Narcissistic parents sprinkled with abandonment

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It's been a while since I've participated in this forum, but I often want to. The lack of motivation makes it difficult to pull myself together and find mental strength to do so. Today, I thought I'd share a painful memory from my childhood. Before I get into it, I just want to explain that I have cracked open the egg that is narcissism in my family systems. Apparently, it is quite difficult to have one, let alone more than one, parent with this disorder. My parents divorced when I was 3 and both remarried within a year or 2. All of them were either full blown pathological untreated narcissists, or eventually became one. It was a very lonely place for me as I tried to attach to these neglectful and cold beings. My memory is of a time when I was maybe seven or eight.

My mother had sole custody of me and my dad had weekend and certain holiday visitation rights. For the last couple of years, I had to adjust to being abandoned by my father so regularly that it became a constant turn for his love and appreciation. I understood that his job kept him out of town for long periods of time. What I couldn't understand is why he would make plans to come pick me up, to the point of me packing for an entire weekend, just to cancel plans altogether, even after I had been sitting and looking out the door for hours waiting to see his truck to pull into the driveway. I still remember the heartbreak when his excuse was that he was going hunting or fishing with his friend instead, not knowing that the weight of that was unbearable. So, my point is, I was accustomed to the yurning of my Dad's affection and would take at all cost, even if the cost was myself. So after several weeks of not seeing my Dad, he finally picks me up. His wife discovers at bath time that I had lice in my hair. Mind you, my hair was a staple of my childhood and it was platinum white and so long that I had to hold it in front of me to use the toilet so it didn't get dunked. Everybody I came across always pleasantly commented and wanted to awkwardly pet my head bc my hair was gorgeous. It was the one thing about myself that helped me like the image of me and I was sort of proud to have it be so long. Anyways, once the lice had been discovered, my step mother howels about how it's disgusting, with this notion that my mother is disgusting, low key implying that it was because of the poverty we lived in (even though my mother had OCD and was never not cleaning). She implied that it was trashy and that the only way I was able to continue my weekend visit with my dad was to cut my hair. I cried to my mother on the phone (who had no issue hand picking out the lice the 1rst time I got it to keep my hair) and they all presented me with the ultimatum, I go home and have my mother deal with it and I keep my hair, or I stay with my dad and get hair cut and treated. What do you guys think I picked? Bc the step monster won so I could have an extra day or 2 with my dad. Did he even stand up for me or offer to save my hair? No. The step monster won and cut it up to my ears, without a second thought. I immediately felt the difference in care from mother to step mother. Why was my bio mom okay with spending 4 hours picking out every individual knit the school year prior while my step mother never even considered the same courtesy?

Anywho, this was on my mind. I'm trying to process my life loved through many of these unkind and cold hearted instances of abuse. #complexPTSD #EmotionalAbuse #EmotionalAbandonment #NarcissisticParents #StillSurviving
 
My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry you had narcissistic selfish parents. And your stepmom didn’t seem to be that nice either. I think acknowledgment from other human beings is incredibly important. It just hurts to the core when we don’t get that
 
My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry you had narcissistic selfish parents. And your stepmom didn’t seem to be that nice either. I think acknowledgment from other human beings is incredibly important. It just hurts to the core when we don’t get that
Thank you <3
 
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