It has been 4 days so far, this time. I saw a dump truck slide around a corner coming at me probably doing 60 MPH. He should have been at 45, tops. the corner is marked 45 mph. He managed to Keep it upright and on the road and I had plenty of time to stop, in fact I didn't need to stop. He slid all 8 tires on the back 2 axles across my lane and steered into the slide, getting it straight and in his lane by the time I got there. It would have been a certain death accident in the small vehicle I was driving. If I had made one more light getting out of town, if I had driven the last ten miles just a mile or 2 an hour faster, if if if..... Now I spend all my time trying to concentrate on other things, I am beyond irritable and I wish I could just park my cars and trucks and move to a city where I can walk everywhere......4 days thinking like this. Why is it OK with everyone that we drive on roads where the only thing separating us from impact with a 15 ton (empty) dump truck is a yellow line? If he had killed me, it wouldn't have even made the news. I am the opposite of a road rager, I am more likely to pull over and check my emails, look at craigslist unil I am calm enough to go back out into traffic. Thats kind of what I did this time, but, If I had chased him down and taken a shot at him, I would be in jail and it would be front page news even if I missed, even if I had fired a blank round in his direction, even if I had just waved a gun at him, even if that gun was plastic! How messed up is that? A dangerous corner that has killed, a dump truck driver that could have killed, and I feel like I am the only one that gets it. Like everyone just sees the danger they think might affect them someday, not the real danger just a few feet over the yellow lines. I have responded to accidents at this corner as a first responder, we have lost most of two generations of one family in one wreck at this corner. But it is not the corner that is causing me to be so triggered. Every corner on that road has a victim in my memory, or two or three. It is the memory of a dump truck sliding sideways at me in my lane, the image that appeared suddenly and then quickly became a non-threat, the fact that I had no control over it before, while and after it was happening. The feeling that someone had just pointed a shotgun at my neck. I am pissed at the world, I am arguing with my wife, I am faking my job. Xanax and a night off and then back in a car and off to work again tomorrow, probably only to come home and get pissed off at my wife again. more xanax. I feel the spiral of darkness coming on here.......... what helps you? I am able to get it out of my conscious enough to do what I have to do, to write this post, to follow some good advice. Anyone got anything for someone that is feeling the end of days coming at me around a corner? I should clarify: I was a first responder firefighter years ago. I was in a horrible accident at 15 that should have killed me. I have been hit and run, ran into by drunks, and seen the aftermath of hundreds if not a thousand wrecks. My PTSD was caused by my parents abuse but I really got it perfected after the physical traumas of my own accidents and seeing so many others. I honestly feel like someone has pointed a shotgun at my neck after each close call. That was how I got my diagnosis in the first place- after a near miss that would have killed me for sure but I avoided by being vigilant and frankly, scared of what might be about to happen and vindicated by being a witness to and not a victim of a horrible wreck. I am the safest driver I know but I shouldn't be out there. All of this concern for safe driving leaves me vulnerable to this aftermath of hating everyone and everything and wishing I could make it all go away because I deserve to not be endangered by morons driving dump trucks anymore. long posts dont get read....thanks for reading this far. Anyone know the way out of this hell?