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Sufferer My wife and ptsd

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Adam, May 16, 2018 at 2:18 AM.

  1. Adam

    Adam New Member

    I have been married to my wife for 5 years. The first 3 years was absolutely amazing. We just had our first child together 17 months ago. Since then she has been so distant and isolate s herself from me. She doesn’t show any affection and also doesn’t want to do anything with me. She has started to control everything I do. I am not allowed to watch our daughter by myself or even take her out of eyesight. She panics if I take her in another room. If I don’t agree with something I get punished like a kid. I recently found out that she suffered sexual trauma abuse as a young child. She told me she has PTSD which caused a eating disorder in her previous marriage. We have children from previous marriage that lives with us. My daughter who is 9 and her son who is16. Plus our daughter who is 17 months. She has all these rules for me and my daughter but her son has no rules or responsibilities. She has been physically abusive to me twice. I have begged her to help me understand how to deal with this and help me understand what triggers her. Like she goes weeks without talking to me. We are going to marriage counseling but I didn’t go today because she hasn’t talked to me since the last one. Even though we had a appointment I assumed she wasn’t going since no communication since the one the previous week.
    Didn’t know and mumstheword like this.
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  3. littleoc

    littleoc Making everywhere I go a better place Premium Member Donated

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

    PTSD symptoms do not include abusing you. There is no excuse for that behavior.

    Marriage counseling may not do any good in this case, unless she puts effort into communicating with you and actually changing HER behavior.

    It doesn’t sound like a fault with you. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this person
    Zoogal, ladee, somerandomguy and 2 others like this.
  4. Adam

    Adam New Member

    It’s like if I try to talk to her about her behavior she tells me that I’m saying she is a horrible person. I went to her parents about our issues and they tell me it’s her disease. Now she says she can never trust me again because I told her parents about our problems. I definitely wouldn’t tell my parents. Her son told me she has been like this his whole life. If I don’t do exactly what she says I’m punished by her isolating herself and the child from me or telling me to leave. Then if she thinks I’m going to leave she begs for forgiveness.
    ladee, mumstheword and littleoc like this.
  5. littleoc

    littleoc Making everywhere I go a better place Premium Member Donated

    It’s not the PTSD. That’s not PTSD behavior. It sounds like she thinks she owns you. No respect at all.

    She’s controlling you with your own empathy and sympathy. Classic abuser tactic. And saying she can’t trust you, but trying to keep you around WHILE making you miserable? Not okay.

    It sounds like you have weak boundaries and low opinion of yourself, especially right now — I’m assuming that because I was like that in a similar circumstance, and I’ve known many around these forums to be in the same situation. This isn’t healthy, but it’s not you. It’s not your fault and it’s not PTSD’s fault either.
  6. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

    @Adam, Please log into your account in order to post
  7. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

    I don't even know if counseling can save your marriage, but its worth a try!

    I fear for your daughter as I suspect that your wife would lie and say you abused your daughter as that's how she's already acting.
    Zoogal and littleoc like this.
  8. LuckiLee

    LuckiLee I'm a VIP

    Hi and welcome.

    It sounds like you both are hurting right now. I would hold off on marriage counseling for now and both of you get your own therapists. At least for a little while, until she gets her symptoms controlled. She could also be suffering from post partum depression. Maybe she should have an appointment with her gynecologist too.

    When she's symptomatic, nothing you say or do will please her. It's futile to argue with her. She needs to learn about the disorder if anything is going to change. In the meantime take care of you and the kids.

    The PTSD stress cup will explain some things for you. Good luck. I hope you are able to find her a good trauma therapist. It sounds like she really needs the help.
    littleoc likes this.
  9. Didn’t know

    Didn’t know New Member

    Hello Adam,
    Welcome. I'm new also and I hope you find the support you are looking for here. I do agree with what most have said regarding your wife maltreatment of you as you describe it. I also know how hard it is to leave especially when children are involved.

    Do look into some things you can do to protect yourself. You can just write down what is said and done on a daily basis and share it with someone you trust to keep it confidential or keep it to yourself for now and be sure to keep it safely hidden away. It will help in a couple of ways, you will see in black and white what is being said and done and it might have value if you find you need to explain what is going on at home. Sharing what you wrote soon after writing it is often considered helpful. but only if that person is very trustworthy.

    Start thinking of a plan to leave, even temporarily, if things get chaotic, a set of keys near the car and some cash, for example.

    Don't focus on how to get through to your wife as much as on how you can make your life better, eat well, sleep, spend some time with friends and family, kids. Seek out support, as you are doing by coming here. Read and educate yourself to the problem.

    Good luck
    mumstheword and littleoc like this.
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