson has a doc that developed this treatment. His name is Dr Yao.
I hate cancer. Bastard disease should be eradicated as much money as we spend in other countries providing money to criminal governments. I really hope you can find some peace for yourself. That is tough. Loosing someone is never easy. Be kind to yourself in the grieving process.
 
Thank you all for your wisdom.
Hodge-I am sorry for your loss, and I do understand the distance. I am in a similar situation. I will be going to see her. She will be creameated and wants no service/ She is in a rehab center til Sunday because they had no other place to send her and she cannot be home alone because she is already too weak. Sunday she is going about 3 hours further to live with another sister until Hospice. I think it will be too much for the other sister, she is 67 with severe COPD and other health issues and taking care of other family members. My sister has been on a waiting list for a year in my city for an apartment, it was available the day of her formal diagnosis.

She is 7 yrs older than me so was very jelous as a kid and we fought.I lived with her for a year when I was about `16. We were always best buds and laughing at silly stuff by the time I was a teen,the older we got, she would be attacking. I have always overlooked (eventually) as I know what a hard life she has had. Sometimes a life time of memories are flashing before me. When I was about 6 and a Brownie, she was mad at out mother and cut my brownie dress up. On an opposite note, when our depressed mother slept, she packed me a lunch and got me to a Girl Scout outing when nobody else would.She has become less happy over the years until she is miserable. Then her husband died in 2010, and he did everything for her, so she moved in with me.She has gotten worse since, but always tied to my heart strings. She goes into rages and I could not take it so she moved back into her house. I use to be able to accept her without condition until ptsd in 2008. Now I cant be around someone screaming or raging. She has little childhood memories and I suspect ptsd. I dont think we love one sibling more, but the other two are twins, so her and I have been closer as we are both left out of the twin connection.

wildmermaid-your thoughts do mean a lot. It is true that we do not know the right words when someone is suffering,for me, its not the right words, all acknowledgement is the right words. We all loose someone we love as death is inevitable. I am sorry for your loss of your mother to cancer as well, and thank you for the hugs-they are welcomed. I hope that you have happy memories of her. My mom and I were not too close due to her depression, there was not much laughter from her or celebration of life in any respect.

Fadaway, I know that you are right, I just dont feel entiled, it is she that is loosing her life, what right do I have, but I understand there would be something wrong with me if I were not in pain. So the past couple of weeks I have done physical labor beyond my abilities causing much pain, and also indulged in my addiction way too much

Rumors I do not know what kind it is, just that the oncologist said that with treatment she might live a couple more months, that her is very aggressive, and she does not want to do that. I visited her in Sept and she was bad, but when taken to ER 3 wks ago, too weak to walk. She would not survive chemo. Ironically, we have been sharing same symptoms for past year, though hers much worse. We have undergone same tests, such an endoscopy and others. My gastro dr said I have GERD, esophagitis, hiatal hernia, diverticuli, slow emptying, but he said nothing explains my nausea and vomitting and weitght loss from 128 to 107 in a year. So I am getting nudged to be tested I will plan on visiting in next couple weeks. But when she gets bad, I want to be there when she goes. I just feel like I belong there with her as she leave this world.

Thank you all!
 
This is not a ptsd issue, it is just that I find it so hard to share my feeling with those in my life. I guess I am very sensative and ptsd causes me to isolate alot. I have such trouble reaching out. I dont think I know how to grieve. I wonder if I have ever grieved my way through a situation.

I talked to my sister tonight. She was moved into our other sisters home and hospice is coming in and providing many services, I am so grateful that my other sister is able to do this right now. My sister with cancer sounds like she is declining fast. The meds are keeping her from much pain, but I cant tell if it is the meds or she is going quickly. She is very slow and forgetful in speaking. She wants to talk to me but hangs on the phone quite blank. I asked her what she had for dinner and after I hear her struggling with great thought, she cant remember and is confused. She is on a lot of oxy and some xanax. I mentioned taking a bath and she said….oh….ya….you took a bath. Then I remembered how much she liked her bath. I asked if she had one at the rehab and she said she didnt. It got her thinking she might do that. Then silence. Its a strain for me as to what to say. Out of the blue, she asked if she should get her hair cut. She is just very confused. The only did CT's below neck, but I wonder if she does not have a brain mass too, or if its just the meds. I told her that I would come there probably next week and she said she wanted to do something fun with me. I think she remembers that we were the 2 of the 4 of us that were always seeking fun-at least when we were younger. The other 2 sisters more into being responsible for their grown children.

I just cant hold back the tears any longer. Crap, I cried when my other sister had a hyserectomy and was in pain when I was in my 20's. There is a child like quality now. She is so confused, except for she understands she has terminal cancer.

While its not a ptsd issue, the ptsd interferes with my reactions. I will be driving 10 hours alone. Im afraid I will have panic attacks. Im afraid I wont be able to sleep there. Im afraid I will loose it when I see her wasting away. Yet my mind is set to go see her now, and again at the end. I want to hold her hand while she goes. I want to be part of this journey, and to let her know the things I think, like her husband who died 4 yrs ago is missing her.

Im not scared to die, but I dont want others that I love to die. I feel like I am right behind her, at least I hope so, and that is my ptsd.
I just want to comfort her, yet she knows and seems ok about it. It must be the medication. All the mean things she has done cross my mind, and mean nothing, because I have always known it was a defense and in her heart she is a hurt and gentle soul.
 
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