Sufferer My Story - Teacher who assaulted & sexually assaulted me being released from prison. So scared of SI & so tired.

I am kind of all over the place- apologies in advance! This is so bizarre to just- post but it’s anonymous so it’s kind of freeing. I’ll try to make this short but the story is kind of complicated.

So around the age of 14 I was a freshman in high school, I was really anxious and shy so I decided to join marching band as I did play flute through middle school and loved it.

Freshman-Sophomore year was so so fun, I loved marching band so much- what was better was that the teacher at the time (a guy in his early 30s that had a wife and small children) was so cool! He said we were a family and that we could count on each other. He even gave out his personal number to all of us to text him.

Towards the end of Sophomore year I was beginning to feel...worthless. I had some slight depressive issues before that had started in 7th grade, and I had no clue at the time that my family was eaten up with the disorder. I had also witnessed a horrific wreck that year on vacation, my mom and I were the first on the scene of a motorcycle accident. What was left of the wreck looked...almost inhuman and bloodied. So I had nightmares about that a lot.

At the time I remember this teacher of all people comforting me, urging me to go to therapy, get on meds, tell my parents- so I did! However, he also used that as an in. He texted me every single night as soon as I got off the bus at home. I was just turning 16 at this point.

Things got bad quick, self harm, attempts, utter sadness...completely destroyed. And I had no idea why. The teacher turned dark and morbid once he realized I was down. He would ask to see my self harm, purposely squeeze my injured arm if he got upset, then- things got worse.

Now mind you, this man was loved by the community, the band worshiped him, the school loved him- he could do no wrong! But he did.

The assaults happened gradually and got worse and worse. It went from being pinned to the ground as an intimidation technique, commenting on my appearance sexually, then one day he snapped- he had an office at the time that was apart from the actual band room and we happened to be alone for the most part with another student there. He had serious rage issues, I can remember playfully throwing a paper ball at him and he just jumped up from his chair, pinned me to a nearby wall, did some sexual gestures and actions then tried to bring me back to the uniform room which had NO windows- it was locked. Thank god it was locked. So he continued until he was satisfied, and whispered that he owned me....and I slowly got out of there as fast as I could.

after that the assaults like that happened more and more, it never progressed to rape- I’m lucky there I suppose. Although, I was trying to cope. I was scared but yet...dedicated to this man. Everyone else seemed to like him so maybe it was my fault? That was my belief at the time, it wasn’t him, it was me! I needed to be better.

At 16-17 I developed a severe drinking and self harms, the teacher seemed to have changed at this point as well, he was breaking things in the band room, he seemed to be losing it. And yet- the students ranging from 14-17 didn’t seem to care- we felt like he understood us and he had us convinced we couldn’t go to anyone else. So we went to him.

I drank a lot. Black out drunk, go to school the next day with alcohol poisoning symptoms- low and behold this teacher let me stay in his office and sleep it off while calling the other teachers and excusing me. I thought he was trying to help- he was just gaining trust.

finally, it was nearing 2016. It was December 2015 when he texted me the day after Christmas and said he was taking shots, so we should text and drink, he didn’t really have to push me- I was already drinking anyways. He had asked me to share my phones location prior to this, I thought it was weird but I was so manipulated at this point it didn’t matter. I was afraid of the word no, the consequences it would bring. So I shared my location.

I was bad. The worse drunk I had ever been- It turns out he had been calling to gauge how bad I was getting. And then- he threatened to rape me if I didn’t send nudes. So I did.

Mind you- his wife was pregnant at this time. Had a newborn on the way in less than a month. It didn’t stop him though.

My parents found me in a manic/ drunken state and grabbed my phone- they found who I had been texting and called the police the next day. The teacher was arrested. August of 2017- present he has been in jail. He is getting out early for “good behavior” and taking his pedo classes at the prison.

I was just told he was getting out a month from now. Last week I had gotten a letter saying this. And ever since then, I feel as if I have run out of time. I was supposed to have until July 2023 but now I have less than a month until he gets out. The guy is insane. I have no idea if he will come finish what he started or leave me alone. But I am so scared.

I have attempted suicide atleast 8 times at this point. Some resulting in the ICU for several days, seizures, stiches, charcoal. Last year was the first year I hadn’t been sent off every month- I hadn’t had one attempt either. But now? I am so scared, so tired.
 

Friday

Moderator
Welcome to the community! 😁

If you haven’t read it, yet... I cannot more highly recommend reading The PTSD STRESS CUP EXPLANATION because, yeah. Great big whopping huge giant stressor in one’s life? It not only totally follows that symptoms would be up ticking... but having the tool set to begin to manage/lower those levels? Is just effing priceless.
 
R

Randomperson27

I’m very sorry for what happened to you and almost vomited after reading your story. If I were you I’d consider taking a CCW course, because in his sick twisted mind, you ruined his entire life and that POS may want revenge. I don’t mean to frighten you and I’m not a gun advocate, but it could very well save you and your family’s life.
 
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