I know that my situation is odd, but most of the people that I have loved and lost has been sudden and unexpected. My oldest sister died when I was 15 and she was 28 of unknown cause, which I now think was overdose. My grandaughter died of SIDS. My nephew was shot by his nurses drug addicted cousin-he was a quadropalegic. My mother did die of lung disease at age 80 after 2 yrs in a nursing home.
I have never felt so helpless before. My sister lives 8 hrs away by car, and my health has been poor. She has been having stomach pain for about a year and 2 wks ago they discovered pancreatic cancer that has metastisized to liver and both lungs. Prognosis is less than 6 months. By her health as it is, I am expecting 2-3 months. I am so uneasy about not being able to do something to fix things and about being so far away. I am powerless, so I pray for God to look over her and not let her suffer too much.
I talk to her on the phone almost every day. She is in a rehab center for the next few days. I have moments of tears and anxiety. My sis has always been negative and difficult much of the time, actually somewhat toxic at times, but I have many memories of a better times when she was younger and found more humor in life, and I love her. I always have thought that I would go before any of my sisters, even though I am the youngest.
I feel ashamed to be feeling such sadness - this is about her life, it is not about me. I have taken others death so hard the past few years, those I was not real close to (my friends husband who was only 44, and my ex of 30 yrs). Both passed away in the past year and a half and I think my reaction was more than expected. I cried for a year when my dog died. It seems to me like death is much more difficult with ptsd. Dealing with everyday stuff is so much more difficult, so its no surprise how difficult things such as this is.
I have never felt so helpless before. My sister lives 8 hrs away by car, and my health has been poor. She has been having stomach pain for about a year and 2 wks ago they discovered pancreatic cancer that has metastisized to liver and both lungs. Prognosis is less than 6 months. By her health as it is, I am expecting 2-3 months. I am so uneasy about not being able to do something to fix things and about being so far away. I am powerless, so I pray for God to look over her and not let her suffer too much.
I talk to her on the phone almost every day. She is in a rehab center for the next few days. I have moments of tears and anxiety. My sis has always been negative and difficult much of the time, actually somewhat toxic at times, but I have many memories of a better times when she was younger and found more humor in life, and I love her. I always have thought that I would go before any of my sisters, even though I am the youngest.
I feel ashamed to be feeling such sadness - this is about her life, it is not about me. I have taken others death so hard the past few years, those I was not real close to (my friends husband who was only 44, and my ex of 30 yrs). Both passed away in the past year and a half and I think my reaction was more than expected. I cried for a year when my dog died. It seems to me like death is much more difficult with ptsd. Dealing with everyday stuff is so much more difficult, so its no surprise how difficult things such as this is.