Need help with what I think are cognitive distortions

Erin1523

New Here
I’m new here and not so sure what forum to put things under. So hope I’m in the right place. Another poster suggested I post here.

I’ve been struggling a lot since my last therapy session. Next one isn’t for another few days. Reached out to therapist but no response. I feel hurt. I’ve been struggling with self harm and it hasn’t been going well.

I also email my therapist as a form of journaling, not for her to respond. It’s very helpful for me to process my emotions and also helpful to combat the urges to self harm. But I’m hurt that she didn’t respond to my texts and it’s holding me back from emailing even though they help. If I don’t email I will only be hurting myself. Physically and emotionally… I don’t want to let my hurt get in the way of my functioning at least over the next few days when the emails can really help me.

Hope this makes sense… would love insight from others, because so far I’ve been finding the posters here so kind and helpful.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
It's really great you started this. And are open to hearing and thinking and trying different things, especially because it's a tough time right now.

Personally I think it is amazing that you can email your T in a journal kind of way. And this whole text/no response/your feelings about that/feelings of self harm, would be perfect to journal about.

I know you're feeling rejection from the lack of reading and responding of the texts. But, can you put that in the journal?

These feeling are horrible. But there is a lot (a lot!) Of healing that can come out of you expressing everything that you have on here (and the other thread) with your T. And maybe just getting it out onto your journal, that you know T will read, and can form the basis of discussion in your next session, may really help?

The fact you know no emailing will hurt you, shows that you know it's healthier to push past the "you're rejecting me so I'm not emailing you" feelings/thoughts.

My T talks about parts and ego states. I don't know if any of that is helpful. But often when I feel like this it is child me that is triggered, and my T and I work on building up 'adult' me. It could be child part of you that is feeling rejected and the adult part that knows not emailing out of protest won't help you.
 

Friday

Moderator
I feel hurt.
This is probably going to be the tip off for whatever cognitive distortions or core beliefs are in play.

IE

1. WHY do you feel hurt?

&/Or

2. What makes sense as “the reason” or “reasons” she’s not returning texts?

***

For example? Someone with an eating disorder may be hurt because the reason they’re not being texted back is clearly because they’re fat. Which makes them disgusting, and worthless, and of course no one is going to waste their time on someone who is fat, disgusting, and worthless.

Go for the obvious answers, the answers that feel the most right / the most real. They may or may not be cognitive distortions or core beliefs, so there’s no need to protect them, or hide them. If they’re totally rational? Most people here are honest enough to say exactly that. Or that this piece here is totally rational, this other piece is questionable, and this piece here makes as much sense as “they’re not responding because I’m fat”.
 

Erin1523

New Here
It's really great you started this. And are open to hearing and thinking and trying different things, especially because it's a tough time right now.

Personally I think it is amazing that you can email your T in a journal kind of way. And this whole text/no response/your feelings about that/feelings of self harm, would be perfect to journal about.

I know you're feeling rejection from the lack of reading and responding of the texts. But, can you put that in the journal?

These feeling are horrible. But there is a lot (a lot!) Of healing that can come out of you expressing everything that you have on here (and the other thread) with your T. And maybe just getting it out onto your journal, that you know T will read, and can form the basis of discussion in your next session, may really help?

The fact you know no emailing will hurt you, shows that you know it's healthier to push past the "you're rejecting me so I'm not emailing you" feelings/thoughts.

My T talks about parts and ego states. I don't know if any of that is helpful. But often when I feel like this it is child me that is triggered, and my T and I work on building up 'adult' me. It could be child part of you that is feeling rejected and the adult part that knows not emailing out of protest won't help you.
I don’t feel comfortable emailing about my hurt feelings, but I will try to bring them up at our next session. I am pushing through and emailing about my pain in general which so far today has been helping and I haven’t self harmed.

This is probably going to be the tip off for whatever cognitive distortions or core beliefs are in play.

IE

1. WHY do you feel hurt?

&/Or

2. What makes sense as “the reason” or “reasons” she’s not returning texts?

***

For example? Someone with an eating disorder may be hurt because the reason they’re not being texted back is clearly because they’re fat. Which makes them disgusting, and worthless, and of course no one is going to waste their time on someone who is fat, disgusting, and worthless.

Go for the obvious answers, the answers that feel the most right / the most real. They may or may not be cognitive distortions or core beliefs, so there’s no need to protect them, or hide them. If they’re totally rational? Most people here are honest enough to say exactly that. Or that this piece here is totally rational, this other piece is questionable, and this piece here makes as much sense as “they’re not responding because I’m fat”.
I feel hurt because she told me I can text if I need help. In the past she’s responded within a very short time to other type of texts. Now when she specifically told me I can reach out, and I did, she didn’t respond. I really need her encouragement to get through this. She sent me a few very encouraging voice notes last week which really helped me. But I don’t even want to listen to them now because it feels too painful because I feel hurt by her.

Reasons she’s not responding? I guess maybe she’s too busy. Still, too busy to even send a quick response?
But I feel like I got too annoying and that’s why she’s not responding. Even though it’s not like I’ve bombarded her with texts. I sent her a total of two texts this week. Short ones. When she didn’t read them it felt more painful, but I convinced myself she somehow missed them. Now that she read them, I just feel confused. She’s generally on top of her texts and hasn’t ignored any until now when she specifically told me to reach out if I feel the urge to self harm. She’s ignored a few texts since then. I feel so confused and hurt.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
I don’t feel comfortable emailing about my hurt feelings, but I will try to bring them up at our next session
It's great you will try to bring this up in your next session. Really great.
When I have done that, more often than not, the relief I feel is great. It has also helped build trust with T. Strengthen that relationship. So I hope you feel all that when you talk about it.

I also wonder if your hurt is about a fear of abandonment? That is triggered from your past?
 

Erin1523

New Here
It's great you will try to bring this up in your next session. Really great.
When I have done that, more often than not, the relief I feel is great. It has also helped build trust with T. Strengthen that relationship. So I hope you feel all that when you talk about it.

I also wonder if your hurt is about a fear of abandonment? That is triggered from your past?
Yes it’s definitely about a fear of abandonment. No doubt about that.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Yes it’s definitely about a fear of abandonment. No doubt about that.
It’s good you recognise that. Because that’s the way it to chip away at these cognitive distortions.
tell yourself that feelings are not facts. This might be a feeling flashback. The feeling is real. But the attribution to T and the texts is misplacing the feeling.
if that makes sense.
 

Erin1523

New Here
It’s good you recognise that. Because that’s the way it to chip away at these cognitive distortions.
tell yourself that feelings are not facts. This might be a feeling flashback. The feeling is real. But the attribution to T and the texts is misplacing the feeling.
if that makes sense.
It makes so much sense. Every time I think about it logically. But then the hurt feelings creep back in. It’s a constant battle. Exacerbated by the self harm that I’m trying to fight.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
It makes so much sense. Every time I think about it logically. But then the hurt feelings creep back in. It’s a constant battle. Exacerbated by the self harm that I’m trying to fight.
Yep. It's an incredibly frustrating and painful process.
But practice makes it easier. Recognising it becomes easier. And the recognising it earlier before it's overwhelming then happens. So it does get easier.
There is hope.
 
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