ED My strange eating habit

Kittie

Confident
I can't believe I ate the whole thing...again!
I hate cooking, so when I do, I make enough to put in portion containers so I don't have to deal with cooking daily. I usually make enough to last several days. Yesterday I made lasagna. A 9x13" pan of lasagna. That ws supposed to last until the weekend, but.... it lasted for one meal. (Again)

I had been diagnosed with anorexia due to weight loss in a situation I couldn't control. I was damaged physically where my body had to recover to function properly. For weeks, my nutrition came through a tube. My brain lost the function of communicating with my stomach to tell me if I'm hungry or full.

Before the accident, I was 125-130 pounds. When I was able to start eating normal food, it was applesauce, jello, mashed potatoes and foods the stomach didn't have to work hard to digest. I was 84 pounds and it was affecting my organs due to the drastic weight loss.

When I first started eating, I had to force myself. Everything tasted like "yuck!" I told myself "food is life-EAT!!"

Fast-forward 31 years...
I'm never hungry, even if I've skipped a few days of meals. I remind myself to eat every day, I keep a meal chart on my fridge to make notes. I record what I've had each day. On a normal day, I eat 2 small meals and try to add a snack. I'm doing good to stay above 100 pounds. Since my brain and stomach don't communicate, I also don't know when I'm full...or over-full. I measure food into reasonable portions and know it's enough. This is something I thought would balance out over time, but never did, so its up to me to monitor what I eat, how much and how often...and not forget to write it down.

I have little tricks to remind myself to eat, an alarm clock that goes off at 3m, so I stop what I'm doing and eat. If I'm out for the day, I wear an annoying bracelet that I won't remove until I've eaten.

I'm not sure if its PTSD-connected or TBI-connected, but both seem to come with their own set of problems. Whichever problem it came from, its definitely an eating disorder. It will be a lifelong challenge. I'd give just about anything to be a normal eater again and stop this nonsense. I'm trying to control my body and not let it control me.
 

RussellSue

MyPTSD Pro
I often find myself frustrated with the problems I have with my joints and how the brain damage I have suffered from long-term cPTSD makes it hard to be as consistent as I really ought to be in order to genuinely help myself recover from injuries and manage pain. It sounds to me like you have something similar going on here. Though not having any awareness of being full or not is probably a bigger challenge because I do feel pain; I am just used to ignoring it.

I have recently really been working hard to strike a balance because I am always over or under-doing things. One day, I'll spend 12 hours doing carpentry tasks and the next day I'll barely stand up. Moving around a lot recently has not helped with my consistency but we have been settled for nearly a month and aren't leaving for a while, so I have high hopes that I'll get on a routine and keep it.

I have alarms, schedules, etc. to tell me when I ought to do what but I still make conscious or unconscious decisions not to do that when I am supposed to. It's hard and sometimes laziness is a factor but a whole lot of the time, I am utterly unaware of the number of hours I have spent on my feet in a day, whether it be too much or too little. Also, if I turn my alarm off, it's really anyone's guess if I will do the thing that alarm was set for. I have to be really careful because I will tell myself I am about to do the thing but it isn't always true. If the phone rings, forget it. If someone comes to the door, it's not happening. If I have a cramp -- pretty much anything can distract me.

I have found these forums to be very helpful because I do communicate the problems I am having and that helps my memory but people often have solutions I never thought of. So, the best advice I can give is to keep communicating and keep trying and one day maybe we will both have a better time balancing things out. And for the record, I watched my husband devour a whole chicken, soup, multiple rolls and a salad one evening. He isn't a big guy and he doesn't have an eating disorder but he just wouldn't stop eating -- it happens even to people who can tell when they have had enough. That's not to say that you shouldn't be aware of it, but I don't think that doing that from time to time is entirely abnormal.
 

Kittie

Confident
Also, if I turn my alarm off, it's really anyone's guess if I will do the thing that alarm was set for. I have to be really careful because I will tell myself I am about to do the thing but it isn't always true. If the phone rings, forget it. If someone comes to the door, it's not happening. If I have a cramp -- pretty much anything can distract me.
BINGO! That's me also.
I have found these forums to be very helpful because I do communicate the problems I am having and that helps my memory but people often have solutions I never thought of. So, the best advice I can give is to keep communicating and keep trying and one day maybe we will both have a better time balancing things out.
I agree, ideas and suggestions from others can be helpful to several people.
And for the record, I watched my husband devour a whole chicken, soup, multiple rolls and a salad one evening. He isn't a big guy and he doesn't have an eating disorder but he just wouldn't stop eating -- it happens even to people who can tell when they have had enough. That's not to say that you shouldn't be aware of it, but I don't think that doing that from time to time is entirely abnormal.
I don't get upset with myself when I overeat because I need the calories...but a little annoyed that I didn't save any for later. I made tropical rice today and did save some for later.

My future fiancee enjoys his meals, so I hope that makes me more mindful of food. I hope your hubby enjoyed his feast!
 

RussellSue

MyPTSD Pro
My future fiancee enjoys his meals, so I hope that makes me more mindful of food.
I bet it will. I am the cook in the household and not only does that mean I don't skip meals, I also eat healthier than I used to because I don't want to cook unhealthy food for my husband. I don't mind cooking, so it it's win-win. I imagine that if you are sharing food, you will be reminded to save some, too.

I will never, ever cook multiple chickens, though. He has to get whole chickens elsewhere.

Because we had this conversation, I took my lunchtime pain meds. The alarm was set for two hours earlier but, as I was saying, something happened and I forgot to take them. Thanks!
 

Kittie

Confident
I bet it will. I am the cook in the household and not only does that mean I don't skip meals, I also eat healthier than I used to because I don't want to cook unhealthy food for my husband. I don't mind cooking, so it it's win-win. I imagine that if you are sharing food, you will be reminded to save some, too.

I will never, ever cook multiple chickens, though. He has to get whole chickens elsewhere.

Because we had this conversation, I took my lunchtime pain meds. The alarm was set for two hours earlier but, as I was saying, something happened and I forgot to take them. Thanks!
Teamwork! Smile!
 
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