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My Story - Ptsd From Military Operations

Discussion in 'Military & Emergency Services' started by ranger2_75, Jan 20, 2007.

  1. ranger2_75

    ranger2_75 Active Member

    I have been asked on several ocasions about my story and I guess it's about time for me to do this. I have attached it for any and all to read. Especialy going on hope this is to prove you aren't the only person to do some pretty horrid things during our life times.

    < added by anthony: I have inserted the contents of the document for those that do not have a word processor. >

    I went into the Army 3 days after High school. When I got my contract I made sure that it stated that as long as I passed all of the training along the way that I would wind up in a certain special operations unit. After being there a while I got a rep and was able to get promoted without going to a school that was typically required before making E-4. Because of this I started getting options for schools. I obtained the required school first. Then I went to Air Assault, from that to S.E.A.R., and finally H.A.L.O. Then because of the schools I had, I was offered a slot in a volunteer group doing clandestine ops, but couldn't be told the nature of those ops until I volunteered.

    Did I mention that I had spent most of my life trying to be the best in whatever that I was involved in, i.e. sports, school, and military? That would come bite me in the butt!

    Being 19 and STUPID, I volunteered. Well it turned out that we trained and operated in foreign uniform and with foreign weaponry. We also used a combination of conventional and guerrilla tactics. I quickly learned that before we boarded the helo's that took us to our drop zone, we had to surrender our I.D. cards and dog tags. No, that still didn't wake me up. I ALREADY SAID I WAS STUPID!! On the first mission we were required to do reconnaissance. Easy I thought, then we were told, if discovered we were on our own; the government would deny knowledge of us. NO, I still didn't learn. Where was that guy with my sign? Well things went smooth except that I ended up hiding in a bush while 4 drug cartel mercenaries walked within 3 feet of me. When we got home I stopped by the Class Six (liquor store that is part of the PX) and bought two fifths of Jack downed the first in the car on the way to the barracks and drank the other with Coke in the barracks. I was a little freaked out!

    The next one wasn't so easy. We were going in to a huge house to abduct a cartel head. Upon entering the grounds we were eliminating every target that moved, on the run. This time we had German MP5-SD's. Silenced and suppressed 9mm submachine guns. I found out quickly that it wasn't the same as paper targets. These were people with faces and they shot back. Well I ended up on one knee at a corner when someone I didn't notice snuck up behind me and put a knife in my shoulder. At the same moment one of my teammates saw what was happening and double tapped(shot) him in the head. Now I have a knife in my shoulder, blood running down my back, and blood and brain matter from this hostile all over me. This same team member got to me and removed the knife, and dressed the wound while I kept fighting in order to cover us. When he finished we moved on and completed the snatch and while getting on the Pavelo (spec ops helo) I was shot in the leg as I jumped on the bird. It dropped me on my back onto the floor of the aircraft and the flight nurse freaked when she split my pants and realized that I didn't have any underwear on. (Kind of funny if you were there.) When we got back it was on. Only this time we had to come up with a story of a training accident for my girlfriend. Totally against my nature to lie, I hated it!

    When I healed (about three weeks) we went at a third mission. This time to blow up a cocaine plantation. I eventually did, with everyone still inside. The ****in cartel had taken over a village and made the adults slaves, and forced them to work naked in the facility, so that they didn't have so many places to hide product. The teens were sent out on perimeter guard with old weapons and told to fire if they saw any one. They were mostly early warning devises. They were told that if they didn't do this, their families would be tortured, raped and killed in front of them. Most of the smaller kids were killed or left to fend for themselves. I really hate those bastards. My team came to a point where in order to do our job we had decided that the guard I was close to had to die in order not to be given away. I snuck up behind them slipped my hand across their mouth and then inserted my knife into their throat just in front of the spine and used it to leverage the knife around to the other side of the throat almost decapitating them. When you d this you must rock the head back to prevent a somewhat loud gurgle. When I did I saw that the guard was a +/- 14-year-old girl. I will never forget her big brown eyes and that shocked look of WHY on her face! She was some bodies little girl, and I took her away. It eats me up. I took leave though they wouldn't let me leave the area. I went to counseling meetings every 3 days. When I wasn't there I was drinking about a thousand dollars worth in 3 weeks.

    I requested to go to a regular Army unit. I was sent to Berlin Germany. Six months later we were sent to the Balkan Peninsula, Macedonia to be exact. We were there for six months trying to keep Bosnia from invading their neighbor Macedonia. When we returned I went to The 82nd Airborne Division Ft. Bragg N.C. seven months later we were sent to Haiti. Well almost. We were 2 minutes from jumping into Hattie when we were turned around. I decided that I wasn't getting a break and if I was going to end up fighting I wanted to do it with spec ops soldiers by my side. (they are a bit better trained) Yep, I went back to my original unit.

