Name all the ways you have started healing

mylunareclipse

MyPTSD Pro
Sometimes it feels like the work towards healing and recovery is getting no where. I have been in therapy for over five years and sometimes it can be hard to see the ways in which I have started healing.
But then today it hit me: I haven’t had a flashback in the bathroom at work for over a year now. That feels like real victory and healing!!
Which are the different ways that you have started healing?
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
I used to drink whiskey hand over fist (with one kidney), cut on myself with razor blades, and pray to die. I also had a lot of unprotected sex and I punished myself mercilessly. I no longer consume alcohol. I don't self-harm anymore. I value my life and want to live. I protect myself, my health, and my sanity. It has taken a long time and I have certainly struggled, but still, I have a lot to be thankful for.
 

grit

MyPTSD Pro
Feels tiny things with giant implications and too many to list but I will say those that surprise me the most: randomly without any chronological order:

When I drink alcohol now - my mind or mind/body do not dissociate...I hold alcohol better - before I always felt alcohol seeps into cracks of my psyche and I felt this weird feeling I cannot hold alcohol or anxiety or fear...now I drink glass of wine and my body/mind is still intact. Just something I notice. It is not overwhelming me. so I feel perhaps nothing changed except maybe I am a bit more integrated.

Learning the range of my personality from extreme aggression to extreme passiveness/dissociation and how much this freed me up - energy wise and increased my regulation 10fold. Before I felt I had a very focused, responsible but narrow view of my personality and being fully not conscious to the range of my personality cut off oxygen to my creativity and ambition and also shorten my own regulation of my emotions - hard to regulate emotions not being acknowledged.

Bird's eye of me and others - especially validation/approval/criticism/power - ultimately what is it I 'need' from others? and the deep feeling of nothing...let them be and let me be...this one is interesting and hard to articulate but using example: no matter what my therapist says, I take it face value of her experience of me - not global and/or gospel. Her recognition, understanding, validation is important but 2nd to my own. I see her as one person feeling that about me and that is great but I have to own these functions and take it outside to hundreds or thousands of interactions. So not changing others mind, needing approval, looking for solution...or even thinking I have solution for others ...all become so subjective and I am OK with that. just writing this sort of give me the feeling maybe letting go of control in the mind...freedom!
I think the last one sounds like having a great mother who nurtures you to be able to accept others may not like her all the time so I am more open (always thought I was open but actually that was fantastical state of mind)...now I am organically open.

Most important: increase of psychic energy and expansion of my consciousness, and much less time travel.

Materially/externally less changed: same marriage. same profession. Same friends. ooh one big change - reconciliation with my mother but honestly just on the surface...no connection just talking occasionally when there is a familial reasons with firm boundaries.
 
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