So sorry to read that its tough for you at the moment. Therapy is hard but i do believe it will help you get better. Did you look into EMDR as this can really help with traumatic events .
Most crisis line workers can tell the difference between active and passive, so if you just need to talk to someone IRL they are a great resource who will listen without treating it like an emergency.But I also feel like I can't talk to anyone in real life about it, because they will think I'm actively suicidal and start worrying or treating me differently.
I am really struggling to find an EMDR specialist in my area. Even in London, the only ones available seem to be private practices and would mean taking several hours out of work to get there, which is extremely frustrating. I'm going to speak to my GP tomorrow, but I'm not sure she will be much more help.EMDR is awesome but it can be hard to find providers who do it because it is a whole separate set of trainings for them. Do your homework and make sure they know what they are doing.
This is what happened to me a few weeks ago, my therapist taught me a pretty good technique, which was to look around whatever room you are in and try to notice one thing about the room that you had never noticed before. This can bring you back to the present, and then to cope with the panic that comes with it - sit upright with your hands in your lap, and try to relax them. And then do something called rectangular breathing, when you breathe out for longer than you breath in. As if you are drawing a rectangle in your head - the shorter sides are breathing in, and the longer sides are breathing out.I had a terrible flashback this morning. It came out of the blue and hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasnt even thinking about anything in particular.