Need Help Figuring This Out

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
I'm sticking this under General, because I honestly cannot identify it. I suspect it's a mix of things, but I don't know. I'm hoping to gain a bit of insight from others here who may have felt the same thing.

So...I have been feeling *bad* off-and-on for a few weeks. There's definitely an underlying depression, which has left me paralyzed at times, unable to do anything. But the feeling on top is different. It's worse when I am scheduled to do something - almost anything - and is only relieved if I do something completely mindless, like watch reruns on TV or if I spend time with/play with my cats. It sometimes helps to read, but I have a hard time focusing, so that doesn't always work.

I'm in-between a lot of things right now. I just launched a new business and am getting ready to launch a second next week. These are services (as opposed to selling anything), and I don't expect work to come quickly. I applied for a couple of other, more steady positions (which in and of itself led to the bad feeling), and I have an interview on Monday (aaaacccckkkkk!). I'm doing some volunteer work with an animal rescue (my real love) tomorrow and also for an organization putting together a newsletter.

I don't get the feeling when I am actually doing work here - I have one client that I do energy work at a distance right now, and the newsletter work I do at home. That is on my own schedule and I decide when I will do it. Everything else is, for the most part, on someone else's or determined by someone else.

There's definitely also an "I'm not good enough" feeling when it comes to applying for any job that requires I work on-site under someone. It's there, too, when someone contacts me about an editing job - got one of these emails today. The other person is "better than" I am, and I'm not good enough to do the work.

This feeling is AWFUL. It's like a physical feeling under my skin almost. I'm always near tears, and I feel like I'm under water a lot of the time.

Not sure what I'm asking, except I am hoping someone can relate.
 
Sounds pretty stressful for sure! I think I've felt something similar before - I just called it anxiety, although I felt almost as though I was the anxiety, instead of a person.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
Sounds pretty stressful for sure! I think I've felt something similar before - I just called it anxiety
It's horrible. I think it might be "just" anxiety, but I've never really dealt with anxiety much (at least, it's never been called that), so I'm just not sure. I did make an appointment with my T for Tuesday, and he just wrote a book on anxiety, so I'm going to ask him about it.
 

RNrecovery

Learning
Anxiety is terrible. I always tended towards depression but this last year anxiety has been my beast. I didn’t even realize it until my therapist pointed it out. I am glad you are going to talk to your therapist about it. If it sticks around there are medications that can help you. They aren’t a substitute for therapy but have made my life tolerable.
 

Mute

Learning
You are doing awesome with those symptoms in my opinion. What sticks out to me the most is you are actively involved in rad things like volunteering and starting business x2 is friggin amazing and awesome. My advice is exercise exercise and exercise and drink plenty of water and eat healthy food choices. The effects of dehydration when you have a preexisting mental health condition like PTSD can be triggering and is a trigger to myself. I think basic general health is often overlooked and definitely causes a lot of symptoms. Thanks for sharing and best of for all your hard work.
 
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