Need perspective change

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littleoc

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I could use some advice. Surely I’m not alone in having gone through this.

I can’t stand where I live and it’s starting to make me act like, well, not myself. It’s ruining my drive to be creative, it’s ruining my ability to get out and do things. My service dog is going to f*cking die. My mom is acting delusional. It’s a hoarded up house that’s starting to terrify me and it’s also where most of my abuse happened. Across the street is the house where the pedophile lived.

I accidentally drove all around the neighborhood just now trying to avoid going home, parked in some guy’s driveway, and found myself in the yard of a home for rent. I have no money and I’m having a hard time finding work.

I’m losing my mind. I’m starting to wake up angry and resentful. Every time my mom talks to me I get angry and have to silence myself. I hate it when she’s home and I hate being in that house alone or with anyone else. I keep saying I’d rather be homeless but I don’t have a safe way to do that and I’m slowly getting more and more ill.

I tried looking online for help but any time I google it, it’s just about making hoarders clean up, and I’m sick of that route now.

Please help me. Just something to change the way I’m seeing this so I can be a little less “I’ll kill my self if I have to live here one more year.”
 

MrMoonlight

MyPTSD Pro
dang man, I'm sorry @littleoc . It must be just awful living in that house where all that stuff happened and across the street from the pedophile. Not to mention the condition of the house and the probably five square feet of actual living space there. It's really just awful and the strength you have shown that has gotten you here is the same strength you need to draw on to make it through this moment in time. Please don't hurt yourself, we love you and know you have a beautiful future ahead. Even if it's another year in that house. I don't think being on the streets is a good choice for you, I can only see more potential trauma there.

You can put off school if you have to. Look for jobs in other states or cities, if you have a job you have a home.

Do you mind me asking if you have reached out to your grandparents?

Big warm hugs littleoc, please don't give up on yourself and that beautiful spirit of yours. :hug:

you can do this
 

Juso

MyPTSD Pro
I'm so sorry @littleoc . I'm thinking about your situation often, wondering what could be done to make it better. Are there -any- institutions that might help you temporarily, a womans shelter or a trauma clinic? I know those options probably aren't much better than the option of staying in this house, but I don't know anything about your country, your laws, your whole living situation. Are there any people in your "real life" you could ask for advice? Maybe student advisors or a friend?
 

bellbird

Sponsor
Hey, I'm sorry I've been so out of range while this has been happening.
God I wish there was something I could do.

I know I've missed a lot in your diary, so I'm sorry if I suggest something that's been ruled out or whatever.

Are your grandparents an option?
Are -any- family members an option?

Even if it'll be challenging to ask them, that still makes them an option.
We need to get you out of there.

Can we revisit the idea of a gofundme
 

littleoc

Sponsor
@bellbird No worries, really. I hope you've been busy healing :) <3

I've been considering asking my mom's younger sister for help. This is weird, but when I was hospitalized so I could tell authorities what my dad was doing, they ended up releasing me before my dad was moved out from my mom's. But they said if I moved back in with my dad they'd refuse to release me, so they ended up sending me to live with my aunt.

I don't think she'd be thrilled though. Her son who has three kids moved back in with her recently and has no plans of moving out.

I'm not sure about the GoFundMe.. it might be too public.
 

bellbird

Sponsor
I'm not sure about the GoFundMe.. it might be too public
Ok. I understand.
I don't think she'd be thrilled though. Her son who has three kids moved back in with her recently and has no plans of moving out.
Does she know about your living situation?
Would you consider telling her about it if she doesn't know, and asking to temporarily stay.
Your health >>>>>> aunt being thrilled or not.
 

Friday

Moderator
I don't think she'd be thrilled though. Her son who has three kids moved back in with her recently and has no plans of moving out
The worst that can happen is she says “no”, right?

Which is exactly what happens if you never ask her.

So that makes it easy to make it easy on her to say no... you understand with the grandkids it’s probably impossible, no worries if so / you totally understand etc., but you’d just kick yourself if you didn’t ask & come to find later it would have been a great situation for everyone.

That also opens up the line of communication. No, now, maybbe no forever... or it could change in 6 mo... but it’s also one more person knowing your mom needs help & is getting worse.
 
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