Hey everyone,
As I've written before, my wife is PTSD and is currently seeing a therpist and has been for several years now. However, they have just really gotten into the heart of things a few months ago. My wife has always had multiple health "problems", the garden variety, if you will, of symptoms that seem to accompany untreated PTSD. So she is seeing her therapist, and the symptoms have gotten better (especially the headaches), but the problem, from my perspective, is this. She still gets "sick" the morning of appointments sometimes. This morning she woke up and had a stomach ache, and her appointment is after lunch. If I were a betting man, I'd put all the money in the bank betting she isn't going to that appointment. The therapist charges you if you fail to cancel 24 hours in advance, so that's another $85 gone. I'd say that my wife misses every third appointment, so that's several hundred a month wasted.
In the past, I would angrily confront my wife over this and demand that she "work through" her "illness" of the day to get to the appointment. That approach has done nothing but start fights of epic proportions...with the money still wasted. I find myself getting angrier and angrier as this pattern goes on (we are to the point now where her PTSD MUST be dealt with or our marriage will not survive, as I have told her, which started the ball rolling a few months ago). So she tells me she has a stomach ache this morning and I feel the anger rising...wow, what a coincidence! :doh: So I ask her what time her appointment is today and she immediately gets defensive..."why?" she asks. "I'm just asking, I say". "One" she says. I say, Do you think you might need me to bring you to your appointment today?" Angry sigh..."I don't know". She rolls over away from me. "Are you leaving?", she says. "Yes", I say. "Bye". She says. I give her a big hug and tell her I love her, and I try as hard as I can to show affection, but she's on the defensive now, and it doesn't matter.
This has happened over and over...sometimes my anger gets the best of me and we fight...but I think I am finally learning that fighting over this isn't going to change things...part of me wants to support her lovingly and say thats all rght, don't worry about the money, just go when you can, at least you are going sometimes...while another says f**k that, you've been putting up with this shit for almost five years now, how much of YOUR money has been pissed away on crap like this? How dare she require you to understand and say nothing...she's lucky you don't leave her right here and now!!!! GET UP AND GO TO THE DAMN THERAPIST, STOMACH ACHE OR NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is how it's going to be, according to her. This will be done on her time, not mine, her schedule, not mine. Do I just accept it, and go to work? Are there any other options here I am missing?
As I've written before, my wife is PTSD and is currently seeing a therpist and has been for several years now. However, they have just really gotten into the heart of things a few months ago. My wife has always had multiple health "problems", the garden variety, if you will, of symptoms that seem to accompany untreated PTSD. So she is seeing her therapist, and the symptoms have gotten better (especially the headaches), but the problem, from my perspective, is this. She still gets "sick" the morning of appointments sometimes. This morning she woke up and had a stomach ache, and her appointment is after lunch. If I were a betting man, I'd put all the money in the bank betting she isn't going to that appointment. The therapist charges you if you fail to cancel 24 hours in advance, so that's another $85 gone. I'd say that my wife misses every third appointment, so that's several hundred a month wasted.
In the past, I would angrily confront my wife over this and demand that she "work through" her "illness" of the day to get to the appointment. That approach has done nothing but start fights of epic proportions...with the money still wasted. I find myself getting angrier and angrier as this pattern goes on (we are to the point now where her PTSD MUST be dealt with or our marriage will not survive, as I have told her, which started the ball rolling a few months ago). So she tells me she has a stomach ache this morning and I feel the anger rising...wow, what a coincidence! :doh: So I ask her what time her appointment is today and she immediately gets defensive..."why?" she asks. "I'm just asking, I say". "One" she says. I say, Do you think you might need me to bring you to your appointment today?" Angry sigh..."I don't know". She rolls over away from me. "Are you leaving?", she says. "Yes", I say. "Bye". She says. I give her a big hug and tell her I love her, and I try as hard as I can to show affection, but she's on the defensive now, and it doesn't matter.
This has happened over and over...sometimes my anger gets the best of me and we fight...but I think I am finally learning that fighting over this isn't going to change things...part of me wants to support her lovingly and say thats all rght, don't worry about the money, just go when you can, at least you are going sometimes...while another says f**k that, you've been putting up with this shit for almost five years now, how much of YOUR money has been pissed away on crap like this? How dare she require you to understand and say nothing...she's lucky you don't leave her right here and now!!!! GET UP AND GO TO THE DAMN THERAPIST, STOMACH ACHE OR NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is how it's going to be, according to her. This will be done on her time, not mine, her schedule, not mine. Do I just accept it, and go to work? Are there any other options here I am missing?