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Need to find other ways to settle my mind when trying to sleep

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Justmehere

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I started listening to audiobooks to sleep.

My mind will race at night, when much if the trauma happened, and keep me up all night. Audiobooks keep other thoughts in my mind as I drift off.

Or I will wake up several times and be disoriented about where I am, confused as to why I’m not back in the place where the trauma happened until I full wake up and be connected to the here and now.

Or I will wake up with suicidal thoughts and panic.

But if an audiobook (or a podcast) is playing on my phone on my nightstand, all of these problems are greatly reduced.

My head has learned to associate the sound of the audiobook with safety.

Problem: I can’t do this in a variety of settings, and it’s got its own drawbacks. I need to find other tools.

Any suggestions?
 
I’m a fan of taking what already works and adding associations to it.

(When I can, instead of starting fresh, or only starting fresh.)

As an example, nearly every time I take a benzo I wear a specific perfume. Like I gulp-gulp & spritz at the almost at same time. Sometimes right on, sometimes right as it hits me, sometimes about 5 minutes before I plan on taking it. Just so that my brain learned to associate that smell with calm the f*ck down, right now! I don’t get the full chemical smack down by just wearing the perfume, but it works better than it “should”. Like at all. But it does work. My heart rate instantly lowers, I start to feel the flush of calm as whatever autonomic systems are like... fine I guess we’ll do this now. Yay placebo-but-not!

It’s a cool trick. I use it with a lot of stuff.

((I figure if my brain can f*ck with me? I can f*ck with it, right back. And clearly it likes to make associations to things, so I might as well make some in my favour.))

So if there’s anything you already do with the audiobooks? Like wearing an ear bud, or scrolling through/setting stuff up on your kindle/tablet/phone, pouring a drink, any kind of little ritual or side item? Use that. Or deliberately add a piece to whatever works (perfume, putting on a bracelet, saying a prayer/mantra, performing an action... some little thing you can do every time, even when you can’t listen to words spoken.
 
I like the idea of audio books! Thank you for recommending it.
Recently I have been using youtube and listening to progressive muscle relaxation. You start at the top of your head and tense muscles with intent. Slowly tensing and releasing all major muscle groups. Honestly sometimes when I listen to it during the day I will nod off. No video that I have found guides you with deep breathing so I just add it myself. It's really terrific.

I like incorporating scents like Friday suggested. Never occured to me to use one it in the evening. Currently I use a scent on my body after showering for calm and relaxation in conjunction with meditation. I smell like california in the 70's and 80's by using Hawaiian Tropic Dark Tanning Oil. It's hard to find but it's out there. Many of their products don't smell like the original so I hunt it down. For me it's a powerful tool.
 
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Have you ever tried ASMR videos? They're goofy. It's basically someone softly babbling into a microphone and pretending to brush your hair or showing you their tea collection or something of that sort. Some of them are annoying or really creepy but they generally work for me.
 
I've had a bit of success recently with making an "inner safe place" which is an idea I've snorted sarcastically at up until now.

It doesn't have to be safe - just protected. As I'm drifting off to sleep I think of ideas for more protections in my "safe place".... my theme is pirates with space tech, and some of the ideas I come up with are absolutely nuts - but it works. I often visualise my "server room" below deck, checking the readings, coding new things that might work, generally thinking about nuts protections.

Why I think this works is: it engages your higher thinking skills of creativity and your long-term memory process of narrative memory. It stops me just dreading the next nightmare, or ruminating on shit I shouldn't if I want to get any sleep.
 
I get all my blankets and pillows all comfortable and close, and then I do what I did as a child, I start daydreaming and creating wonderful places and imagine I'm living inside the best episode of Bonanza and I'm the star of the show and I get to ride horses and meet Miss Kittie and all the characters, and I get to rescue people and be happy. The key is getting as comfy as possible and getting myself in that state of being, I let one of my little kid parts take over and lead into sleep. The one that was so good imagining wonderful things in the midst of all the shit happening.
 
I do the audiobooks and as I've written about I developed a meditation that is like a miracle when I can do it. I just tell myself "I'm not doing anything wrong right now." That was how it started and I think it moved quickly into "nothing is wrong right now," as in, "I'm warm, dry, somewhat comfortable and tomorrow is hours away." So right now, just right now which is all there is anyway, nothing is wrong. I can't explain the effect this had on me because for one thing, I realized that was all I was thinking about. Something is wrong with this, that or the other which basically comes back to me, and having something be wrong with me. Once I stopped that, thinking about what was "wrong, suddenly nothing was wrong. That, of course, is not allowed. But I dealt with it by thinking, "when I get up I can go back to complaining all I want, right now, nothing is wrong." I have not been doing it much because I'm sleeping pretty good and lots of times I forget about it or I'm too lazy because it requires effort, like everything.
 
I am the same way. I need something playing to distract my brain while I try to sleep. Usually a television show.

You say you can’t always listen to audiobooks. If it’s because someone else could hear it, I would suggest trying earbuds. Sometimes I will roll a tshirt and bend it into a “u” shape, then put my earbuds inside the u and put it under my pillowcase. That way, the noise isn’t too loud for anyone else, but I don’t need to wear earbuds and I don’t need to worry about them falling out or being uncomfortable. I will still hear the sound if I wake up.

If you can’t use audiobooks for another reason that isn’t sound, then my suggestion is just cuddling something. I have a relatively large toy bunny that I cuddle very close and I stopped using it for a while. I started back up recently and realized I fall asleep much more quickly when I’m cuddling it than when I wasn’t.

If those two aren’t feasible, I have tried counting while telling a story in my head. It’s not as effective because, of course, if your mind wanders you need to will it back, there isn’t any outside stimulation. However, I have noticed that I am capable of having two trains of thought simultaneously so I need to occupy both if them to prevent myself from wandering and I’ve found trying to count while doing another activity can help. Usually what I do is make myself envision the numbers scrolling by like one of those flip clocks, while telling a story so I can “hear” the story in my head, but “see” the numbers and they don’t clash.

I hope this helps. I’m considering inventing pillows that have small speakers you can’t feel so you can listen to things that others can’t hear, I’ll see how that goes.
 
Interesting about the audio books. I think they would keep me awake, since the listening and processing really activates your brain.

I don't have a lot of trouble falling asleep, but I know people use the Calm app sometimes - it has meditations and "sleep stories" that are very helpful in lulling one to sleep.

I've used, on occasion the "body scan" taught in mindfulness classes, which is essentially just progressive relaxation. I practiced that a lot first, though, because I have body issues and it freaked me out a little, not being able to feel certain parts.

When I was having a lot of anxiety and fear at night, I slept with a stuffed bear. I have cats now, and they don't seem to appreciate having someone else in the bed. LOL One of my cats sleeps with her head on my pillow and her snoring usually puts me to sleep.
 
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