Death My Son Passed Away

JadeB.

MyPTSD Pro
My son passed away earlier this month. I am completely lost and devastated.

It pisses me off that on top of it I am having thoughts and nightmares about my childhood traumas. I don't want to be dealing with any of that but unfortunately I am.

I don't understand why it would even trigger all of it to come flooding back. I know,the stress cup thing,but it feels so,so wrong to even be thinking about my childhood during this time.
 

JadeB.

MyPTSD Pro
Thanks everyone.

I am really struggling. And I was so upset the first night I woke up from a nightmare of being molested. I was thinking " no! I do NOT wanna deal with this right now". And kept thinking what's wrong with me,my son passed away and I'm dreaming about something so sick?

It hurts because it feels so disrespectful to my son. I am in such deep mourning yet I have things besides him swirling around in my mind.

I want and need comfort and support from others in real life but lately them touching me,hugging me,makes me cringe.
 

LittleBigFoot

Confident
Are you in therapy to help with this? It might be helpful in both working through the grief and making sense of all the past stuff coming up. Also, it is definitely not disrespectful to your son at all. Just a signal that some things need working through again.
 

Chris-duck

MyPTSD Pro
Hey,

Firstly I'm so sorry about your son, I hope you have good support around you and are able to stay safe.

Secondly, it is totally normal for your brain to start replaying old situations when you're under quite a lot of stress. That doesn't reflect how you feel about your son at all, it's just how brains can misfire sometimes.

Do you have support irl?
 

JadeB.

MyPTSD Pro
I don't think I really need to call a crisis line. I do have support IRL,actually I am blown away by the amount of people that have been reaching out and are there for me.

...But the support becomes too overwhelming and I push people away.

I do know I need to seek professional help with this,which I intend to do. Right now I am filling out paperwork to receive either free or reduced fee therapy. It won't be with my trauma T but hopefully whoever I see,if approved,will be helpful to me. I know it will be more helpful than no therapy at all.

I was really struggling when I started this thread. Right at this moment though,I think I'm ok.
 
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