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Need Support - Lost Son To Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS)

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Dorothy, Dec 13, 2006.

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  1. Dorothy

    Dorothy New Member

    There is no short story here. I don't think anyone with PTSD has a short story. Almost three years ago, I lost my son two days after his birth, he died in my arms from SIDS.

    In the days following his death, my family decided to not to support me after his death. I worked at a place where several people had babies around the same age as my son. No one seemed to understand not to bring the babies around me. I designed a web page in his son George's memory. I lost my job.

    I was attempting to get pregnant, but I was frightened out of my mind. Finally I conceived again. I was jobless and pregnant. Then, I found a new job. I was frightened most of the pregnancy. I was forced into resigning due to appending lay off. I gave birth to another son. My family was ashamed of my first son's death and shunned me until my son was born.

    Upon the 3rd anniversary of George's death, several events occurred. After Harold was born healthy, I was a glowing mother. The flash backs and anger went away. A friend died, another friend threatened me, a professional assigned to my new son began to mistreat me and I had stomach pain. Then, the most horrible nightmare occurred. Harold didn't wake up. I rushed him to the ER. The doctors state he was just in the middle of a growth spurt and really sleepy.

    The hospital staff was RUDE. They were accusing me of looking for attention. My father is a doctor. Medical staff was threatening me about his career. I couldn't sleep for days. I tried to speak to my in-laws about this.

    Basically, in June of this year, I hadn't slept in days. I had to be put on meds to sleep and Prozac to deal with the depression. I know I talk a lot about it. My in-laws tell me to "sucked it up." I was re-diagnosed with PTSD due to the amount of stress, which occurred around the time of the anniversary of George's death. Harold is a beautiful and well-loved 13-month-old.

    Sometimes, I don't think my husband, in-laws and family get it. They tell me, we don't want to hear it. I recently miscarried and my sister-in-law (my husband's brother wife) is pregnant. My in-laws were verbally telling me they didn't support my pregnancy prior to the miscarriage. My husband and I are in marriage therapy. I am in group therapy. I guess I need a place to vent. I feel like so many people turn their backs. It was like an emotional assault and battery. It was like being phyiscally beaten and having a crowd watching the event. Anywise, thanks for listening. Some nights, I still burn with anger. I know it is going to take time. At least the Prozac is finally kicking in with controlling the flashbacks. It took so much emotional energy to keep being a good mom to Harold, before the Prozac. Sincerely, Dottie
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  3. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    welcome to the forum dot. i am sorry you have suffered such a loss, and without any support from family. i have lost several babies to miscarriage, and i know how you feel about the babies around you, i had a big problem with that, but i came to understand that they weren't trying to hurt me, they were just happy with their family, and should be. i had good support from our families, but you still have to grieve, and it's ok to do so. your inlaws sound really "blech" . give them the boot, emotionally, and don't count anything they say or do--they are nothing. they need therapy, lol. this is a good place to vent and learn. hang in there
  4. GR-ass

    GR-ass Well-Known Member

    Hey Dot, welcome.
    Welcome hon. I don't know what it's like to loose a child, I can only imagine the pain you felt.

    hugs tight
  5. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Hi Dorothy, welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear of this, because I have little one's also, and to be quite honest, I wouldn't handle the death of my little one at all. I can feel for you, being a parent and all, but I haven't walked the path you have. Dorothy, I think most of the problems from those around you, is that they don't know really know what to say, or do when around you. Unless they had lost a child off their own, they couldn't comment. My eldest brother died 17 years ago, and my mother still isn't over it, and never will be. Sure, we can continue moving with our lives, but I doubt anyone could ever get over it, get past it, around it or any other route, off the death of their child.

    At the end of the day though, what others around you think is nothing really, because its what you believe and you feel that is important. Social pressures are just that, pressures... from people who don't understand, comprehend or are simply lost in what to do or say with you, so they resort to social pressures, "get over it" etc type statements to help them feel important.

    Vent away Dorothy, because I think your going to need it.
  6. Boo-Damphir

    Boo-Damphir Active Member

    Hi Dottie and welcome to the forum-
    I'm glad that you have such a strong constitution. You acknowledge not only the lack of support in your life, but the toll George's death is taking on you personally. Many people faced with these brick walls would not be agreeable to counseling or the Prozac.

    Please feel free to post away. We are all here to listen. You won't be told to "get over it" and you can tell and re-tell your story as much as you need.
    While family and friends may be uncomfortable with the subject, I for one can understand the benefit of telling your story. It is healing and therapeutic.

    Again, I'm glad you are here and I look forward to more posting from you.
  7. Terry

    Terry Well-Known Member

    Welcome Dottie, not much I can say that the others here havn't said. This is a good place and several of us have had approval from our docs as to this site. Don't feel like your talking too much, your not.
  8. Nam

    Nam I'm a VIP

    Hi Dottie, Welcome aboard. You're right, no one on this forum has a short story. I'm sorry for your loss. I too, have little ones. Please take care and know that we are here for you.
  9. wildcritter44

    wildcritter44 Active Member

    Welcome, am very sorry for your loss. As far as the "so called family" I agree with some of the others, give them the boot! Your husband should stand up for you.. Not everyone deals with events in their life like others do, simply because we are unique.. Hang tuff, keep talking here, we will listen, and be your extended family... Hugs to you and take care of Harold he is the one whom needs you the most...
  10. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Welcome Dottie,

    I am so sorry for your loss. Your grieving doesn't have a time frame put to it. Taking as long as you need, talking as much as you need will help. I've found this out when I had losses in my life in the last several years.

    Your Harold sounds like a lucky boy to have a mom who loves him so much.
  11. nov_silence

    nov_silence Well-Known Member

    How incredibly brave of you to share so much with us! I can appreciate the family not getting the depth of yours struggles... as this has been my experience as well. I can't say that I know the pain of losing a child... I can't imagine it. I am so sorry that you have ben surrounded by people who couldn't respect you enough to be there for you...

    You are allowed to feel what you feel. And this is the place to share those feelings. But like Anthony said, at the end of the day, your life is yours. I am proud of you for realizing that you need support, your getting it and owning the steps you need to take towards healing.

    Keep sharing, we are listening!!!!!

    Best, Nov
  12. Jim

    Jim Well-Known Member

    With 3 children, 4 grandchildren and a niece and nephew I love dearly, I can't imagine your loss. May you find strength here.

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