Childhood navigating not knowing if i am traumatized but having Symptoms that scare me

Sideways

Moderator
Depends what they're hypnotizing for
It really doesn't in the context of your post, or in the context of "do I have repressed traumatic experiences" more broadly, based on the overwhelming majority of trauma specialists, hypnosis gurus, and everyone in between.

Hypnosis brings a person into a dissociated state. Like it or lump it, that's about as suggestible as a person gets, and the mere process of bringing a person into that state requires the acceptance of suggestion by the client.

As things currently stand - and, it's shit - repressed memories are best left to come out of their own accord. Which means they may not come out ever.

But...that's okay. There's healing even without knowing.

And I'm gonna throw it in there because of personal experience - sometimes Major Depression, including treatment refractory depression just is. Like Multiple Sclerosis and Rheumatoid Arthritis. Which absolutely sucks. And @~Lea~ , you're allowed to have compassion for yourself without knowing, and without there being any environmental cause.

My own journey with depression has been a long and painful one. I've tried a lot of treatment that got me nowhere. Over a decade of it.

Know one thing for certain: even when you've had years of depression that hasn't budged no matter what treatment you've thrown at it, it can get better. And when it does, you pinch yourself every single day because who knew just being alive could be this easy and worthwhile.

So keep at it. Be gentle with yourself. Be compassionate. Whatever your story, you're here now. With reasons to make a life that's worth living for yourself, irrespective of where you've been.

Maybe one day something will bubble to the surface. Don't be in a hurry to find skeletons in the closet, because if they're there, they aren't going anywhere. Today, though, this moment that's worth living - you only get one chance at that. Fight for that. Because you deserve to feel better even if your depression just is.
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
Go see a psychiatrist first. Get a diagnoses and a recommended path of therapy. A psychiatrist diagnoses, a therapist treats. You need to be doing the right therapy to get better.
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
If you're able to find a trauma informed hypnotherapist, they might be able to pull something out of the corners of your brain?
I feel like I have to give a warning here. My trauma therapist wouldn't hypnotize me and I'm glad he didn't. When my memories were triggered from having worked enough to let them through, I had a complete breakdown. This is maybe a year and a half of therapy learning how to ground and center, and self sooth. If he had hypnotized me and I got the memories back a lot sooner and with no prep, I probably wouldn't be alive or as well as I am now. Everyone is different, but your brain hid those memories for a reason.
 

MnM

Confident
If he had hypnotized me and I got the memories back a lot sooner and with no prep, I probably wouldn't be alive or as well as I am now. Everyone is different, but your brain hid those memories for a reason.
I TOTALLY agree. I should have been more clear perhaps?

A trauma informed hypnotherapist wouldn't pull out the memories without the proper foundations. They'd be asking "how safe has our brain kept us during our lifetime?" and "have we put some things away in boxes to protect ourselves?" and "Are there memories we need to leave alone?"

The brain is hella protective. I'm not saying "do this", I'm saying it's an option for exploring if that's what someone wants to do. I'd do it, if I trusted the person's level of trauma education/experience.

Don't go poking bears that don't need waking!
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
I think a warning isn't poking bears, it's letting people know that it can be dangerous. Some people might go out and get their friend to hypnotize them not knowing the consequences. Just look at the amount of people taking ivermectin for covid. Better to potentially save someone than let them hurt themselves.
 

oakleaves

Confident
Just going to throw this in there that lots of attachment based difficulties can cause the issues you describe and that kind of somatic experience and difficulty with depression or intimacy. It doesn't have to be csa. We overlook the seemingly 'insignificant' experiences and the impact of these... Also just a query (offering a different perspective not that I necessarily agree or don't agree with this) why do you need to know where it came from? Sometimes we struggle and what matters is holding that gently reclaiming the here and now... Again not meaning or wanting to invalidate just offering another way of looking at things to the perspectives you have been offered so far. Acceptance and commitment therapy for example is evidence based and offers a different way of approaching current difficulties. Just thoughts. I hope you find a way that works for you.
 

NoWhereKnowWhere

MyPTSD Pro
Have you been tested for autism? It’s very often missed in girls. The diagnostic criteria is literally created around male children. If you’re not diagnosed in childhood it gets even more likely it’s missed in adulthood. I know of two separate women who have been misdiagnosed as BPD but were autistic.

The reason I ask
. I was also a child with some specific needs (?) Like not eating most foods, same morning ritual that included sitting with my teddy bear in my lap, nail biting, socks had to fit perfectly, no loud chewing around me an so forth. An I would get really angry when my needs weren't met
That doesn’t really sound like trauma but it does look like asd.

Here is the thing.
Maybe this experience of people saying this way of self regulation was shameful is the core of this all already. Nobody asked why a child did this (and in this specific case) significant behaviour. (Again I know it is normal for kids but this affected my life and functioning A LOT)
Undiagnosed adults that are autistic act traumatised because they are. It is inherently traumatic to be treated like a nurotypical allistic child when you’re not. It’s traumatic to have all your coping strategies taken from you because they’re “not normal”.

Afab people tend to mask really well we’re raised with certain societal expectations placed upon us. This quiz although not a diagnostic tool is a good place to start.
Cat-Q

There are other self tests and information on the website I linked.

It is possible you have memories that are yet to surface. I’ve had other things come up from childhood but tbh it’s best not to poke the bear. They’ll resurface when you’re ready to cope with them. And hypnotherapy is a really good way to get implanted false memories. Highly highly do not recommend.
 
G

GoldBraces_OnTeeth

Just going to throw this in there that lots of attachment based difficulties can cause the issues you describe and that kind of somatic experience and difficulty with depression or intimacy. It doesn't have to be csa. We overlook the seemingly 'insignificant' experiences and the impact of these... Also just a query (offering a different perspective not that I necessarily agree or don't agree with this) why do you need to know where it came from? Sometimes we struggle and what matters is holding that gently reclaiming the here and now... Again not meaning or wanting to invalidate just offering another way of looking at things to the perspectives you have been offered so far. Acceptance and commitment therapy for example is evidence based and offers a different way of approaching current difficulties. Just thoughts. I hope you find a way that works for you.
Thanks for posting I too can get into the 'looking' for something and minimizing the known situation that my mother was a sociopath and much of my family are also sociopathic. I was emotionally manipulated from a young age but csa was not in the mix but mental and verbal abuse were the norm a long with a great deal of enmeshment with degrees of inappropriateness. My family was repressive and controlling and boundaries were crossed but this is a good reminder to not try to force something that isn't there. I know myself and my mind and my body and all the years of EMDR and looking at the memories from so many angles. Sometimes I think I was trying to make something happen to just have, "a thing" to say look me too.
 
Top