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Need support, maybe starting meds

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So I've been battling depression for a long time, but I've never taken any meds. Im been in trauma therapy, and its helping, but I'm still really struggling. My primary doctor was concerned about my depression scores and had me see a Psychiatrist. I've always been really, really skeptical about psych meds in general. My dad growing up had crazy out of control bipolar symptoms and none of the med cocktails he was on ever worked. He committed suicide when I was in high school. Anyways, the psychiatrist was really nice, didnt try to pressure me at all, but he does think lamictal would be a good choice (due to bad reactions of family members I want to stay away from SSRI/SNRIs).

Mostly i just need encouragement because I feel torn about it. A part of me thinks, am I really bad enough to need that? Am I over exaggerating? Am I taking the easy way out by taking meds? Are they going to screw me up even more? I just dont know what to think. I'm going to talk to my T about it before I decide anything, I just wanted to know your thoughts.
I'm not on anti-depressants because they tend to increase my suicidality, which is the LAST thing I need right now. I'm also god-awfully depressed at the moment, and when I see a psychiatrist next month I'm SURE they will try to put me on something, even with my history. I know my depression is caused by my circumstances, and you can't medicate someone out of a crappy experience, so I try to stay away from them as much as possible. That said, if I could find something that actually worked without the nasty side effects, I'd be ok to use it temporarily until I can find better circumstances. Medication is useful if its actually useful, but it doesn't solve anything other than chemical imbalances. If that's what you're dealing with, great! Meds might work! If not, or if there are no meds created yet that will work for you, then you decide what to do. Meds aren't for everyone, and the process of finding something that works can be hellish.

Good luck with whatever path you decide!
Hey, I had NO success with SSRI's or other older antidepressants; meanwhile lamictal has worked great for keeping my mood steady. (Well not THAT steady. But the best that I've gotten so far. Fewer side effects for me. It helps the swings and doesn't cause me the same side effects that I really hate about the other classes of meds. No drug is completely harmless but it sounds like it might help, talk to your T, sure...

Rather than making you feel weak, think of meds could be a tool, you can start and possibly get even more out of therapy if you are more stable on medication and less likely to fall into a dark hole while trying to talk through the worst stuff. And if you don't like how you feel - or if therapy really starts kicking in and helping, then you can stop.

I'm sorry for all you've been through, more than a person should have to . but I think you're doing well being persistent. That's one of the hardest parts, to keep trying meds, and finding out as you go. (It's time consuming for one thing You can't just start and find out in a snap!) I hope you get settled into something different and better for you, soon.
Esz, I don't think that taking psychiatric medication(s) means that you are taking the easy way out if you need to be on meds.

Instead, I think that if you get on pills that help you a lot, it will also make the talk therapy work even better for you than it has.
Lamictal isn't an SSRI/SNRI - it's an anticonvulsant, and so it doesn't have any of the horrible side effects you get with traditional ADs. All ADs give me truly shitty side effects, but anticonvulsants have been pretty great.

I liked Lamictal, but its main side effect is to give you a rash so bad your skin sloughs off. Of course, I got a rash - just a regular one, but it meant I had to switch to Tegretol. No rash with Tegretol and it's helped me very much with my rage fits.

I spent a long time on ADs, and then I stopped them completely once I got into trauma therapy. But trauma therapy turned out not to be enough for me, and in fact research shows that a combination of therapy and pharmacology usually gives the best outcomes. I'm glad I found a great pdoc who helped me sort through all the options and gave me excellent advice - and I'm glad I'm on the mood stabilizer.

Whatever you decide, you'll be in good company.
It's not like we can control it. Not every drug works, btw. Sometimes, you have to try different ones. Depression sucks.
and in different combinations, too. Some people do SSRIs and mood stabilizers, or have physical stuff to treat as well. It can be very hard to figure out combinations. Finding the right psych meds always seems hit-or-miss, a matter of luck, hitting the right combo. Yeah it sucks.
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