Hi everyone, I am 22 years old and have been living with PTSD since I was 12. It has been 10 years since I saw my brother get run over by a boat and be cut in half. I tell myself that i am mostly fine but that is not true, Its incredible how little about my life i remember other than this incident.
I see the moment it happened in my head on a daily basis as if it were a gif. he gets run over and then the boat reverses and it happens again. literally I just sit down and watch this happen over and over and over again. I am not asking for sympathy because this is something I need to deal w on my own, if i let someone else help me I will dependent on them forever which is why I only allow myself to know how I am feeling or thinking.
I dont tell my partners or spouses for months bc I dont want them to get a predetermined idea of me, I wait until I can trust them to tell them. This truly changes my life in ways I could never even have imagined. If youre reading this and youre a young person dealing with PTSD please find help and deal with it bc it lasts forever.
I wonder do other people go through everyday holding back tears because of things they saw as a child? bc of their experiences as a child? my adult life is truly miserable bc of this and I wonder if I am alone.