    Didn't do any more special stuff but a year latter we did a show jump for a bunch of congress people and high brass and dignitaries from other countries. When we jumped it was over the jump schools (Ft Benning Ga.) drop zone. That is a big factor in my survival, that jump zone is 3 feet deep plowed sand. The battalion X.O (2nd in command) jumped ahead of me and on the way down he wasn't watching other jumpers and cut in under me. With a round chute this loss of air causes the higher one to collapse. I fell +/- 70 feet. He never checked on me and never sent a medic. I remember sliding off his chute, then a lot of pain! He landed on my chute and that's the last thing I remember.

    When I came too 3 days later I was back on Ft Lewis (Wa) my home base, in the hospital of course. I didn't remember being in the Army, my wife (the girlfriend I mentioned earlier), my second son (six weeks old), or how to walk. I had damaged my right ankle, both knees, 3 discs in my low back, 1 between my shoulders and 3 in my neck, my right shoulder, and I had a concussion on the front and back of my brain. There is enough cartilage damage that I lost 3/4 inch of height. I also am lucky when I get 3 days in the same month without a headache.

    Right now I'm on hydromorphone, morphine, cyclobenzaprine, & paroxetine they only take half the pain if I don't move and I still have high anxiety.

    Well there it is. That's my story, at least the majority of it.

    B.T.W. This is the short version. Down the road I may be able to plug some holes, but for right now that will have to do.

    Attached Files:

    chicken sammich likes this.
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    Very brave putting it all out there, you did great.
  4. mouse

    mouse Well-Known Member

    Ranger I am proud of you so much it mus have beentough but you did it good for you
  5. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Wow, i am very speechless right now.. you have been through a lot.. and i felt it.. no scary triggers.. no fear.. just human to human feelings.. thank you so much for sharing this... i am going to read it again.. and again.. and feel that..

  6. Josh77

    Josh77 Active Member

    Thanks for sharing your story!! That was a HUGE step!!
    Be proud of yourself!!
  7. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Well done ranger, very nice to see you really open up and help yourself.
  8. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    oh wow, ranger. i'm sure that was hard for you to put out there. i'm also sure it will help you so much.
  9. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member


    Thanks for sharing. *hugs* You're did a great job.
  10. Scott_Fraser

    Scott_Fraser Well-Known Member

    Hi Ranger, just read your story, Wow! mate thats some story. In the UK special operations are run by the SAS and SBS, tough guys and their training is even tougher, most are paras or Royal Marines, out of 200 guys who apply for the SAS & SBS, about 170 are sent back to their units as they are not good enough.
  11. ranger2_75

    ranger2_75 Active Member

    I know what you mean worked with some SAS good lot. My class staarted 347 and graduated 139. Most spec ops training works uot about the same alot try and a few make it. I found alot of it to be mind games to see if you could do what you needed when the stress was at its worse. Hope the SBS is a bit better than our S.E.A.L.s, worked with some of them and they are top notch in the water but put 'em on land and they leave a little to be desired. Still better than regular foot soldiers though.
  12. Scott_Fraser

    Scott_Fraser Well-Known Member

    Hi Ranger.
    Yes the SAS and SBS are a tough bunch, SAS & SBS are doing operations in Afghanistan and Iraq right now, they are helped by the Australian SAS and your own special forces. Have you worked with GSG9. The German Army's Special forces, tough cookies.
    Most of the SAS recruits come from our infantry regiments and the Paras, there is a new unit now that is called the Special Reconasance Regiment, made up of SAS, SBS, RAF Regiment and Paras.
    The SAS unit that is based in the UK. Works with the Intellgence Services and police to crack down on Islamic Extremists that are trying to blow us up, even more so after 9/11 and 7/7. They have been very successful at what they do. They shoot first and ask questions later.
  13. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

    That was extremely brave of you ranger2, to post as you did with your story. I have read it, word for word, twice and I will PM you sometime, hopefully in the near future, to ask you a few of your thoughts on something, regarding some awful shit I've done, and some of mine, out of my pure stupidity...

    Ranger2, I believe I can understand why you did what you did..... And, I'm so sorry that, that was the way it was... It all can be understood! That takes care of one part of it, the understanding, and then there's so much more. Sorry seems so inadequate, but I am sorry. I am also, so so glad you shared this with us and got this out, ....keep sharing with us, ranger2, please.
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