it’s bad enough she has to put up with me in session let alone hearing from me outside of this
This is trauma brain thinking. You are worthy of her care and attention in the session. You're not a burden. She isn't putting up with you. You're her client that she cares about and she wants to be a good therapist for you. So is there a way you can believe that she isn't putting up with you, and that you can start to change how you see yourself and how you see yourself in relation to others?
every week she tells me I can email her anytime if I want/need
She's giving you an outlet and an avenue to heal here. What's the worst thing that can happen if you email and take her up on this? When I had a rupture, after a lot of encouragement from people on here, I emailed and it helped to resolve the rupture. I was able to explain my hurt, and she responded in a way that really helped. Can you imagine emailing her about this issue? What about just writing an email and not sending it? just feeling what it might feel like to write something?
I’m upset that she didn’t keep her word
Totally understandable and valid.
it’s hard not to spiral into that place of how can I believe that she means anything she says when she clearly didn’t mean what she said in that instance.
and this is the bit of the upset that is in PTSD land, because it's linking valid upset to spiralling into something else. I do this all the time. The way out of this is to recognise it. She did mean it when she said it. Why would she lie to you? There is no reason to. She remains trustworthy, even though right now that feels so incompatible with what you're experiencing. But examining what you're experiencing and where it comes from will really help you and give you a bit of relief.
for me, this suggests things have changed since both times before she said she would text and she did.
and this is another bit of PSTD land, because nothing has changed. You're experiencing this as a total change in the relationship, but it's a blip. All relationships have blips. It's awful and upsetting and destabilising when ruptures like this happen. I'm sure she is very sorry for not texting you and if she apologises, you can work towards building up your trust in her again?
I'm sorry you're going through this. Having been there myself, and also after a new discussion of trauma, it's so horrible. But....it really really does get better. She has made a mistake. I'm sure she will be remorseful about it. And it's then how you hold it and discuss it with her.
If you don't want to email her before Tuesday, maybe there are things to further explore here that might help a little and lessen the impact on you?