I can't believe I ate the whole thing...again!
I hate cooking, so when I do, I make enough to put in portion containers so I don't have to deal with cooking daily. I usually make enough to last several days. Yesterday I made lasagna. A 9x13" pan of lasagna. That ws supposed to last until the weekend, but.... it lasted for one meal. (Again)
I had been diagnosed with anorexia due to weight loss in a situation I couldn't control. I was damaged physically where my body had to recover to function properly. For weeks, my nutrition came through a tube. My brain lost the function of communicating with my stomach to tell me if I'm hungry or full.
Before the accident, I was 125-130 pounds. When I was able to start eating normal food, it was applesauce, jello, mashed potatoes and foods the stomach didn't have to work hard to digest. I was 84 pounds and it was affecting my organs due to the drastic weight loss.
When I first started eating, I had to force myself. Everything tasted like "yuck!" I told myself "food is life-EAT!!"
Fast-forward 31 years...
I'm never hungry, even if I've skipped a few days of meals. I remind myself to eat every day, I keep a meal chart on my fridge to make notes. I record what I've had each day. On a normal day, I eat 2 small meals and try to add a snack. I'm doing good to stay above 100 pounds. Since my brain and stomach don't communicate, I also don't know when I'm full...or over-full. I measure food into reasonable portions and know it's enough. This is something I thought would balance out over time, but never did, so its up to me to monitor what I eat, how much and how often...and not forget to write it down.
I have little tricks to remind myself to eat, an alarm clock that goes off at 3m, so I stop what I'm doing and eat. If I'm out for the day, I wear an annoying bracelet that I won't remove until I've eaten.
I'm not sure if its PTSD-connected or TBI-connected, but both seem to come with their own set of problems. Whichever problem it came from, its definitely an eating disorder. It will be a lifelong challenge. I'd give just about anything to be a normal eater again and stop this nonsense. I'm trying to control my body and not let it control me.
I hate cooking, so when I do, I make enough to put in portion containers so I don't have to deal with cooking daily. I usually make enough to last several days. Yesterday I made lasagna. A 9x13" pan of lasagna. That ws supposed to last until the weekend, but.... it lasted for one meal. (Again)
I had been diagnosed with anorexia due to weight loss in a situation I couldn't control. I was damaged physically where my body had to recover to function properly. For weeks, my nutrition came through a tube. My brain lost the function of communicating with my stomach to tell me if I'm hungry or full.
Before the accident, I was 125-130 pounds. When I was able to start eating normal food, it was applesauce, jello, mashed potatoes and foods the stomach didn't have to work hard to digest. I was 84 pounds and it was affecting my organs due to the drastic weight loss.
When I first started eating, I had to force myself. Everything tasted like "yuck!" I told myself "food is life-EAT!!"
Fast-forward 31 years...
I'm never hungry, even if I've skipped a few days of meals. I remind myself to eat every day, I keep a meal chart on my fridge to make notes. I record what I've had each day. On a normal day, I eat 2 small meals and try to add a snack. I'm doing good to stay above 100 pounds. Since my brain and stomach don't communicate, I also don't know when I'm full...or over-full. I measure food into reasonable portions and know it's enough. This is something I thought would balance out over time, but never did, so its up to me to monitor what I eat, how much and how often...and not forget to write it down.
I have little tricks to remind myself to eat, an alarm clock that goes off at 3m, so I stop what I'm doing and eat. If I'm out for the day, I wear an annoying bracelet that I won't remove until I've eaten.
I'm not sure if its PTSD-connected or TBI-connected, but both seem to come with their own set of problems. Whichever problem it came from, its definitely an eating disorder. It will be a lifelong challenge. I'd give just about anything to be a normal eater again and stop this nonsense. I'm trying to control my body and not let it control me.