Sexual Assault Need Other Women's Experiences

Syd.vicious

Learning
Hello, I really just want the advice and to knowing if any other women experience this. If you aren't a female please do not continue reading this has taken a lot to muster the courage to post this in the first place. Some background I was sexually assaulted for years as a child. I am now 20 and experience pretty sever PTSD symptoms. The main issue I am having currently stems from my flashbacks. After I get out of a flashback obviously I am very distraught and scared and generally out of it. Yet I keep finding that after a flashback I am wet. This makes me very uncomfortable and disgusted with myself. Obviously I do not and did not enjoy or want what happened to happen to me. So why does my body react in this way? It just makes the whole expiernece so much worse. I feel as if I do not even have control over my body once I get out of the flashback. I just need to know if other women experience this or have in the past? I feel very alone in this and so disgusted with myself. Why would my body do that to me?
 

Chris-duck

MyPTSD Pro
I think one of the most confusing bits of CSA is that bodies just react to being touched in whatever way regardless of whether it's wanted or not. It really doesn't reflect anything on you or how you felt or feel about it. If you have a therapist it would imo be worth a convo on, it's something they'll definitely have heard before.

Go easy on yerself
 

Sues

MyPTSD Pro
I haven't experienced this, but I know of many who have, and it is not uncommon. Like Teasel said, it does not mean you liked it. It is just your body's response. Women who are sexually assaulted can also sometimes have their bodies react during the assault, and this can also bring shame, but it's not something we can always control.
 

FauxLiz

Sponsor
@Syd.vicious this is something that I am dealing with in therapy currently and it is really hard for me as I know it is for you. I have considered this to be my body's betrayal of me, and I have experienced shame, humiliation and every negative emotion possible. This is not your fault, it is not uncommon. I wish I could tell you that I had a way to make it stop, I don't, unfortunately our bodies physical reactions are not controlled by the same part of the brain as our logical thoughts which is why ptsd exists
 

Friday

Moderator
I just need to know if other women experience this or have in the past?
For sure.

very uncomfortable and disgusted with myself. Obviously I do not and did not enjoy or want what happened to happen to me. So why does my body react in this way?
Nope. Never dealt with feeling badly about it, but I cut my teeth in search and rescue… and a lesser known fact about extreme pain? Arms and legs blown off, ripped off, holes the size of your pinky or one of those missing arms punched through your body? In addition to pissing, puking, and shitting yourself… most people are also streaming snot out of every orafice that oozes snot (noses, mouths, anuses) AND orgasming. Really obvious with men. Well, as obvious as anything can be when someone is flopping around like a fish spraying you with blood and vomit and screaming.

Just getting a little wet? Pfft.

Bodies do that. In pain and in pleasure. In fear and in excitement. Male and female.
 

Madwomeninabox

Confident
Ya I have this happen. It's one of the worst parts of my ptsd. It only happens to me with 2 or 3 specific memorys. When it happens it's also an endless cycle. I get triggered then I get turned on then I get more triggered and so on.

Sorry if this is tmi but maybe you will relate and it will make you feel better.

For me this feeling can go on for days or longer.

It makes it almost impossible to live life. I am scared and sexually frustrated at the same time. It usually only stop after I'm able to "resolve the tension" "get my rocks off" whatever you want to call it.
once I actually am able to do that it's like things reset and I get out of the cycle.

It's really hard to do though because if I try to touch anything on my body I'm triggered and back to square one. So I have to try to push past that... but a lot of the time I just end up crying on my bedroom floor a complete mess.

I wish that wasn't true. It makes me feel really strange that I get triggered then just end up being constantly aroused for days. I don't want to be turned on by this. but I was a kid and I was turned on as kid.

my therapist said this to me and it helped me. when we think about sexual situations even if they are scary situations if they are still sexual in nature it's normal for your body to have a reaction.

I feel as if I do not even have control over my body once I get out of the flashback
It sucks it really does but it is something that is more or less out of our control it's a different part of the brain like @FauxLiz said. It's also very common and very understandable! It doesn't mean you wanted it! Your bodies physically respons is not consent! It means your brain and body are thinking of a situation that is on some level sexual in nature. your body is doing what your body is ment to do. Nothing more Nothing less.

It's an extremely uncomfortable feeling no one would choose to feel this way. it is just a symptom of reliving sexual abuse. Your not enjoying it now just like you didn't enjoy it then. And you are not alone in what you are experiencing.
 

Renly

Learning
I underwent ongoing and violent sexual abuse over the span of about 5 years in my adolescence and the same thing has been happening to me now that I am working on addressing my trauma and the floodgates of memories that I’ve repressed are returning to me. It’s definitely just an automatic bodily response that you have no control over, and although you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it, I understand the divide of knowing the truth in your thinking brain and actually believing the truth fully in your body. Just know you are not alone. Hoping you can find some comfort and peace.
 
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